As an update to my previous post, my husband reared his ugly head today (Thursday) after obviously being out partying heavily since Sunday.  He looked like hell, had 5 days growth of beard stubble on his face...and was wearing a flannel jacket in 90 degree temps because "he was cold".  He's always been a very attractive man but the way he looked today actually turned my stomach!!  In the past 6 weeks he's gone from the attractive man I married to looking like a  "bum" off the street! 

I would have thought the first thing on his mind would have been to jump in the shower, shave, and put on clean clothes..but that was the last thing on his mind, as he grabbed what he needed in our garage (I think that's where he keeps his "stash") and hightailed it out of here within half an hour telling me that he'd be home tonight "as soon as possible."  I knew that was a lie and don't expect to see him for another 3-4 days.

To add to the problem, I went to the bank today to make a sizable deposit and noticed a really low balance in my account.  After checking into it further, he had nabbed my debit card out of my purse and had taken $800 out of my account in a 2 day period!!  I was livid!!  When I called and asked him about it, he admitted to it and told me that he had good intentions of putting it back..but some "things" fell through and that he'd have it back in my account before the weekend.  Yeah right.  He told me that he apologized and knew that it was wrong..and that he'd be home really really soon......but really needed the cash at the time....planned on putting it back ASAP...and the really sad thing about it was how he said it....like he was grasping at so many straws....and that he knew without even saying it that it wasn't going to happen....

It made me literally sick to my stomach since it made me realize how serious his coke habit has become in such a very short period of time.  Considering the fact that he's got an addictive personality...I know he's on the brink of self destruction and he'll be an old man in a matter of weeks.  I have a feeling that he knows it's going to kill him eventually..and that he doesn't even care anymore whether he lives...or dies.

I love my husband very much, but I know that I can no longer help him with this very huge problem (as he's obviously 'using' very heavily)....Do I take the "tough love" approach and kick him out knowing that it may very well push him in deeper and eventually kill him...or is there something else I can do?

Thanx for anyone's input!!

Nicole,
Unfortunately, there are several of us very familiar with this behavior. During my pregnancy, my husband's abuse worsend. Then our daughter was born and he was really excited for a couple of weeks and was home every night. Then the late night/early morning outings began again. The  promises kept coming, but no change in behavior. I eventually got his family involved - but that didn't help him. It did help me, knowing I had support and was no longer hiding the problems from family. I eventually made him leave. I decided that my child would not grow up in a home thinking that was normal behavior. After a few months of being tough and standing my ground, my husband entered rehab. He's been clean for over 2 months now and is active in groups to help him stay clean. There is hope - the first step is taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you.
God Bless.