It was great to meet you and your family too. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Maybe we could still get a photo. I was just thinking maybe we could meet at the inner harobor for dinner or something....but then my mom brought in a map and I saw where you live...seems like you live pretty far west too, so if you went south and I went North, maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle. I need to look at the map again. 12 years of being away, I forget where things are in relation to each other....but...it's a thought.
I am happy to hear about your boyfreinds release that is always an exciting time. It is a rewarding feeling of a new slate when you served the warrants and now have no worries about being picked up as it is the past.
I hope the trial thing you mentioned goes well for him and that he stays on the right track,
Both you and Lucy must have had a great time. I would like to see some pictures of you both and pretty scenery and I bet it is beautiful. Colorado has limited views just moutains is our attraction. No beautiful beaches but it sure beats Utah.
Anyhow, just wanted to say I feel your happiness and it is a good thing as I am happy that a great person such as yourself can be happy and have wonderful times through life. You are an inspiration.
He went back to work on Tuesday and met with his lawyer. Looks like everything will work out OK. His lawyer was optimistic about how things were looking after interviewing all the witnesses. He went to a meeting on Tuesday. So far so good.
My dad
We went for his second chemo appointment on Tuesday and something else yesterday. His energy is down, but other than that he is doing pretty well all things considered. Looks like the tumor that first took him to the doctor has shrunk a lot, since it was visible from the outside, and is now less visible.
Giving him a break from me today and visiting with my mom and uncle. My brother is coming to town on Saturday, so visiting with him and dad again on Saturday.
Steve,
Yes, his release was exciting and scary at the same time. Scary because now I'm worried about him staying clean again....but trying not to. I think his mindset is a little different than before. We will see. Anyway, he went to a meeting on Tuesday night. Last night I called...and he was sleeping, since I was trying to stay awake so I could call him, we were both too tired to have much to say.
Thanks always for your happy thoughts and kind words.
Hey what's wrong with Utah? Canyon lands in Southern Utah are beautiful and pretty awesome. I love Colorado too. Anywhere that's beautiful really. After driving back from seeing Lucy the other day, we were heading West on some highway, the sun was still high in the sky, but afternoon was setting in. As you came over some of the rises in the highway, you could see the mountains in MD (OK Steve, you would call them hills)...here they are mountains, and they looked beautiful...blue ridges in the distance.
Hey Lynn, I 've got something for you too. Dad and I spent a long time going through old family photos...Lake Michigan when his mother was a girl, and he was a boy....haven't gotten to the ones of when I was a girl...There was soo much beach when he was young. Unbelievalbe. It was awesome. Still wishing I had a pint or two of Blue Moon.
I love lake bonneville and Bryce cannon no you are correct Utah is beautiful.I meant the spot your at beats Utah. I remember my father wanted to check out all these spots in Utah and I wanted to go to California and Mexico. Colorado is boring maybe it is just because I have lived here all my life. I would like to return to utah again and see Bryce Cannon again once my son is older but more then that right now I want to see the ocean again. I remembering traveling and every thing was imaterially less in comparison to ariveing in California and in Mexico to see that dog goned beautiful beach so I found it was really boring traveling and Las Vegas was a trip as many adults stayed up all night gambeling was beyond me.I was around 10 years of age and I remember thinking is this road ever going to end and when are we going to see the ocean? Traveling through Utah and Wyoming, Arizona, Neveada, California and final destination Mexico. It was exciting altho Arizona made me sick due to the heat. That vacation is my favorite memory of my childhood.
The chinese owner of the motel in Nevada who said these are no cochroaches and smatched it with her hands (gross) it was bigger then he|l what then do you call them ..... mutations? my father wanted our money back and she just wanted to argue like we cared if it was roach or a bettle there were many unusual forms of bugs living in that room.
I remember when my younger cousin got lost at Disney Land and that was very stressgul on my parents and they were freaking out, I found him easily right next to Mickey mouse 30 minutes later boy, were they ever thankful.
I would really love to see the atlantic ocean one day.
For my next vacation I am going to book a trip first of all to Oregon. A freind of mine use to live there and told me she would bring me back a suvonier and she happened to bring me a small book filled with pictures. Well those pictures have intrigued me so much that in fact is where my heart is set on going. Then after that my new hope will be the Atlantic ocean..... I bet it is sooo beautiful.
I am hopping to go next year as I will be done with school. I really need a gettaway.
Glad to hear things are going well I will pray for your father's healing update on my dad he has been staying off the hard liquor and has only a beer every now and then so his continual progress has brought us closer. We went fishing quite a number of times and hopefully we will fraking catch a fish as we have had no luck.
Your boyfreind is in my prayers as well as you my freind. Take care always and talk to you soon.
Thanks for your prayers and your childhood vacation stories. Mine were closer to Lynn's neck of the woods, though there was that jr. high summer science trip to Estes Park. That was awesome except I got sick. Cute boys and awesome scenery though.
Looking at those old pictures with my dad, I realized my memory of the Pacific Ocean...was actually the view of Lake Michigan from our cottage. Looked like an ocean to me I guess. We went on a trip to California when I was 4...cross country....and probably came back through Michigan, so I can see how I was confused.
The Oregon coast is beautiful, and a lady on the Warm Springs reservation makes really beautiful baskets from string I think.
I think my next vacation will be here again, and to visit my b/f around Christmas/New Years. I have to change my ticket, so I can come back here...probably won't get to see the Atlantic again on my next visit, but...it's freakin' cold on the Atlantic in December, so no big loss in my book. Freezin' myself silly in the nation's capital is good enough for me. It's wet cold...unlike the nice dry cold you and I are accustomed to.
Update on my b/f. He's at a meeting now. Hope I can stay up late enough to talk to him. So, tired.
Update on dad, he looked pretty good today, all things considered. Wasn't feeling great though, because he didn't want to talk much when I stopped by. I didn't notice all the hair he said lost, so he did a good comb-over.
Hope you are able to continue to spend good times fishing with your dad.
I don't know what happened. His mom thought he should tell me. I called the cell phone, but can't get a call through or a call back. He's not staying with her anymore.
I am heartbroken...again, despite not knowing anything really, except that something happened. I could venture a guess. Wish I knew for sure. I am always prepared, but it hurts just the same.
My mom wants to know, how long will I stay on this roller coaster ride. Good question. Do I need to change my plane ticket? Good question.
Praying for myself tonight...and for him...always for him.
Last edited by Jenni on Sep 08, 2007 - 05:43 AM; edited 2 times in total
I don't know what happened. His mom thought he should tell me. I called the cell phone, but can't get a call through or a call back. He's not staying with her anymore.
I am heartbroken...again, despite not knowing anything really, except that something happened. I could venture a guess. Wish I knew for sure. I am always prepared, but it hurts just the same.
My mom wants to know, how long will I stay on this roller coaster ride. Good question. Do I need to change my plane ticket? Good question.
Praying for myself tonight...and for him...always for him.
Heavenly Father, I perish to fathom, how many times,
I have spoken on Your behalf, as if, with authority,
and have so missed the mark, misleading, instead of guiding.
Please Father, Do not let these words be mine but, Yours.
Give me the wisdom to do so and the knowledge to know so.
Even though I am not in any position to ask of You,
Please, I ask not for myself but, for another.
Help me so the Holy Spirit can talk for You,
because I am afraid, not knowing what I should say.
Knowing how my attitude was early on, in regards to,
a man she would not leave and a relationship she was determined to save.
But, then You came into the picture....
Well, forgive me...You were always in the picture,
I didn't expect You to arrive at the scene, as You had.
Though I didn't realize You were at work all this time
I sure do see it now...
I've watched Your Glory unfold in Jenni.
I can see clearly how her views have gone from....
something greater in the Universe, to....
proclaiming Jesus, giving You the Glory and Honor.
I see it more and more every time she posts.
She has gone from being reserved to openly proclaiming.
A girl whom I once disliked...
for no reason other then, feeling like she was an Idi0t
for staying in a sh!tty relationship with an addict...
Is now someone I was Blessed,
to have been planned to cross paths with.
A girl I admire and envy at the same time,
as I see Christ's reflection through her words.
I truly believe, what You want Jenni to hear,
are the words from another, a powerful message,
which caused me to think heavily about her at the time,
then to come here and read what she had written....
simply has Your name all over it.
Jenni, below is the link to the message I heard tonight.
I plan on listening to all the archived ones as well.
Hope you will too!
I pray you will seek out...
comfort from G0D as you are hurting,
assurance from G0D to ease your fears,
direction from G0D to brighten your path
and strength from G0D to walk in Faith!
My mom wants to know, how long will I stay on this roller coaster ride. Good question. Do I need to change my plane ticket? Good question.
(I wish I knew your bf's name)
Jenni... ....Look....
There's a big problem here...and I'll tell ya what it is.
Between me & you...person to person...taking G0D out of the picture
His willingness is gone and you have to know it.
He doesn't have any excuses because he knows better.
Being an addict...I know this.
After you listen to the link...you know this.
EVERY addict who has tried to stay sober knows this...
regardless, they will not admit it.
Sobriety IS NOT dependent upon creating some higher power,
anymore then, dependent upon the highest power...
Our Heavenly Father...G0D, the Father of Christ.
It is NOT necessary to have G0D in your life,
or, a g0d in your life, to get sober.
It is not necessary to start working,
a series of steps in order to get clean,
and continually work them to stay clean.
Sobriety IS dependent upon 1 thing...
no matter what any recovering addict chooses to believe.
The willingness to discipline oneself...
TO JUST SAY NO!
Stephen is a shining example of this thus far,
such as your bf was when he made it clean,
for 30 days for the first time.
And, yes... he slipped after those 30 days.
30 days he was walking with G0D but,
it wasn't that he stopped giving it to G0D that he slipped,
he stopped being willing to just say no.
He could have laid off of G0D and continued to stay clean.
Now, the bulk of his sobriety
can only be attributed to, being confined.
He doesn't have to go to meetings....
they may be doing more harm then good....know why?
Cause if you've lost that willingness,
and think pushing yourself to go to meetings will help,
the only thing the meetings will do for you,
will be to mentally feed your addiction
before your actions actually feed your addiction.
Rehab, counseling, prescription drugs, possible death,
12 steps, meetings, G0D, your own higher power....
People may attribute their sobriety to these examples
but, the truth of the matter is.....bottom line....
An addict begins their sobriety by choosing to JUST SAY NO!
An addict continues in sobriety by choosing to...
CONTINUALLY, JUST SAY NO!!!
Your right Jenni...
Jenni wrote:
My mom wants to know, how long will I stay on this roller coaster ride. Good question. Do I need to change my plane ticket? Good question.
Indeed, these are good questions.
I pray you will not go solo as you attempt to answer them!
Peace, Love, Strength & Prayers
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
i love you! remember the story of the candles.....although everything may seem bleak and pointless right now, the one thing we all have left is hope. you have helped show me that having hope and faith in the Lord, in his plan, in others we meet in our lives, and in ourselves is never wrong. it is our ability to have this hope and faith that gives us the power to face all the challenges that life may throw our way.
i will say an extra prayer for you. i am going to a special place which is sacred to me today, to pray for strength and guidance and i will add an extra prayer for you. i will also light a candle for you in addition to one for me. love and hugs.
i have to agree with lynn on that note. in regards to your bf, however i could never understand how anyone could believe that a greater power can determine the outcome of issues relating to substance abuse. turning to a greater power is understanable when one lacks the faith, strength and courage in themselves to tackle the problem, however, to rely solely on the greater power and then perhaps question its' validity in the face of failure only further emphasizes the weakness of a persons ability to accept responsibility for their own actions.
as to your own turning to faith, jenni, it appears to have brought out something wonderful in you and i would hope that your bf's lack of willinness to quit using the drugs which may or may not eventually kill him, does not deter you from seeking your own personal rewards. these rewards, i believe, you will find through your kindness and need to help others.
you are one person, of whom a whole world waits upon, and your bf is one person who puts the world on hold while he waits for the next hit.
you cannot help him as you would like. you can only make the choice of accepting him for what he is or ditching him. many here have had to make the choice, as will you, also. strange, but i think i know what your choice is already and i am happy for you.
i, alone, choose to use. not you, nor anyone, nor a greater power can take that freedom away from me. so enjoy it or toss it.
remaining actively yours,
bill
Quote:
(I wish I knew your bf's name)
lynn,
you missed it. i had it posted for over a month (accidental) before removing it at jennis request. took it off the day she flew out to meat him at rehab.
p.s.
for the record i have been checking into the site here everyday without fail. i stayed away as i did to allow another person here to show some accountability in regards to a situation that unfolded. however, it seems apparent that they have chosen to "remain true to ones self' and neglect any responsibility and push any blame as far from themself as possible.
- I had no control of what Bill posted on this site and how he chose to bring his own thoughts across on this forum. Like all of you I read it after the fact and most likely long after you all read it, (she was aware beforehand and upon reading it the day it was posted, commented "that ought to raise a few eyebrows"
- Anyways back to business, the purpose of this thread is that I will tell who **** is to the highest bidder!!!............$$$$$$$$.............Let the games begin.,,II,, (it was both her and i who concieved the ideal of having billy post that said item)
i plan on coming back into the forum. unlike the other party who suggested that anyone wanting to know the real details could email her, i don't have a problem putting them right out on the board where they belong.
it may be that some on here would rather that the pot not be stirred and let by gones, be by gones, however, myself, in words borrowed directly from a friend on this site, i simply have to say to them all, "F*CK UM!
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
Jenni-
It is a testament to what a wonderful person you are to have so many who know you as the kind and wonderful soul that you are.
Your need for support and advice has even brought Bill out of the woodwork.
I hope that you will hear from your b/f soon, maybe you have heard from him by now. I know that once you talk with him things will be clearer.
You know I'm here for you, my cell phone is by my side.
The similarities between your b/f and Mark continue to stun me.
As you know there are a bunch of people here for this fight thing on TV and Mark as watching it with all these guys, just hanging out, and he had some beer, tho we aren't quite sure how much he drank as we were hanging out on the deck. About 5 minutes ago he took off in his car, just walked out the door talking on the phone (according to those in the living room) and then got in his car and sped off. Now he won't answer our calls.
So again our lives cross similar paths I guess.
I enjoyed talking with you tonight and sharing our thoughts on everything. And I hope we can meet up again before you leave.
Oh, Jenni, I wish I knew all the answers.
Hope your head is better and that you are able to get some sleep tonite.
I am truly blessed to have your friendship and support in my life. Thank you for all your wonderful words thoughts and prayers. I truly need them and truly appreciate them from the bottom of my heart.
I do have a little more information. He is safe. I haven't talked to him myself, but my understanding is he is safe and with family.
Lynn,
Thank you for staying up with me this morning when I could not sleep and needed a friend. Thank you also for your posts to help me sort this out. You are a blessing.
Bill,
I'm so glad you have come back. I've missed you. Thank you always for your kind generous and frank words. I will be glad to be hearing more from you again. I hope things have been going well for you, and that you have been enjoying your boys and grandson this summer.
Joanne,
Thank you also for your kindness. Your compassion for others is immense. I hope that things have calmed down in your world a bit. You are in my prayers, and I am forever grateful for yours.
Lucy,
Thanks for the talk tonight. I enjoyed it too. Your house sounded crazy, or like it was getting there. I'm here for you too. My mom came home so I charged the cell in her car. It should work until I get my other charger tomorrow. I wish I had words of comfort, advice, encouragement... for both of us tonight, but I will leave that up others. I'm still hoping we can get together too. So far Tuesday looks best for me. Westminster?
My migraine is starting to fade: Coffee, Tylenol and the Advil I took a few hours ago. Certainly all the kindness and love I have found here today, have also helped. Thank you everyone.
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