Hello, I am going through the same thing as you are, my husband has only been clean for almost 5 months now.  He was an active user for 11 months, and reading your post--it sounded just like my life completely.  Mine would be missing also for a few hours up to four days at a time, and I would file reports, only to get answers that he is "out on a binge and will return when the money runs out".  Everyone told me to leave my husband too, but I did not listen to them.  The people who were telling me to leave, never dealt with an addiction before so they had no clue what I was going through.  Any program I have been in has always suggested not to make any drastic changes in YOUR life for 6-12 months.  Unless there is abuse and you feel your life is in danger, only then should you really consider leaving your husband.  It is your decision if you want to stay or if you want him to leave, and it can only be your decison.  But, I can give you some suggestions as to what I did with my husband where tough love was concerned.  I had no clue in the beginning how to deal with this, and it angered me so much that he could leave me home stranded with no vehicle and sometimes no food in the house.  I went from greeting him at the door and screaming at him for hours, to finally getting tougher on him.  I stopped screaming at him, and gave him the silent treatment when he returned from a binge.  Instead of yelling, sometimes I would hand him a bag of clothes and tell him to go stay where ever he just came back from because I was done dealing with this, or I would open the door, say "nice to see you made it home safely," and go back to bed or whatever I was doing, leaving him alone to sit there by himself.  It seemed that once I began doing this, and acting like I didn't care about him, that I was moving on with my own life, that this is when HE started seeing that he had a problem and wanted to get help.  Getting help will never work for them UNLESS they want it for themselves.  They can not want it for us, for their kids, anyone, but themselves. 

Unfortunately, this addiction can never go away.  It can never be cured, only arrested.  Tough love approach usually works, at least it has for me and several others I know that have tried it. 

To help give you a better understanding of what this addiction does to them, I was told once by a friend while we were talking about the addict having to learn how to re-program their brains to not use.  It is a mind over matter thing for them.  What she told me is that when we are thirsty, our brain tells us to pick up that glass of water in front of us and put it to our mouths to drink.  And we do it.  Our brain tells our arms, legs, feet, etc. what to do and they follow.  An Addict's brain tells them to use.  So they have to do whatever it takes to get what they need in order to use.  what the addict needs to learn to do, is learn how to tell their brain what to think, rather than let the brain tell them what to do.  When the brain says "use" the addict must say "I will not use", over and over until the feeling passes.  It is as automatic for an addict to use, as it is for us to reach for our drinking water. 

You will hear a million times how he is done using, and he is getting help.  It will be very hard for you to ever believe that he is done or going to get that help.  But it will not happen until he is 100% sure that he is ready.  Yes, he could very well have "relapses" in between, this is a daily issue for them, trying to cope with staying away from the addiction.  SOmetimes they get so tired of fighting this and get so worn out from it, that they give in just for a few moments of Peace. This is almost to be expected by them.  It will happen.  I live everyday hoping that my husb
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