help me

scared · Guest

Hi , ok this is weird for me. Im in shock that im actually looking up cocaine use on the internet and that i need to. About a year ago I found out my husband was using. We have been together 10 years and have two little kids. He promised it was over and I believed. Stupid me. Last night I heard him up a lot and kept getting up to see what he was doing. He said he couldn't sleep, or that he was sleeping. I don't know why but I looked in his wallet and found a little bag of coke. I almost died. Im still shaking and having a hard itme keeping it together. I told him he had 24 hours to get hoooked up with some help. I made him pack a bag and find somewhere else to stay for the next couple nights. I want us to stay together but I can't have my kids go through this. I want to help him but don't know what to do. I love him soo much . Why aren't I enough to meke him happy . why did he have to turn to this. What can i do to help. Him and me.

lilbubba49 · Devoted

First of all your not going to be of help to anyone if your a basket case.Take care of you first,get it together for your sake and your kids.Ok now,decide what you want for your life and are able to live with.He will only seek help if he wants it there is no way you can force recouvery on anyone.In no way take on the blame for his choices,he is the one that decided to use this has nothing to do with how much you love him or weather you make him happy or not,dont go there.You can help by letting him know you love him and support when he decides to get help.In the meantime all you can do is look after you and your kids and keep the home as stable as possible for them.I wish you all the best and hope he desides to get help.You have came to a good place for support.

Guest · Newbie

Thank you for your kind words.

pause4poetry · Moderator

Dear Scared,

First of all know that you are not alone. There are many people here that have experienced the same and in sharing our situations we are all here in support of each other.

Secondly, lilbubba49 (Diane) is right to tell you not to blame yourself. Addiction is an illness and is not a personal statement against you. Continue to read the information that has been gathered for you on this site and stay active in the forums here. As you educate yourself on the issues of addiction hopefully you will gain a better understanding that his addiction has little to do with your relationship and very much to do with a drug that is highly addictive.

Though you CAN encourage and support your husbands efforts towards recovery, you can not force him to seek recovery. What you can do is educate yourself on the issues of addiction and the best ways to cope with his addiction from the standpoint of the learning the things that you can control.

I suggest that you begin here: http://www.cocainehelp.org/mod-subjects.html

This link is located in the menu here under crack/cocaine addiction.

Know that there is hope and a multitude of people here that are willing to support you through your efforts to gain a greater understanding of addiction.

Wishing you Strength and Peace

Admin · Site Admin

I've moved topic to "Family and Cocaine, Crack Cocaine Addiction"

Jenni · Helping Hand I

Scared,

You are taking positive first steps in setting some boundaries to keep yourself and your kids safe. As Diane and Michelle have stated, as hurt as you are feeling right now, you need to take care of yourself first. It will take a little time to get over the shock, but you will find the information on this site and the people here very supportive. Use it to help keep up your strength. I've been visiting this site for 9 days...found out 11 days ago that my boyfriend was addicted to crack. The choices are hard to make, but the information and people you will find here, will help you to understand what is happening to you and your kids, as well as your husband.

Prayers for you all. Be strong. We are here for you.

nikki · Devoted

Scared,

I too have a boyfriend that is addicted to cocaine and i have 6 year old twin boys from a previous marriage. You are not to blame for the choices that he had made and its not about how much he loves you or how much you make him happy. Wow, it took me almost 2 years to learn such a simple statement. Just let him know how much you love him and that he needs to get help. Take good care of yourself and your kids. Its important that they don't live that kind of stress. Its hard to keep it together when we feel betrayed or scared and hurt but i know that i had to continue for the sake of my kids. You have found a great website, i have been on here for about 3 months and it has saved my life and helped me understand things and most important have a place to go when i was at my worst.

Be strong
Nikki