What happened I really dont know,one minute im shopping for xmas presents and the next im in my bedroom with a pipe.Of course it doesnt help when you come home and a well knowen dealer is standing in the lobby of your apartment only a few steps from my door.Things were going to good I was too happy,it was payday I felt good shopping for the grandkids. What is wrong with my brain that before I even have time to think it happens?.My apartment building is overrun with crack addicts,their everywhere.Theres not a day I leave my house that I dont run into one comming or going.Ive got to get out of here.Im so upset with myself,I was thinking of staying away from the site too embarrsed.I need you guys more than ever,if I cant stay away from this stuff I might as well die. I need my friends.
I am so glad that you didn't stay away from the site, that you came forth to share your struggle. A set back, yes, but one you can overcome. The strides you had made until this point can be yours again and then some. Look at what happened and learn from it. There is no need to be ashamed or beat yourself up. It is counter productive. You are loved and supported here.
I don't know if it is possible for you and your husband to physically remove you from that environment or not. Maybe that would be ideal. One thing I do know is that you have spent some time here sharing with us and you have been able to find strength and not submit to temptation right outside your door many times. What did you do during those times that helped you avoid the pipe?
It seems that no matter where you go, though, you will need to be able to desensitise yourself to your triggers, so that even if they are there, you can walk on by and maintain your recovery.
My heart goes out to you Diane. You have been working so hard at this and I feel your devestation and discouragement. You are loved though. If my emoticon popup thing was working right, I would give you the biggest hug and shoulder to cry on, because you deserve it and we are your friends. Put this behind you. The now and the future are all that matter. You can achieve your goal. I believe in you, no matter what.
I was just remembering back on some of your posts. It seems like sometimes when you are feeling really good about things and when you have cash in hand...that is when you are tempted...and maybe it is an easy time to let your guard down...because you're feeling so good. Just something to reflect upon.
Diane, You know we love you and are here for you. Thank you for having the courage to reach out and receive the support that you are so deserving of. You help so many people here as well, myself included. Whatever I can do to comfort and encourage you...that's why I am here. Tears are a good thing. They shed those nasty bad chemicals and put in good ones. You are dear to my heart. Rebuild your strength...you can overcome...maybe a little roaring would help. Lynn had me do it a few weeks ago, and I felt much better afterward...so remember you can do anything you put your mind to....
Jenni said very eloquently and I have to agree. You can overcome this Diane. You are not only loved and supported here, but you also have my deepest admiration for your courage. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning .... Here for you as always ...
Here is a hugg from Jenni
...and a Hugg from me ~
Wishing you Strength and Peace ...
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
Hi Dianne....I know how you feel.I felt the same way 60 days ago.I've felt real good one minute then hit the pipe the next.Its real easy to let your guard down espcially when you are so exposed to it.I have not posted much on here but like to give my support to you and others.It only makes me stronger to stay off of it when i hear it from others.I am glad you did'nt stay away from here.I used to think of the same thing of being so ashamed to post anything here in private or on the forums when i did relaspe.I feel more confident in myself now to post replies to people like you when they are going through difficult times....wishing you the best to getting back on your feet.....and stomp out that BEAST..............Jon51
Please don't go away. Where else can you find so many people from so many different sides of this situation that want to do nothing but listen and help?
Diane-
Don't beat yourself up too bad. Grieve for what you did and resolve for a better day tomorrow. Hopefully your trailer will come thru and you can get away from those people at your apartments and that will help. You are strong, you have people in your life that you care deeply about and you know you want to be there for them. You are only human. The dealers are the ones who should be embarrassed for spreading this lethal crap out into the world, not you. This day too shall pass. Best wishes.
Don't be ashamed and know that we are all here for you. You have been here for us, showed us strenght and you were always the first one to encourage us. Now let us be there for you. You hit a bump on the road now tomorrow is a new day. Instead of looking at this mistake look at all the times you beat the temptation and made it through. Thats lots to be proud of. We believe in you and we are hear for you.
everyone for the encouraging words.Feeling much better now.Went to work than drove out to see my grandson and take him his birthday present.Thanks jenni and michelle for the hugs I sure needed them,so greatful for everyone here and this site.I will continue to fight the beast Jon51 thank you.Thanks for being here alison and I hope your son wins the battle lucyb.I will beat this thing.Thanks again for all the support.
Diane
Diane, try to replay your mistake in your mind and see what you may done differently. When you pin the trigger situation, play it one more time with correction, so next time you will know how to cope.
Best wishes,
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
It is the Diane,
experiencing the after-effects of cocaine who,..
Feels weak & powerless,
Feels alone,
Thinks she needs help,
to get back the power to be strong for herself.
That is NOT the REAL Diane,
whom, in her last post...
Knew she wasn't alone,
Wasn't seeking help but rather,content in knowing,
she has the support of others,
as she is helping herself, in the fight of her life...
Showing clearly, the power she does possess,...
Confidant in her marriage and herself,
relentless, in her recovery efforts
determined, to claim her imminent victory,
NOT because you are weak but,
Because you ARE strong!
Don't let cocaine fool you into thinking who you aren't!
Tell cocaine to take a hike, letting it know,
who you REALLY are!!
Diane...
What's the situation w/ the brother in law??
If this makes you mad, I'm sorry,
and frankly...I don't care.
HE NEEDS TO GO
lilbubba49 wrote:
For now Lynn im right where I need to be in front of my comp.on this site getting all the support i can from you,michelle,freedom,gene and everyone that is here to help.
Remember this the next time your addiction
trys to tell you should be embarrassed....
Harboring such feelings or notions,
will buy the next bag, and the next...and the next.
And, as far as this comment
lilbubba49 wrote:
What is wrong with my brain that before I even have time to think it happens?
Sorry...I don't buy it,...
don't let your addiction sell you it either.
Cause, that will buy the next bag,
and the next bag..and the next.
Better back to square one then still in the ?/|\,
so, wash your hands and let it go.
I LOVE YOU!!
Lynn
_________________ Got G0D?....I can not dimiss, what I can not deny....Jesus Saves!
Diane-
I'm glad your day was better, you have so many better days ahead, and time to spend enriching your family's life. Thanks for all the encouragement you've given me, even with all you have going on.
Be well-
Lucy
Dear Gene,Lynn.and Lucy,
Gene I have been replaying it over and over in my mind,If He is ever there again when I come home I will turn around and leave the building until hes gone or not look at him and walk bye so fast he wont have a chance to say anything to me.
Lynn
Quote:
What's the situation w/ the brother in law??
If this makes you mad, I'm sorry,
and frankly...I don't care.
Why would this make me mad,Of course he has to go,he takes his drivers for his class 3 today the course is over thank Lord.Husband is going to tell him to go stay at his cousins for a month until he gets a place.What did he say its wairing thin and we took on too much by taking him in.
Quote:
Harboring such feelings or notions,
will buy the next bag, and the next...and the next.
You are so right and so meny things has been getting to me latly I just want him gone.He showers once a week weather he needs it or not and than doesnt clean the tub everyday I have to sanitize the bathroom before I use it,I cant stand living with a dirty person.We have told him over and over to shower he stinks but hes a grown man what can you do.No, hes got to go.That is just one thing there are so many that are getting on my nerves and even hubby is getting grummy its getting to him too.He has to go thats the bottom line.Im just greatful for ya all and that I have a place to come that helps me.Thank-you.
Lucy,
I just want to say that it is all of you here that help me,I dont know where I would be if I dint have all of you supporting me and sending me love.Lucy I really do hope and pray that your son gets the help he needs and comes back to you.You are in my thoughts.
Diane
Diane-You and your husband have been very kind to let your brother in law stay, I've done this myself with my sister in law (& her 2 kids, yikes) and you guys have given him time to get things moving in his life, so I'm glad that there is an end in sight for you as far as he is concerned.
I thank you for your prayers & your continued support. You have helped me to see how difficult this addiction is, but also that you can get thru it. You are thinking logically and carefully and have plans on how to avoid the next time and you will be able to do this because you are prepared-hey you are a Boy Scout-always prepared!!! You keep on going, you are strong and you are kind and generous with your advise and good wishes here. It will get better for you, I just feel strongly about this for you, I have just have a good feeling about it when I read your posts.
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What happened I really dont know,one minute im shopping for xmas presents and the next im in my bedroom with a pipe.Of course it doesnt help when you come home and a well knowen dealer is standing in the lobby of your apartment only a few steps from my door.Things were going to good I was too happy,it was payday I felt good shopping for the grandkids. 
everyone for the encouraging words.Feeling much better now.Went to work than drove out to see my grandson and take him his birthday present.Thanks jenni and michelle for the hugs I sure needed them,so greatful for everyone here and 
this site.I will continue to fight the beast Jon51 thank you.Thanks for being here alison and I hope your son wins the battle lucyb.I will beat this thing.Thanks again for all the support.
Best wishes,
