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Posted by : marriedbutlonely
on Thursday, November 17, 2005 - 06:28 PM EST |
I've been married for 7 1/2 years, when we first met we both knew God put us together, but the devil tore up apart. I found out he's been smoking crack for 2 years now. The way I found out was for a year and a half I knew something was wrong, something changed I felt it. We were growing apart, we didn't do everything together like we used to. It's because he found a new love. He didn't care about me or our family anymore. I was at the point where I knew I had to leave him but before I did I needed to know if there was anything he missed about us. He answered "everything." Then he got suicidal, I finally discouraged him from taking his life to think about his kids. He broke down and just sat there. I started asking "what is it? Area you shooting up, doing meth?" He said no to both then I asked "Are you smoking crack?" When i said this he got real quiet and I knew that's what it was. It tore me up I wanted to die and cry. I knew my whole life changed for the worse. And it has he promised that was it he didn't want to do it anymore. Made me believe him until I found him in the bathroom in the middle of the night on May 16, 2005. That was the first month in the 7 years we have been together that he didn't tell me happy anniversary. Just yesterday he told me happy anniversary November 16. I gave him the choice of going to detox or getting out. He chose detox, went to a halfway house for a couple of weeks then was back home. I always had the feeling he was still using, so I would accuse him and of course he would always deny it and get mad. Finally he said that he was tired of being accused and I was tired of being lied to. So he moved out. He was out of the house for 2 months then we reconciled. Just recently he started his old behaviors again, i.e. staying up all night, leaving late in the night to buy cigarettes and beer. Saying he has somewhere to go but not going there (I've checked) I started feeling the old feelings of being lied to and sure enough I was right. 2 days ago I found a pipe in the closet. I feel so lost and hurt. I love him so much but I have to let him go, for good.
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| Married to a crack addict | Login/Create an account | 5 Comments |
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| | Comments are owned by their poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: Married to a crack addict by naenae 
(Score: 1) on Nov 27, 2005 - 12:18 PM
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OH, my heart goes out to you, I know how you feel sweetie.
I have been with the same man for 10+yrs. He would be missing and supposed to show up at my house several times and hours later he shows up b/c his money ran out.
he moved out a month ago and I do have access to his bank acct b/c at one point it got so bad he wanted me to control his money. He now lives with his siter in his basement and last week I looked in his closet and found a tiny little zip lock bag. I asked him about it and he said it wasn't his. He's been speaking of being depressed lately. Last night we were to do something since we are still friends and he said no I am just going to chill. I call his sisters and she said he just got up and left. She thought he was coming to my house. That is when I knew. I called the 800# to his bank acct and he had taken out $50 then $60 then $40 within 3hrs. I knew. So, by coincidence at 1030pm at night I see him driving down teh street and I doa quick uturn. he pulls into the parking lot and he said he fucked up. he gave me all the remaining cash in his wallet and his ATM card. When does this stop? we aren't even together anymore but after 10yrs I can't just not be there for him. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone at all. Are we going to continue to enable these addicts for the rest of our lives.? when do we get to live a life? I know you love him as I do love my ex. it's very hard. ((HUGS)) to you.
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Re: Married to a crack addict by msplaced
(Score: 1) on Nov 29, 2005 - 01:50 PM
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I know how you both feel, I have been with my husband for two years. Shortly before we got married, I told him I wanted to try crack, not knowing anything about it. I became addicted as well. We told each other we were going to quit, and lost everything. We were homeless for several months until he decided to turn himself in. My son and I lived at the Salvation Army for 1 1/2 months (clean the whole time). I got a job and an apartment and waited for him to get out of jail. As soon as he got out we started again. I know I can quit - I hate it with a passion, I find myself doing it to make sure he stays home and does not take off for days. This is not working, he wants to stop. I need to find a way to stop enabling him. I am to weak. I need help. He has been an addict since he was 12 years old, clean off and on. He is desperate as well as I am. But I love him and I know we can get through this, I just don't know how much more I can take. But I took vows for better or worse and sickness and in health, I take these vows seriously, now I just need to take my life seriously.
Best wishes to both of you,
msplaced
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Re: Married to a crack addict by naenae
(Score: 1) on Nov 29, 2005 - 02:34 PM
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msplaced,
I am so sorry. I feel for you. You can get help and not live your life like this. Have you tried therapy and rehab? Crack is the devil.
besides my ex, I have a brohter who is in a halfway house now. He was so so normal, and even has a college degree. I swear the drugs have changed who he once was. my ex of 10yrs is the most wonderful man. I somehow cannot understand why he just cannot get help himself. He isn't the man I met 10yrs ago. But, somehow I cannot seem to not want to help him. I am not even an addict and it's affecting me such a great deal seeing someone let crack control them.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Re: Married to a crack addict by wifeofanaddict1
(Score: 1) on Dec 14, 2005 - 10:04 PM
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Hi, this is the first time I have written or discussed this w/anyone. My husband of 4 years has been doing crack on and off. When he isn't doing that he is doing vicodin or smoking pot...I am 32 years old and I have a 2 year old little girl. He brings this stuff into our house and then lies. He locks himself in our bathroom....I do believe in the vows I took, but I am SCARED!! He is saying that he wants to kill himself, he hates doing it...but how do I trust him??? Sometimes he can go a month without doing it and then he's back doing it again. He said he is going to get help...it is nice to know that other people are going through this (not that I would wish this on any of you either) but it is the holidays and we have to live this nightmare. Please pray for me, and I will pray for all of you!
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Re: Married to a crack addict by kacey
(Score: 1) on Dec 24, 2005 - 06:06 AM
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my advice to you is go to a trnsition house if you can and get some tiome to see your situation objectively and with help
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