Hello, my name is Elizabeth and I am 39 years old.  I have been in love with J.A. a crack addict for three years.  In the beginning all was wonderful, my second marriage this was and I believed  God really sent him to me.  For the last year however, things have not been right.  Money missing, mood swings, his not wanting to socialize with our friends anymore.  Six months ago after asking him repeatedly if he were using drugs and him denying it, I found a crack pipe in his truck.  He has also had frequent nosebleeds.  He admitted to using at that point and said he would never do it again.  He cleans up for a few weeks at a time and goes right back.  We have had horrible fights and I have done my share of drinking through this to try and numb the pain.  I finally asked him to leave if he would not seek help.  He vehemently refuses help and says that I am to blame for being so high maintenence and for snooping all of the time.  I have filed for divorce and he replies that he is glad.  He lives in a farmhouse a friend is providing completely isolated and happy.  I miss him so much but know I can't take this anymore.  All of this comes after having to refinance my home, him pawning both of our wedding rings  and my daughter's ipod.  Someone please talk to me.  I am so very broken hearted.  What do I do next.  Why does he hate me so badly?