Hi, I too am in love with a crack addict and I don't know what to do.  I met him 2 1/2 months ago and for me it was love at first site.  I am 35 and he is 44.  We have been pretty much inseperable ever since we met.  The night I met him, he offered me a line, I did it, thinking it was just a recreational thing.  Oh how wrong I was.  It wasn't until a few weeks later when he informed me of his other habit and he told me "this is me, I do what I want, when I want and if you don't like it tough"  We were still in our "honeymoon" stage of our relationship and he did tell me that it was going out of his life.  He thew his pipes away and I made sure the trash went out before he could dig them out.  The following weekend though, he went and scored some more.  I later found out that the pub that we practically live at is a haven for drugs.  Many of the regulars are users and my boyfriend is known as a dealer.  He won't allow me to smoke crack thank God because I tried it many years ago and didn't like it, but he does enjoy giving me lines.  I have done it in moderation out of fear and the fact that it totally jacks my nose up something terrible.  I told him the other day that I didn't want him to offer coke to me anymore.   He said good because he wasn't going to be able to afford it for much longer.  He just recently lost his job and is in the process of being evicted.  He pawned my dvd player and my 400. diamond ring promising me he would get them out, but 2 wks have past and he hasn't.  In addition, he has spend his last paychecks on his drugs instead of coming up with the additional 200 for rent.  He is behind on his truck payment and his tags are expired as well.  He snaps at me for the stupidest reasons as if he wants to create a fight.  He is always paranoid about me talking to people and telling them his business or "creating drama" as he calls it.  But then, last night I found out that HE has been talking crap about ME at the pub!  I would do anything for this man, but I feel that he loves his high more then me.  He tells me one minute how much I mean to him, then he flip flops and treats me like I am part of the furniture.  He is never in the mood to make love, he is completely unaffectionate towards me now and yet I feel that I can somehow fix him.  I should know better and leave him but I feel that if it wasn't for the drugs he would be happy with me.  Like a few of the other posts I have read here, I too don't know what to do.  I wish I would have never met him and fell in love.  My email address is available if anyone would like to share and I will come back and keep reading the stories here because it seems to sort of help knowing that I am not alone and knowing that it's not my fault that he is treating me like this.
Thanks for reading this and thanks to those posts that I have read.

in one of the stories I just read, one of you mentioned why do I still love him after all he has done. This weekend, I good friend of mine and I sat down and had a true heart to heart about the crack addict that I love. we sat and cried about the possibility of my future being screwed up because of love. I too asked Why do I love him? She told me it is quite simple. Asking the question why is logic. But love is anything but logical.  so you still love him because your heart thinks the best of him. You remember the good times that were there. It is the hardest thing for me to think of spending this Christmas without my boyfriend. I do love him...but if I can give you any comfort let it be this.  It is okay to love the person you do, but before you jump back into a relationship with him...think with your head not your heart. Love is not an easy thing to get over. If you have access to a library or something find the book "The Language of Letting Go." It has helped me tremendously.

Dear Dancing for Freedom,      I too found myself in a relationship where things were not adding up.   It seemed that we could never follow through with plans made, he loved me, he loved me not.  He loved me each and everytime I turned to walk away, but was incapable of loving me when I was present.  My days and nights consisted of endless hours of waiting, worrying and wondering how things could change so dramatically from one moment to the next.....finally I discovered the answer that I was was searching for so desperately.  My boyfriend was addicted to cocaine.  The things that should have mattered to him didn't. Inspite of the spiraling roller coaster I had boarded we became close and by the time I knew the truth, I cared very deeply for him. The energy I spent trying to show him that life had so much more to offer left me wondering who I was, better yet ...who I had become left me many times a depressed and my own self worth began to take a dive.  I made all the mistakes I could possibly make.... I put my own life, goals and needs on hold to make sure that I was always there to pick up the pieces, bale him out financially as well as literally. Before I knew it the safety net that I had to assure myself and my children a cushion from life's unexpected little surprises was totally gone.  I thought that helping him with his goals and dreams would not only bring us closer, but offer him the self esteem I felt he needed to desire a more stable lifestyle.  I helped him complete a downpayment on a piece of property that was supposed to make all the difference.  Something to keep him busy, something to work that would keep him focused. Later in the relationship I sold property I had to help him with yet more goals and ideals that were certain to make everything better. What I didn't realize was that with time he would begin smoking crack cocaine to a degree that had absolutely no control.  It was the drug that was IMPORTANT everything else in the shadows.  The end result was that everything was either sold, traded or destroyed in his efforts to support his habit that required $300.00 to $400.00 a day.  I watched as his physical appearance dwindled away. Through all of this over a 5 year period I was there while he fought colon cancer half-heartedly. He used through chemo and radiation he used prior to surgeries and he used post-op as well and as I watched I knew that cancer was not his true enemy it was cocaine that truly owned his soul. What kind of person would I have been to have left him then, so I stayed leaving only after my own health was at risk becuase I was an emotional mess.  That did not last, he followed me and remained in my life.  Today he has nothing. no home, no job, no money. He went from the man who had what I would consider everything to a man who has nothing. Still he manages to get what he so desperately needs.  He scams ... he plans ... he sells anything he can find to get a bump.  He borrows from family and can find a way to turn a piece of junk into money or crack.  Amazingly pathetic, yes!  I once thought that once all his resources we depleated, he would have no choice but to get clean, so far he has proven me wrong.  I have lost 5 years to this man. We have lost much...trust is a thing of the past and truth is a word I used to believe. I am not sure at this point if there is anything left.  Even if he got clean tomorrow our relationship has been seriously damaged.  My tears have turned to a silent resentment. I know I love him, but I am not sure that I could ever totally trust him. I am heart broken and I am not even sure that I can ever be the person I once was.... the pain of watching hime destroy himself as well as everyone around him without so much as even a pause makes me wonder if there is anything left of the man I fell in love with let alone if there is anything left of myself. I have learned that you can not fix them, only they can want it b
Read the rest of this comment...