I met this girl shes 26 I'm 23 at work and we started dating, I found out she did coke and my brother had been addicted to it (badly) so I wanted nothing to do with it and so left. We got back together cause she said it wasn't a big deal and such so I believed her (stupid me)
So shes done coke off and on (i have no idea how much as I work and we don't have same friends) I told her how much it bothered me and she said she'd stop.
Then one day she went to pick up some stuff from a friends house and she did a rail/line of coke so she told me (i flipped out) so I went to talk with friend and when i got back to her place I found she did a whole gram bag to herself.
I really flipped then, I made her promise not to do it again and she did. Then last friday we where at friends bday party and I went downstairs and found her doing a line in front of me and yea lost it on her, I told her it was me or coke.
Tonight she came here drunk (she works 7am - 3pm i work 3pm - 11pm) and was acting really strange...and had some white *censored sh_t up her nose...and I know the peoples place she just came form do coke...
She accuses me of being parinoid and *censored sh_t and I really dunno what to do, its kinda destroying me and making me a angry person.
Your first thoughts to run far away from her were probably by far the best. From what you said, she has already lied to you many times. Having been torn apart by this before (brother), you already know how bad it gets.
Last weekend you said you told her to pick: you or coke. She came to you high again just last night. Nothing said to her before has changed her behavior yet, has it? And she is still doing the coke, so she has picked.
Listen heavily to your gut instinct on this one because this girl is on straight out path of self-destruction and a long road ahead of her. She has to first decide she wants to stop, and then take the path of getting clean. Then, learning to live without it.
When people get into this drug, they can only turn themselves around when they hit the "ugly bottom" or "rock bottom". I don't know if this girl is at her bottom yet or even close to it, but if you were to stay in this relationship now, you would be enabling her to continue to do coke as she already knows she can lie and use around you.. and get away with it.
How many times has it been? Every week a coke issue comes up? Every few days? And remember, these are just the things/times you know about. There are many more that you don't.
From an outsiders perspective, it doesn't sound like it has ever been a serious relationship. Staying in it will not helping either of you.
Be strong and stand your ground, and let her face the result of her own decisions. Leaving her and never looking back would be the best thing you could do to help her, and not let yourself be destroyed.
Last edited by SteveBlack on Apr 24, 2008 - 10:43 PM; edited 3 times in total
If this were a marriage I'd be more likely to say try and get her to get help. But this isn't so I'll be a blunt with my opinion. You can't make anyone want to quit, and sounds like she isn't anywhere close to quitting - she has no idea this is a problem and nothing you can say will change her mind on this. You already know where this is going for her - you have already seen it first hand. If I were in your shoes I would not walk I'd run. She made her choice now you have to make yours.
i agree with rick, that if it were marriage or a really long relationship where the usage had just started, or there were even some kind of promising signs that she was even interested in getting help, i might have had some different advice for you.
but this is a classic case of a serious addiction. don't be fooled. i have been there myself and i can tell you that she is headed down a road you don't want to travel. especially hearing how she reacts to your concern and requests so far.
you have two choices:
-1- live with it knowing that she will remain sick with this addiction until she hits her ugly bottom, however ugly and low it has to get, likely taking you down with her. the anger and destroyed feeling you have will be getting worse, way worse with this path.
-2- leave, hopefully forcing her to face some of her demons and bring her closer to her ugly bottom. allowing the unhealthy relationship to continue on any level will allow her to keep trying to talk you back into it because as long as someone is there who lets her get away with it and gives her chance after chance, she will be in a frenzy to keep you close.
Wow, Well welcome twogrig,
I guess by now you have noticed around here if you don't want to hear it like it is..... well don't ask.
Your girlfriend is a cocaine addict. Right now the drug is more important to her. She cannot see how it is hurting you or anyone else for that matter. She figures, as long as she shows up for work and can function, she doesn't have a problem. If she is hanging out with other people who are doing the same thing then they are co-signing her crap.
If you are unhappy, walk away. Ask yourself what is worse the pain of losing a coke addicted girlfriend or the pain of staying with one?
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