Nothing hurts more than to watch good people be self destructive. My friend is gorgeous, funny, smart and has a ton of potential. However I can't hang out with a person's "potential", I have to deal with the person they are NOW. He chooses to continue to hurt himself, but why should I have to go down with him? I've spent most of my life trying to "fix" others, much to my own detriment, and now its time for me to give myself what I deserve and stop expecting it from others, especially people who aren't capable of giving it.
It hurts bad, its disppointing as h*ell, it seems like a big waste of someone's life. But I have to have faith and trust in Lord that everyone is on the path that they are for a reason and its not for me to play Lord.
I always complained that men like this were so controlling. I realized it was really me that was so controlling. Its really controlling to think that if you stick around, you can "help" someone. I realized that if I put half the energy into myself as I did people like him-then I wouldn't even WANT someone like him.
This I needed to read. I read it last night, twice, then got up this morning and read it again.
My husband is not controlling. He is an escapist and an avoider My journey to this site is not so much about saving him anymore but about saving myself.
Although I cannot speak for everyone, after living with an addict for so long, I question my own value. I am fighting to understand how I got to this point and where to go from here.
Financially I can take care of myself. I have good friends who genuinely care about me. This post is helping me to realize that I have lived in as much denial about myself as I have lived in regarding my husbands addiction.
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