So, for the ones who know I was going home for the holidays, and for the ones who know that after that I was attending job training 5 states away from my home...here is how it went.....
I went home to see my family, and that was wonderful.
Then I tried to come home to where I live...and on Christmas night I was stuck on the side of the highway for 5 hours, after the car broke down, had to rent a hotel 150 miles from where I was supposed to get on a plane at 6am the next morning. Well, I didnt make that flight. I ended up having to spend 150 dollars that I didnt have on a rental car to get to where I needed to be to get the training I needed to get to get the new job I was so excited about. So I get on this plane, after paying for booking fees for missing the other flight...finally after 3 hours of sleep, dirty clothes, no shower, and broke as F**k, and I get to Atlanta where my flight was supposed to connect with another. But that plane had already decided to leave 30 minutes before my other plane arrived. So...with no sleep, no clothes, no money, the next plane out was 10 hours later. So I forced overdrawn money from the atm...got a shitty *censored ( | ) hotel that was rundown, cracked out, dark, no lighting fixtures that worked but there was a bed, and some sort of quiet...so I slept for 4 hours and got up, got on the next plane and off I went to training the same day.
So I shove 2 weeks of training into 2 days, with hardly enough of what I need to get by, scrounging the hotel for leftovers from the banquets they held in the lobby the night they got there...which held me over. The hotel was amazing by the way.
Anyways, I know the story is probably getting nowhere here,and it might seem like no big deal to someone to go through this, but for me...it was HUGE. so the point is, I was alone, scared, practically torn down to the last straw that held me together. I was thousands of miles from home, I was emptied and not sure where I was going. I was lost. But something kept me found. I was approached to go to the bar, like everyone else whos flight had been delayed...so where did I go from here?? What does someone like me do in a time like this???
I do what needs to be done, and take care of me, and stay sober. In other words, JUST DONT LET GO.
Then after all this I finally get home this past Saturday....
TO FIND OUT ON NEW YEARS THAT I AM PREGNANT.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME EH?
MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN GREAT, MY FAMILY IS BEING WONDERFUL, BUT IM SCARED TO DEATH.IM HAPPY BUT IM SCARED I WILL LOOSE MY JOB, SCARED THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN TO THE BABY, SCARED I WONT BE ABLE TO SUPPORT THE CHILD, WORRIED ABOUT LIVING ARRANGEMENTS...HOW WILL I FEND FOR THIS CHILD?? MY NEW JOB IS AWSOME, BUT I HAVE TO WORK TO SUPPORT A BABY, BUT I HAVE TO BE HOME TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY...AND THE JOB REQUIREMENTS ARE NOT VERY SUFFICIENT WITH AN EXPECTING MOTHER. IM AFRAID I WONT BE WHAT THEY KNEW ME AS WHEN I WAS INTERVIEWED, BECAUSE THE ROLL IS ABOUT TO CHANGE AND I AM GOING TO BECOME A NEW PERSON, AS I BRING A NEW PERSON INTO THE LIGHT.
IM JUST IN AWE WITH WHAT MY WAY CONSISTED OF, AND THAT THE WHOLE PLAN HAS CHANGED COURSE IN THE MATTER OF ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION. HOW INSTANTLY ONES LIFE CAN CHANGE, HOW QUICKLY ONES SELFISHNESS CAN BE DISSOLVED, HOW EASILY ONE CAN LEARN TO LOVE AND SURVIVE EVEN THROUGH THE HARD TIMES WITH PEOPLE THAT THEY ALMOST WANTED TO GIVE UP ON. HOW Lord PROVES TO ME THAT I NEED TO TRUST HIM TO PROVIDE THE ANSWERS SO LONG I ASK THE QUESTIONS.
AND HERE THEY ARE.
HERE IT GOES.
_________________ ~what happens to a person is less significant than what happens within them~
somewhere through all that is written in these posts is the knowledge and belief that if one can overcome their addiction, they can overcome all else that follows.
not knowing you personally i still can't help but think that this child is meant to be and can only bring more fulfillment to your life.
you'll be just fine.
bill
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
Flaggin is right, Congratulations is in order and as a "Mother to be" you will above all else provide for your child.....
Obviously you were not aware of your situation when interveiwed and I can only suggest that you approach your employer with sincere honesty and see where it goes from there. Most companies do make concession for expectant Mother's and it may not be as critical as you think. You are no doubt in a bit of shock with the surprising news and it can be a bit scary to think of the prospect and responsibility for new life, give it some time to sink in and then evaluate the situation one step at a time. The new life inside of you is a part of you and you will instinctively embrace and guard it with all the love in your heart. I worked through 3 healthy pregnancy to term and was able to return to work six weeks after delivery with the exception of the third child as I chose to stay home longer with the third. Most definately my preference would have been to stay home with all 3 of my children, but financially it was not an option I could take advantage of at the time. I can tell you that with my first, I drove my babysitter insane with my phone calls to assure myself that everything was ok.... and most assuredly it always was.
I am not exactly sure what all your job requires, but there may be options available for your consideration until you are better able to fit those requirements. You may want to address the human resource department for the company that hired you if they have one. A healthy pregnancy requires little change for the expectant Mother and you can continue to do most things without worry.... I have faith in you that you will be a wonderful Mother and it sounds like you have good support and that this child is an added blessing even though he/she is a bit of a surprise.....
Keep in touch and know that we are here for you .... enjoy the life that you have been gifted .... things will work out .... you are in for a truly amazing experience .... you'll see ....
Once again Congratulations !!!
Much Love,
Wishing You Good Health, Strength and Peace ...
Michelle
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
Freedom-
Congrats on making it thru all of that AND staying sober too. I would have been a mess as well, sounds like that was he|l, it was a HUGE thing to go thru and sounds like you did just what you needed to do and were just fine.
And congrats on the news of your pregnancy. You will handle this the same way I am sure. You will do what needs to be done and get it done. I too worked thru pregnancies of both my kids and was fine. I think that companies now handle pregnant employees very well as they have a lot of experience in doing that nowadays. You will be fine (except of course for that morning sickness LOL).
You are strong and handle difficult situations well. Embrace this new life you have inside you and enjoy it-you will be in awe of yourself for this incredible gift your body will give you.
Best of luck with your job and your baby.
Lucy
Congratualtaions!!!!! That's great. Remember nothing is put before us that we truly cannot handle if we live intentionally and ask for help when we need it. I'm so happy for you. You'll do great at your new job and motherhood. I'm sure of it.
IM JUST IN AWE WITH WHAT MY WAY CONSISTED OF, AND THAT THE WHOLE PLAN HAS CHANGED COURSE IN THE MATTER OF ONE PIECE OF INFORMATION. HOW INSTANTLY ONES LIFE CAN CHANGE, HOW QUICKLY ONES SELFISHNESS CAN BE DISSOLVED, HOW EASILY ONE CAN LEARN TO LOVE AND SURVIVE EVEN THROUGH THE HARD TIMES WITH PEOPLE THAT THEY ALMOST WANTED TO GIVE UP ON. HOW Lord PROVES TO ME THAT I NEED TO TRUST HIM TO PROVIDE THE ANSWERS SO LONG I ASK THE QUESTIONS.
I have six weeks before my baby is born, I am about to bust, the physical demands of my job are becoming harsh with the possibility of toximia which I go for testing on Monday...and more than likely will be put on bedrest, he|l, I can hardly get out of bed in the morning much less stand on my feet all day. I have gained about 45 pounds, not near the 100 my mother gained with me so I am thankful for that yet it is surely tough being bigger and heavier than normal. My feet sting, and my body aches. I just moved into a new home, which I love and adore, yet is a complete mess due to all the furniture and little things my father, papa, and sister brought down for me. And I am even more of a mess being unable to do all the things I want to do due to my inability to move around and stay super active right now. It has really been hard accepting this, being I am so independant in everything I do, and normally could stay up all night and spend all day cleaning my home, and arranging things the way I want them. Now, I have to wait until after the baby gets out, and when will I have time for all this!!! That was a beautiful day though, having my family HERE, in MY home...somewhere they have never been able to experience comfortably. Things have been great, between my and my boyf..work has been well, happiness has not been at its peak by far, but I am greatly anticipating the arrival of my new baby girl. This pregnancy has been he|l on my body, I do not enjoy being pregnant at all, I just want it over with. All in all, my life is nothing that does not need improvement, but by far not anywhere I do not wish to be. I am looking foward to gaining myself back after this pregnancy..and raising a new luv in my life.
Then, the bomb drops. My mother tells my father she does not know whether or not she wants to continue their past 25 year marriage. I know, this is not my issue, it does not belong to me, nor can I fix anything about it. But, it f*cking hurts. BAD. Like nothing I have ever experienced. My mother wants to move down here with me. The setting here must remain as calm and peaceful as possible without my supporting my mothers habits that I by far disagree with when they are not openly honest or discussed truthfully. My mother has her points, and has a right to them. They are both at fault for being human and just choose not to recognize this. My father is heartbroken, and I tried to talk to him, which was strange under such circumstances...yet I cried like I have not in years, for his pain and heartache. My resentment goes out to my mother for things unmentionable here...that have been the cause of many lies from her. I am not sure what to believe, or what to say, or how to feel, but I do know I was the one who basically told my mother that she HAD TO FIND A WAY TO SPEAK TO HIM ABOUT HER FEELINGS. That it was unfair to him to not know how she felt, and that the storm brewing inside of her had to be released. And here it is. Full force. And this is just the beginning.
Last edited by freedomisprecious on Aug 10, 2007 - 04:46 PM; edited 1 time in total
i love u! you are the strongest and most incredible person i have ever met! things will all work themselves out; you'll see!
good luck on your tests on mon. my thoughts and prayers are with you! just keep thinking those positive thoughts and it will be alright!
Quote:
And I am even more of a mess being unable to do all the things I want to do due to my inability to move around and stay super active right now. It has really been hard accepting this,
i think this is what they call the "nesting" phase. remember, right now is the longest and most trying time in your pregnancy. it's coming on the end so fast; you can't wait to hold your baby in your arms; to have everything ready and perfect for her when she comes home -- it will all come together. get plenty of rest now, be very careful not to overdo things at this stage; because over-exertion can easily bring on labour at this point! (first-hand experience talking here!)
i'm sorry to hear about your parents. even for a grown adult child; our parents and their emotional dilemas, can cause a great deal of stress and pain. maybe they will work things out once they communicate with each other. what seems impossible often isn't; so long as everyone gives it their best and most sincere effort.
i'm here for you my friend!
with all my love and support;
Joanne
Freedom, until your parents legally divorced it would unethical for your mom to "live it up", I agree with you 100%, however, to live a part for a while could be a good idea, and if she would agree to help you nursing the baby it could be not bad at all. Sometimes to appreciate what we have we need to detach, in order to feel the lost.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
Freedom-
I'm sorry to hear about your parents' situation, and this along with the difficult time during your pregnancy I am sure that you are quite distraught about all of this. You are right that there's nothing you can do to fix this, but that doesn't mean you don't experience the emotional difficulties of it, and certainly doesn't separate you from the feelings you have about it. Altho its not your doing it does impact your life, and I think you are wonderful to be there for your father and share his pain. I am sure that he is so grateful to have you back in his life and offering him support.
If you feel that your mom will cause chaos in your home, then you should let her know that you are unable to have her stay there. If you feel she will be there for assistance with the baby and emotional support for you and you want her there then that is something different. You will need to balance the pros and cons and make a decision. If you decide she can stay you should set some boundaries and discuss them beforehand.
I can't believe you are only 6 short weeks away! Incredible. I'm sorry this last trimester has become so physically draining on you, altho perhaps it is nature's way of letting you know that you can count on others who love and care about you to help you out. Independence is important and something I don't think you would ever lose, but it is ok to have a helping hand sometimes too.
Please keep us updated on how things are going. Get in the AC and get some rest. Stay well.
Freedom,
Sorry for the news you would rather have not had, and the stress and pain you are feeling. Please keep coming here if you need to vent or need support. We love you.
Thank you all for your responses. I knew there had to be a reason why I told my mother to fess up...and even more of a reason why she actually went through with it being she has never stood up for herself in her relationship or anything else for that matter. My mom and dad have not been answering the phone, staying home together, crying together, laughing together and just releasing all that has been bottled up between them for so long. So far the result has been of them making a decision to move to the town my father works to live together in a new home, in a town that has plenty to do (unlike where my mom has been stuck living 30 minutes from the nearest store without my fathers company) and my mother has fessed to all controversies within herself, and with my father. Come to find out (not hard to believe) my father has some of his own issues he needed to discuss and bring to the table...so far, it has been a way for them to ultimately connect on another level in which they have never been able to reach together. Who knows what will come of it, but at least something has surfaced and they CAN deal with truth. My poor father was really hurt, it was hard knowing how much pain he was in, but I am thankful for his reaction, and what he has stepped up to do. And my mom will only be staying a few weeks to help out here, and has a mindset that will keep her welcomed.
With me...the doc went great. No problems here. So me and my house of a belly will keep on keepin on. It is definately tough out there in the 95 degrees, with a huge belly, legs, arms, feet, and everything else...not to mention the so uncomfy maternity clothes, and the dark blue polo shirt I wear. I get very agravated out there, but its my job and it has to be done. I just keep thinking to myself, this will all be over soon. And Ive done it for almost 8 months, so whats another??
At home things are tough. We have a roomie living with us, once again...my boyf best friend. And go figure this(nothing new)...he is being a looser and has been here one month without even stepping one foot towards the bus line that is maybe 30 feet away. OR waking up anytime before noontime. So..this resulted in my being upset, confronting my man, and my boyf going off on him last night because he feels the same and it is effecting him just as directly as it is me. Too much drama for me with two men yelling and fighting, I just sit still on the couch and continue reading my baby magazine! My boyf said everything I would have so no reason for me to butt myself in there. After they gave up fighting last night, I am hoping to find some resolve today when I come home. Some people would just rather live the way they always have, even given a chance to change and make progress. Its sad, but I spare my own sympathy towards it. Like I had explained to my man, it may not always be that we actually become our surroundings like some may think or like I have thought myself, but I am finding more so that my surroundings that I cannot compare to myself, or that royally piss me off result in my subconcious thinking all the things I do that I hold high to myself or feel others close to me should be proud of, tend to become weakened and give feeling of less importance to all the things that I do that normally I would be proud of. In other words it works on all aspects of my self esteem, my pride in my home, my comfort of myself and my actions. Point blank, get it out of my life not because it does me no good, but because it does nothing but wear me out and strain the very being I am working to become.
Our finances are shooting through the roof with this baby on the way and doc bills and getting prepared and paying normal bills on top of that as well as eating cost, living expenses along with the emotional stress for having another mouth in the house...its way beyond unstable right now, and its killing me. I have no idea how we are going to pull through it, but know it must happen. I have to come out on the other side of this pregnancy- its one of those inevitable things- so Im just walking through it right now. Kinda frozen, shocked, and way too behind to actually stress over it...(fixes nothing) and do not want the baby to come out scared of life! I pray she is ok and in good health, and with that I can rest. Life is life, and it throws some balls sometimes, but who they he|l am I to think I can catch them all??
freedom-
I am glad that your parents are putting some work into their relationship, and have been able to pull closer together.
I think it is so easy to fall in to rote during a marriage, to assume certain roles, to take advantage of one another, that sometimes the marriage needs a new awakening.
The plan for your mom to come help out sounds helpful, and I am glad that this was sorted out prior to her actually coming.
As for the finances I can only say that things just have a way of working out. We may not always get what we want, but we have what we need.
You will find after your daughter is born that you have lots of additional little expenses here and there, but trust me, in about 13 years from now (or sooner) when she finds the joy in shopping, that is when the expenses really shoot thru the roof.
Please don't stress yourself out worrying about all of these things, you have enough now just dealing with the physical aspects of your pregnancy.
I hope you are getting some rest and not to working too hard.
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