They say there's a thin line between love and hate.....

Susieq24 · Resident

I finally crossed that line! All it took was one more lie to add to the rest and I'M OUTTA HERE!!!

Thank all of you sooooo much for listening to me and my bullshit these last few weeks. My head is finally out of my *censored ( | ) and I'm seeing things a lot clearer now!

Kelly, I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the best!!
And Lynn, thanks for the tough love. It really does work!

I pray for health and happiness for everyone out there!!

Susie

Asadwife · Resident

Susie,

I will be praying for you. I am not going to lie, the days ahead will not be easy. But the weeks will be better and the months even better than that. Because after all of the tears are shed, you will not only feel peace---you will appreciate it!

As I told you in my pm--you will know when it is time. This might not even be the time that you are completely strong enough to heold on to your energy and emotions for yourself. But Susie it is a step forward.

As you get on your feet I beg you to focus on what you are feeling and why. I also beg you to focus on the good as the possibilities of what is coming to you. These two things will soothe you more than you ever know.

As far as tough love goes, Susie, while I do agree with it, I also think that there is to borrow the words of a good friend a whole spectrum of feelings, emotions, beliefs, passions, and moods that are acceptable. Of course, things are normally not fully in or fully out but someplace inbetween.

Be strong Susie and if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

Kelly

pause4poetry · Moderator

Dear Susie,

Although I have not posted, I have been keeping up with your post.

I can tell you that it will get easier with time as you continue to focus on YOU. Realizing that you can not change the actions of another is the first step to taking the controls of the things that you can change for yourself.

I feel for what you are going through. I know how easily we can feel guilty when we "feel" like we are abandoning a loved one, but to look at it that way, knowing that your hands are tied when that person is not willing to put forth the effort to help themselves, only leaves us in a no win situation if allowed.

Feel confident in the decisions that you make that seperate YOU from his addiction issues. In time you will begin your days looking forward to the day that lies ahead, not dreading the uncertainty, and disappointments that would not be acceptable to us in any other situation.

Good Luck to You ...

Wishing you Strength and Peace,

Michelle

Asadwife · Resident

Michelle--

While I whole heartedly agree with everything you said, I just want to add one word. ....when that person is not willing to put forth SUSTAINING effort to help themselves, only leaves us in a no win situation if allowed.

All to often we (me, you and Susie) have fallen for scraps of effort. It is important that we all understand this is unacceptable period.

pause4poetry · Moderator

Kelly,

I agree with you !

Very true, and a very important point.

I am glad that you pointed that out.

Strength and Peace,

Michelle

Susieq24 · Resident

Ok..... back again.... So i finally grew the strength to get him out of my life, and HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! Like it wasn't hard enough for me to let him go.... now i have to constantly tell him over and over again. And of course the anger that I felt on Tuesday is slowly subsiding, so i feel myself growing weaker and weaker.
I'm constantly reminding myself of all of the bad times, lies, sneaky behavior, etc....... to help me through this, I'm just wondering when will it stop ?? Is this a common thing addicts do?

Asadwife · Resident

It is going to be like this for awhile Susie. It takes time to build up your strength. Just keep going forward and keep asking yourself what you are doing. PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU!

rick_h · 12 step Recruit

Susieq24 wrote:

Is this a common thing addicts do?

Yes It is a common thing. People in active addiction will do anything to manipulate to get what they want. If it gets too much or you are afraid of what he might do - you might want to consider a restraining order.

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

Susieq24 wrote:

HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!

i have to constantly tell him over and over again.

I'm just wondering when will it stop ??
Is this a common thing addicts do?

You are not letting him leave you alone.

You know when he'll leave you alone...
when he knows he needs to leave you alone,
because you really want him to leave you alone and be gone!

This isn't a common trait for addicts...
it's common for anyone who can't handle a break-up like a mature adult.

You don't have to tell him anything over and over!

He can't get the message if you're not delivering that message.

Going tit for tat with him doesn't reinforce what you're telling him...
it only reinforces what he assumes to be the case,
which is...you don't really want to end it.

Girlfriend, can I ask you...
How old are you?
How old is your child?
Why did you and your husband divorce?

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

rick_h wrote:

Susieq24 wrote:

Is this a common thing addicts do?

Yes It is a common thing. People in active addiction will do anything to manipulate to get what they want.

Again, this is not something that is common behavior just among addicts.

A guy or girl in active addiction does not bother,
trying to keep someone in their life, if that person is not,
helping or sustaining their addiction in one way or another.