Post subject: I finally made it out and there's no looking back!
Tomorrow is a big day in my life. I am graduating the Phoenix House program. I've been successfully completed since early December of last year, but tomorrows the actual graduation ceremony. What? Graduating from a Drug Re-hab such a big deal? I've been doing drugs since I was 15 yrs. old, I'm 43 now- I started off with weed because I thought it was the in thing at the time, and it made me cool. Then I expanded to trying other things like beer,and drugs like acid, angel-dust and mesculine.I was an out of control addict way back then, I just didn't know it. I started smoking Crack cocaine in 1987, and fell in love with it. But that was the beginning to a very destructive path. I had only been married for 2 years and had a baby daughter, and another on the way. I was a young man just starting out in life. But instead of focusing on my new family and our future together, I put all my energy into my new found love; Crack cocaine. My life began it's down hill spiral. I started spending our bill money on crack and eventually I began stealing from the one's I loved most. It got it's evil grip on me quickly. I finally was coaxed into trying N.A. but that was a joke. I thought working the steps meant bringing the book home and working on it like some kind of home-work assignment! I finally got arrested for purchase and possesion of Crack cocaine in an undercover sting operation. The court ordered me to out patient re-hab, and put me on probation. Of course I violated, and then they put me into residential treatment. That was in 1996. When I got into the aftercare portion of the program you can guess what happened, Right? So then they sentenced me to an even longer more intense residential Theraputic community treatment center-DAYTOP. (Drug addicts yield to overt persuasion) It was a program broken down into 3 phases. Primary (in-house) phase lasted 14 months- @nd phase (Re-entry) lasted 6 months and then 3rd phase (Independant living) lasted another 6 months. Upon completing 2nd phase and moving back home with my wife and children, I completed probation, so needless to say I never completed 3rd phase. Meanwhile, the dept. of corrections that funded DAYTOP didn't agree with the methods they were using for treatment. DAYTOP refused to change their treatment strategies since they had a high success rate since they began in 1963. So the dept. of corrections brought in the Phoenix House which was molded after DAYTOP just much more laxed. And they took over the facility that I had been in DAYTOP at. During this time I was activly using crack again. But I completly destroyed my life this time. I was stealing, conning, manipulating and doing all the things an addict will do for that next hit! This went on for 8 more years after I left DAYTOP. It had gotten so bad that I prayed to Lord to take my life because I was useless- I was no good to anyone including myself. I wanted to quit but I couldn't!! Everything I tried never worked. Well, in 2004 I got arrested again for almost the identical charges that I had before. Only this time I didn't have anyone to call. My Ex-wife had become fed up, so she packed up the kids and moved out of state leaving behind no address or any indication that I'd ever see or hear from her or my children again. My Dad had had enough also. He wanted nothing to do with me. I can't blame him because I wasn't there for him when he needed me after my Mom passed away. And I was stealing from him. I had no one!! I'll never forget that pain I felt while I lay in that county jail. I never felt so completly and utterly ALONE in my life!! I knew if I didn't change my life, death would surly be next. So when I went to court the Public defender told me I was going to prison. There was nothing he could do since I'd already been to Re-hab twice. But when I stood in front of the Judge, I asked him for the Phoenix House. To my surprise and relief, he agreed! Lord was working in my life. So I returned to the same place I had been 8 years prior, only a different name and a slightly different concept. I completed all 8 months of primary, I completed all 6 months of 2nd phase and I completed all 6 months of 3rd phase. Idid it!! But what makes it extra special is that I didn't make it the first time and I got a 2nd chance. I've been out of Phoenix House for 4 months now. I have a home. I pay my bills.I have a full time job, and I have my Ex-wife and children back in my life again. But most of all I have regained some dignity, and self-pride. I've been clean over 2 years now, and if I hadn't have gotten that 2nd chance at Phoenix House I don't think I'd be typing this today. I stay clean today by giving to others what was given to me. I work the HELP-LINE for N.A. and I stay involved with my recovery on a daily basis. I never ,ever forget that pain I felt when I was laying in that county jail. Life some days can be really tough, dealing with feelings I'm not used to dealing with. But you know what? I don't ever have to smoke Crack, or use any drug again!! Thanks for allowing me to share-
Way to go.I got into crack 5 or 6 years ago i cant really rembember when,all i know is it has been hard trying to stay away from it.The longest i went without it in that time is 76 days,and thats only because i moved back to my home town and my brothers got me envolved in aa.I went everynight even started hosting my own meeting,but than i met a old friend who was heavy into it and i fell again.Neeless to say I have moved twice in the last 3 years trying to run from it but you cant its everywhere.I am now living close to my son and grandchildren.I did not want them to know my problem but my daughter found out and got my son involved.I love my kids more than life itself they are the most wonderful children anyone could ask for.I have three children who have all done well for their self considering they have a mother who dosnt know weather shes comming or going.Im also sick with a life treating condition,you would think i wont be doing this because of my illness.I dont know how to live normal,ive never had a normal life.If everything is going good i think its not right and find a way to mess it up.Im sorry for going on and on but its good to talk to some whos found a way out.Thanks for your time,and again good going.
just goes to show you will know when you are ready, and until you know that you are you really will have no idea.
congratulations, your story was inspiring to me, to know that it took someone such hard work and efforts and that believed that it was gods way of work, which today makes all the difference in the world to know that what happens to me today...is the work of a power higher than me, that will guide me to the right decisions, and lead me to the light of life that i never thought i would see. to know someone else has conquored the insanity of all he|l, and come from it an abundance of life produced by "simply" taking the drug out of reach and grabbing on to a program with dear life, and holding on to it no matter what the sacrifice...if it is worth it to you to get off the train, then you will jump...and it wont be a little jump, it will be a big leap into the unknown...but isnt that better than riding it out? you might break a leg, you might get scratched up, but you wont go where you have gone before...you will go where you have never been, and find a happy place in your heart there, and stay a while. its funny how things work out, and those small things that you know are works only Lord could put into action, those are the things that keep me from getting back on the train. those are the days i feel like i deserve this, and those are the times when my heart is open and vunerable to new ways of life and experiences. and i never want to let go of that.
Amazing ..... I can hear the excitment in your words as I read them on my screen here. Your words beautifully written leaving know doubt in my mind how much your family and children and most importantly yourself mean to you... Thank you for sharing with all of us. You are a part of what makes this site a "good place to be." Congratulations to you!!!! I think it's WONDERFUL !
Freedom to laugh, love, live life and enjoy....Freedom to express your opinion... and make choices, freedom to learn from our experiences. May you be given silken wings of strength ...giving you the courage to paint your wings against blue skies... finding your spirit free.... to be who you truly are in your heart......
written by: Michelle L. Simmons/pause4poetry
copyright 1/5/01 all rights reserved
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
your story is truly an inspiration...thanks for sharing your struggle but more so congrats on such a tremendous accomplishment...it helps to know you can beat it...thanks I needed that
That is a great story, love the happy ending. I wish you well in your journey of life and hope to one day have a story of success myself, keep working it.
I don't know your story, but you are here for a reason and I hope that you find the incentives that you are seeking. You CAN do it too !!! Just wanted to wish you strength !!
Freedom to laugh, love, live life and enjoy....Freedom to express your opinion... and make choices, freedom to learn from our experiences. May you be given silken wings of strength ...giving you the courage to paint your wings against blue skies... finding your spirit free.... to be who you truly are in your heart......
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
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Posted:Apr 22, 2006 - 12:46 AM
I love to read about people who are so dedicated, you deserve every but of happiness you now have. 
