I'm sorry but,I need to vent
I'm really upset and distraught.
It's a shame that,
everyone actively posting here is either
seeking advice
in order to help someone they love
in need of support
as they try to help someone they love,
or to cope with the pain,
after letting go, of someone they love
or are trying to be
of some help to someone else,
and in the process, helping themself
Flaggin and John have both mentioned
their pain in regards to their children,
because their using has caused them,
not to be less of a father but,
unavailable in a fatherly sense....
Lucy is beside herself,
desperately wanting to help her son,
whatever it takes, however she can...
Nikki is determined,
to stand by the man she loves,
rewarding herself with a lifelong partner
and providing her sons with a man to look up to,
a man they can learn from, as only a man could teach.
Jenni is still holding onto her dreams,
the dreams that included a future,
with the man she loves and watches out for,
And maybe in her dreams she envisioned
this man she loves, a wonderful father,
to the pack of lil jenni's running around
Diane suffered much abuse
at the hands of a man she loved and married.
And though, she suffered herself,
managed to be the strength for others...
And when her husband took his life,
She carried on with raising her children,
with little help, alot of love and going without,
so her children wouldn't have to.
She has struggled through life,
with things most of us take for granted,
and despite that, she takes it all in stride,
because she is guided by love not possessions.
It is not hard to see, the love she has
for her children and grandbabies.
Michelle survived ordeals that surely,
would have sent me to my grave,
Having overcome and dealt with emotional mountains
I dare not try to imagine or pretend to fathom
One can ponder,
What was the driving force
behind her strength and will to survive?
I KNOW what she would say...
Her Children
She would move mountains,
not only for her children,
but, for anyone she loves.
That's just the kind of person she is.
There could be 100 people,
that needed help or something,in addition to her,
and she WOULD take care of herself last.
That's just the kind of person she is.
Now, by this point
your probably wondering,
what exactly it is I'm distraught about.
What is it that has upset me so,
that I feel a need to vent, furthermore...
how does that relate to what I've written.
I am terribly shaken up,
about that beautiful boy,
killed by his mothers boyfriend,
over a bad progress report....
And his mother not only allowed it but,
drove with his lifeless, beaten body,
in the back seat of her car
and attempted to protect her boyfriend,
by planning or going along with and staging,
....I ran in for some juice,
and when I came out, my car was gone
my 5 year old boy was in the car,
he was sleeping in the back seat....
How in the world,
you can stand by and watch a man,
beat your 5 year old child, literally to death,
Then drive to a store,
with his dead body in the back seat,
and your 7 year old daughter up front,
Take your daughter inside with you,
knowing your boyfriend should be pulling up
to take off in the car you left running,
Then walk outside and fake being hysterical,
pretend your going absolutely BONKERS,
Not because the car you left running was stolen
but because your child was in that d#mn car,
All that drama
just to help your boyfriend get away with
beating your 5 yr old child to death...
When you would think,
she would risk death herself,
if not able to kill him first,
before he laid a second blow on her child.
Knowing, without a doubt,
The love in any one of us,
would have used ourself as a shield,
and died trying to help, someone we love.
What a shame
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
All I can say lynn ,is im so sorry to hear this heart breaking story.It is a sad day when a mother chooses to protect the monster that murdered her little boy let alone stand there and watch him do it.I dont even know what to say it is too horrable to even think about.
diane
Nikki is determined,
to stand by the man she loves,
rewarding herself with a lifelong partner
and providing her sons with a man to look up to,
a man they can learn from, as only a man could teach.
Is this a joke........because my bf is certainly not the person that my sons could look up to right now until he gets clean.
Nikki
Last edited by nikki on Feb 15, 2007 - 01:51 PM; edited 1 time in total
That is totally disgusting........how could a mother let her boyfriend beat her child and does nothing about it. Some people are really not normal in this crazy world we live in. I find that horrible.
I agree, and certainly understand what your are so upset about Lynn. It is Tragic!!! I can't imagine how such a thing could occur, unfortunately it that type of thing occurs too often in this world.
As to my dreams. I once had dreams for us, but they are lost. Now, I just hope that my friend will reach out if and when he is ready to do so. Love has a lot to do with why we are all here. I'm glad I have you in my life. -Jenni
Facts:
Married women with children suffer far less abuse than single mothers. In fact, the rate of spousal, boyfriend, or domestic partner abuse is twice as high among mothers who have never been married as it is among mothers who have ever married (including those separated or divorced).
Married women with children are far less likely to suffer from violent crime in general or at the hands of intimate acquaintances or strangers. Mothers who have never married--including those who are single and living either alone or with a boyfriend and those who are cohabiting with their child's father--are more than twice as likely to be victims of violent crime than are mothers who have ever married.
Children of divorced or never-married mothers are six to 30 times more likely to suffer from serious child abuse than are children raised by both biological parents in marriage.
Never-married mothers suffer more violent crime.
The safest environment for a child--that is, the family environment with the lowest risk ratio for physical abuse--is one in which the biological parents are married and the family has always been intact.
The rate of abuse is six times higher in the second-safest environment: the blended family in which the divorced mother has remarried.
The rate of abuse is 14 times higher if the child is living with a biological mother who lives alone.
The rate of abuse is 20 times higher if the child is living with a biological father who lives alone.
The rate of abuse is 20 times higher if the child is living with biological parents who are not married but are cohabiting.
The rate of abuse is 33 times higher if the child is living with a mother who is cohabiting with another man.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
I have heard similiar stories that have resulted in the death of a child by the hands of a boyfriend as well as gross neglect and abuse of a child at the hands of Mommy's boyfriend. I know difficulties arrise in mixed families, but one would have to feel much of this type of abuse must stem from pure selfishness and resentment towards a child for reasons that I can not begin to fathom. It is heartbreaking and inexcusable to think that a child should have to live, and or die that way ...
I know I have posted the following here before, but I would like to post it again .....
Love The Children
Innocent and full of hope each day you set the stage
To show them how to cope with a world that’s full of rage.
They enter this world clean and pure with a trust that won’t compare.
They seem to find contentment just knowing that you there.
It takes a very special love to bring them up you see
To face this very busy world with strength and dignity.
Teach a child to have faith and love and he will learn to give
hope to the less fortunate to see his kindness live.
Take a child who’s been put down and bring him to his feet.
Show him love and tenderness...no better friend you’ll meet.
Our children are our future so it is them we can’t forsake
for to neglect our children would be a grim mistake.
Teach a child that kindness can make a lost heart smile.
That it is really worth the effort to go that extra mile.
A child does not know prejudice unless he’s taught by me and you
so teach unbiased friendliness it’s the best that you can do.
So find time in your heart today to give time to a child.
You’ll see a light shine in his heart for on his life you’ve smiled.
Postscript: Our world ....our future. Our examples mold them to be who they to become. We are as important to them as they are to us, our future our dignity. Love them, cherish them guide them into a beautiful future filled with hope ...faith, kindness and most of all love.
Written by: Michelle/pause4poetry
copy righted 2002 ~ All Rights Reserved
Is this a joke........because my bf is certainly not the person that my sons could look up to. And i don't think that I am that determined to stand by my man. Is that what it looks like.
personally, nikki, i don't feel at all that this is what it looks like. i feel you might want to stand by your bf for as long as you possibly can. i don't believe however, that it is your wish for this man to set an example to your two children. i doubt there is anyone here who thinks otherwise.
lynn is simply implying that you wish this man could be the man of your dreams.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
Nikki is determined,
to stand by the man she loves,
rewarding herself with a lifelong partner
and providing her sons with a man to look up to,
a man they can learn from, as only a man could teach.
Is this a joke........because my bf is certainly not the person that my sons could look up to. And i don't think that I am that determined to stand by my man. Is that what it looks like.
Nikki
Footnote:
My biggest problem is being shortsighted
in assuming anyone/everyone can understand my reasoning
by placing themself within the scope of my thoughts and mindset...my bad
Well, no Nikki,
That was not a joke
nor was intended as such.
Let me give you a run down,
so I can address your comment.
The purpose, meaning and reasoning,
behind my post, and the statements I made,
was a means to make my point.
The things I wrote, is the way I see things.
These are my conclusions or
what I have come to believe,
Those statements
within the post we are addressing here
are only a small portion of my views,
how I see you and everyone else, through my eyes,
as I have come to *know* the people I post with,
based on and because of, what they post and express.
You have to understand something Nikki,
I do not take forum boards lightly.
I do not take discussion matters I engage in,
with a grain of salt and a way to pass time.
Now, I may have an insensitive way
of wording my opinions and outtakes,
(I'm talking about many of my past posts)
but, if it's one thing
you can be sure of, it's this...
I mean what I say and say what I mean,
that is not to account for the words I choose,
but, rather for the message I'm intending to convey.
In anything I've posted here,
and in whatever manner I have chose,
to get that message or opinion across,
you can take away the vulgar, insensitive parts,
and one thing that will not change, nor matter,
is the message and what I am saying or feeling.
Now, another thing about me,
is that I am not unreasonable,
nor unable to realize or acknowledge,
when I am being unproductive and contributing
to angering and pushing or turning away from....
instead of swaying or causing to pause and acknowledge.
Now, with that said,
let me elaborate on the creation of this thread
I can tell you I bear a heavy burden,
for things I read or see, when it comes to children.
This is the very reason why,
I do not watch the news nor read the paper,
if I do, it's for a reason, usually being...
Because of circumstances beyond my control,
I catch a whiff of an unfolding situation
or something that is a sad, mind boggling reality,
and am compelled to follow or learn more about it.
The story I related here, and how I learned about it,
was because it was a featured news story,
showing up after signing in with my ISP,
So now, I have no choice but to stay informed.
After the truth unfolded,
Past memories came flooding back,
causing me so much pain and heartache,
literally making me sick to my stomach,
because of one simple fact,
why I do this I do not know,
but, for whatever reason,
I torture myself by imagining the situation.
The Yates children,
Michael & Alex Smith,
Polly Klass and Terri Schiavo,
just to name a few and familiar to many.
Then, the stories where the names are forgotten.
That mother who killed her 3 children,
by smashing their heads in with a chunk of concrete
That young girl,
found naked and nearly decapitated,
stuffed in a storage container that was discovered
in the closet of the next door neighbor
That missing girl found buried under the porch,
of a known sex offender, living across the street.
When I had a blog/personal site from MSN,
not that my space thing or whatever but,
the few entries I did have and write about,
except for Terri, were stories of murdered children,
truely expressing my pain and heartache over such maddness
questioning the validity of not only G**d Himself,
but, trying to reason Love and Merciful,
to this G**d I had confessed my belief in.
after learning the truth about this beautiful boy,
I could only presume his Mother either...
didn't see a reason or care to, protect her son,
feared her boyfriend more then she desired to intervene,
held more importance for her boyfriend, then for her son
But, whatever reason it was,
that she not only failed to protect her son
but, continued to stay in an abusive relationship
which meant she kept her kids involved as well
one thing IS certain and can not be disputed.
There was NO real love.
When you are unable to love yourself,
you are unable to love anyone else.
When you only care about yourself,
you possess a selffish, self serving love,
which is incapable of loving anyone else,
because your only concern is you...
what you want, what you need..you, you, you
but, that's not really love
She didn't value her son for one of 2 reasons,
she didn't value herself
she valued herself, what she wanted,
more then she valued her child
Now, as all this stuff is running through my mind,
I started thinking to myself....
Isn't it a shame that a group of strangers
choosing this site as a means or purpose for,
And where all purposes are concerned...
basically 2 reasons
Help & Love
Look at the lengths help and love will bring us.
And, the sad reality is,
so many people have never
known,
will know,
been shown,
given,
experienced,
or received
something pouring out in abudance right here.
Help & Love
What a shame indeed.
Now, Nikki....
If I am to keep myself in check
concerning your situation,
I have to assume it is the love for your bf
that keeps you from leaving, truely believing,
things will get better because he will get help,
He will stop using and I believe in him.
Staying with him...believing this will happen,
I am determined to stand by(stay with)the man I love,
and by doing so(staying), will be rewarded(sobriety)
with a life long partner and a man
my children can look up to and learn from.
Now Nikki,
please tell me, this is what you believe,
this is what you want and your reasons for staying.
You stay cause you believe he'll stop using
you want a man you can depend on and grow old with
your boys can have stability and someone to look up to
Otherwise,
the only thing left to believe & assume is....
You contend to love a man,
you have no trust in nor believe
will stop using and get his life together,
which in essence is saying....
I will continue to let this man
make me miserable and live off me,
until I have the strength to drop this baggage
and hopefully, in the meantime,
my children will not learn his ways or assume
men are irresponsible and loafers, not providers
women are weak, miserable and take care of everything
and whose soul purpose is to cater to their man.
Cause, if that's the case..
That is a joke
Stop and ask yourself...
What is love?
then ask yourself...
What's love got to do with it?
If what I stated seemed like a joke to you
It's time to stop and think about that.
I Love You
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
You contend to love a man,
you have no trust in nor believe
will stop using and get his life together,
which in essence is saying....
I will continue to let this man
make me miserable and live off me,
until I have the strength to drop this baggage
and hopefully, in the meantime,
my children will not learn his ways or assume
men are irresponsible and loafers, not providers
women are weak, miserable and take care of everything
and whose soul purpose is to cater to their man.
Cause, if that's the case..
That is a joke
As much as I am embarrassed to admit this.......but you nailed it right on. This is sad. I know that there is nothing left but yet I still can't let go. That is so so sad. I am embarrassed of myself. I feel *censored sh_t about my situation i have been given all the resources to help me change the situation yet i don't have the strength to make the move. I am ashamed.
Don't feel ashamed, but continue to work with the guidelines of protecting your own vulnerability. Take a look at the lifestyle that your man is leading and ask yourself where it is that you and your children fit into this picture. Eventually, you will see yourself moving away from the situation instead of letting it drag you through the mudd, pain and heartbreak with him ...
You have grown, and I have to hand it to you for recognizing the truth and admitting it here to all of us .... but where else but among friends that want nothing more then to encourage you to grow further and find the true happiness in life that you deserve.... You have an amazingly generous heart that needs to be placed where that generousity will bounce back to you ten fold....
Wishing you continued Strength and Peace ....
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
You have been growing through all of this and processing it openly here on these forums. Perhaps you are coming closer to that place of protecting yourself...finding your direction...and letting go. Don't beat yourself up or put yourself down. Keep your head high with the knowledge that you are growing, as we all are. Here for you too.
Thanks for all you support and love. This means so much to me. I need it more now than i ever have. I have reached a point that its time to make my move and it hurts so much.
Lynn, thank you for being there. Now i know what you've been waiting to hear and i have been wanting to admit to myself the truth but couldn't do it. There is nothing left for me. It has been a rough ride but i must get off and take care of myself. I don't deserve to be treated like this NO MORE. I am a person with f
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Posted:Dec 06, 2006 - 09:17 PM
