Seven years ago after my divorce,
I rented a home across from the
elementary school that Jordan,
my youngest would be attending.
Within the first week Jordan met
two little boys that no one
seemed two want to play with,
I knew this because I had
witnessed a scene on the play-
ground in which the Mother had
come to the aid of her boys in
a manner that I did not quite
understand.
There were many young kids present
and the language that was flying was
not in my opinion suitable for young
children. I left my yard and walked
over to see what the problem was and
actually had words of warning with
the Mother that was so adamantly
defending 2 small boys of mixed origin.
When she discovered I was Jordan’s Mother
her words softened and she later apologized
for her display and explained the hardship
her kids often suffered at the hand of the
other children.
They lived in the housing unit across
the street and Angie was determined to
protect her boys always. She had 4
children 2 daughters and a 2 sons,
which were the youngest.
Her older daughter 13 or 14 at the time
had a inquisitive nature and fell in
with the wrong at an early age. She was
tall for her age and looked much older
then the mere 14 years that she had
behind her.
She was consistently a runaway, so that
she could hang and use with her “friends”,
people she had met that had the same
interest, most of them older.
She had done time in the juvenile detention
center and had a record all of her offenses
related to drugs or crimes she committed to
use drugs.
Through her times clean, I saw a beautiful
young girl that loved to write and share
time with her Mom and her siblings.
It was clear that she loved them, but as time
would pass, Falon would disappear and the
worry would once again befall her family.
At one point, Angie and I pulled her from a
housing unit across town where men were
performing trains on her, and yes Falon was
a willing participant for the opportunity to
obtain her drug.
The last time I saw Falon was in the
neighborhood I now live in last summer.
She flagged me down from a luxurious
vehicle while I was walking my dog Sara.
It took me a moment to recognize her,
because the young woman that I saw was
vibrantly beautiful and happy and
healthier then I had ever seen her.
She pulled over and told me about how
she found a wonderful man and had begun
her family and that drugs and the
lifestyle she lived was thing of the past.
They were moving to a nice house and were
in search of a pet to share the love in
their new home. I was relieved and happy.
Last night, I was up late organizing my closet, I could not sleep. I came across a shirt that Falon had bought new but decided that was not quite what she wanted and she gifted it to me along with a pair of jean shorts that I still wear. Two buttons now missing on the shirt, but I smiled as I packed it away in a rubbermaid box intended for Goodwill. The smile was for all the conversations I had had with Falon and the idea that she had turned out ok after all.
Falon’s Mom now lived about 4 blocks from me and Jordan 14 came home early yesterday to tell me the news. He had tears in his eyes as he explained to me that Falon had been murdered several towns over shortly after midnight that morning.
Jordan was emotionally shaken and sick to his stomach as we climbed in the vehicle to check on Angie. Cars lined the street leading to her house to the point that I had to basically leave my vehicle in the rode. The house was full of concerned friends and family that recognized me as I approached the porch. A woman led me to a room to see Angie and for the life of me what I saw was the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed. I don’t think I have ever witnessed grief and pain so deep.
She grabbed me and as I fully supported the weight of her trembling body, cried as body shook with emotion .... all her words wanting to come out at once, but barely audible because of the immense pain and tears...
“Shel, a child is not to go
before her mother.... I tried
to keep her on the right track,
she is gone, so horrible there
is nothing I can do.... the
kids can’t be her because they
can not bare to see me like this.”
Before returning home Jordan and I looked up the two boys, one at a friends and the other the at a grandmother’s home.... Jordan and I held Trey the youngest as he cried silently, no words to be spoken, as he shook his head in acknowledgment of the words being spoken. DJ much the same, a family all separated by grief. We were unable to locate Mesha age 16.
So this is where it can lead ... love for a drug that cares nothing for you, or the people that love you ... 2 small children now with out a Mother, and a Mother’s heart breaking for the loss of her daughter. Kids that knew their sister had traveled the wrong road from time to time, but never truly expected to lose the gal that they described as quick on her feet and who many times could run like a deer to reach a destination that cared nothing for her or about her.
She was staying with a friend and the front door gave way, she had no time to react and was shot in the head and the chest in the bedroom of a small rundown home .... no doubt that she had angered, or cheated or betrayed someone. The truth may never be known as they have not caught the person that killed her. One has to wonder what happened that they felt the need to take her life in such a gruesome manner. Although Falon had her faults it is her beauty that I will remember, her kindness in spite of her pain of addiction..... Falon was 21.....
I thank you for reading and I ask that this story be shared where appropriate with great hope that those that chose to take risk to use fully realize that this could happen to anyone.... Falon was not a bad person, but her choices due to her addiction put her in a position that ended her young life at the age of 21 years old. I know that she felt she was clever, street wise and indestructible, sadly she was not ... I know Falon would approve of me sharing this story .... so I thank you for allowing me to share it here ...
I love you Falon .......
Strength and peace to all ....
Michelle
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
This is a tragic loss and I can't imagine how Falon's mother is dealing with this. How do you outlive your children? I hope to never know. I am sorry for your loss as well Michelle. So young, so sad.
Lucy
Wow, i think thats what we fear the most, that it could happen to our loved one that is addicted, whether we are the mother, husband, wife or boyfriend or girlfriend its very scary. No one deserves to go like that.....no one!!! Sorry for your lost michelle and thanks for sharing your story. May you rest in peace Falon.
Thank you for the kind words and acknowledgement of what has been very hard for me to digest regarding Falon. Her funeral was postponed for reasons I am not sure until Friday. I have done what I could to help with Falons siblings while her Mother takes care of the arrangements. There is a candle-light vigil to celebrate her life this evening from 6- 7 p.m., I am going to try and attend that as well as the other services, but I am not quite sure of anything at the moment....
The weekend was a disaster with my loved one to he point that I will find it very difficult to even discuss at the moment. I have pretty much totally removed myself from the equation and really have not had the time or the want to consider if my choice is reasonable at this point, but I when my mind is more clear, I will look back over the situation, I just can't deal with it at the moment.
Another tragedy early this week concerning a close friend of one my boys, and although I am glad my son that Jason, age 19 was not part of, or present for the incident the added pain of another loss has me pretty broken at the momment. His friend died Monday after celebrating his 21st birthday after going out with his roommates. His blood alcohol level was 4 times the legal limit and he was found dead in the back seat of his friends car, his services are set for Saturday ... The level of emotions regarding so many people that I care about are at peak level right now. Jason's friends trying hard to deal with the loss as well as much guilt and shame for not handling the situation differently then they did. There is not really much more that I can say at this point besides, please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers.
I simply wanted to touch base with you all and let you know that I will return here as I can and I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers as well.....
Love, Strength and Peace to all ....
Michelle
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
There are really no words to lighten the burden that so many have felt over the past week here, or so I thought.....
I missed Falon's vigil last night as my weary bones were too cold and fragile to with stand the cold dampness of that the night offered and emotionally I needed to store my energy for today as I had two services to attend as Josh's burial will be in Collinsville, IL and I am unable to make the trip at this time.
I am mentally and physically exhausted, but my heart is working to find the peace that it so desperately needs in spite of all that has recently happened. My hope for this coming year to be better had me feeling confident and strong, but I am learning further that it is not up to me, but how we deal with what is set before us does matter.
Tomorrow will be a day for rest, for me to find warmth and new hope for days ahead.... I know better then to expect miracles, but I will continue to work hard on reaching the desitination within myself that I wish to be....
Falon's service was scheduled from 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 PM but ran to 3:30, which left us enough time to come home regroup and attend Josh's funeral. The turn out of Falon's service and the sermons and opportunities given to those that wanted to speak was a beginning to a healing that I can only hope will extend far beyond the walls of the church that supported so many friends and family memebers. The sermons brought light and understanding for me that I would not have wanted to miss on any count. Dispite the tragic way Falon left us, she brought light and love to so many in spite of any faults that she may have guided her in a poor direction, we all have faults, but testomony that Falon did know Jesus, tells me that when her Falon fell from her wounds, the Lord grabbed her hand to take her home as stated by her grandmother during the service.
Josh's service also gave a feeling of peace, that he is now in the Lords welcoming arms.... a time to grieve and a time to heal, we will all get there in our own time and need to be grateful for the time time that we were allowed to share in their lives.
Darell has been clean 6 days at the end of this day, since our fallout on Sunday. He offered his presence to me through Falon's funeral and I accepted, his efforts were greatly appreciated and his support was welcomed. I know this is a small step, but non the less it is a step in a good direction for him. He nor his truck has left his parents home since I left him there Sunday morning, which leads me to believe that with the exception of Falon's funeral, I need to keep the distance that I have set.
I still have not had time to clearly think things through, and I am open for any and all suggestions as my mind is not yet thinking clearly due to the events in the past weeks that have seemed unending to the point that I fear opening my eyes to a new day, not knowing what is yet to come. I can honestly say that I am scared and emotional empty from what I have been dealing with for the past 5 plus years in combination with current events.
I know that it is in the Lord that I need to put my faith and the rest will follow according to his plan and need to keep my heart open for what he has in store for me.... so it is to him I will look as I continue to work on "me."
Michelle-
I'm so so sorry for all of the pain you and those around you are going thru. Your poor son, its so difficult to lose a friend, but he's so young to have to be having that experience already. He must as well feel overwhelemed by all of the tragedy effecting your family right now.
I am glad Darrell was there to support you, that was a kind and unselfish act of caring and you needed him there and he was there for you. That was a decent humane thing to do.
Funerals are so draining, and I am glad that you were able to find peace and understanding from the services. I am sure if anything that those leaving this world would want to be able to comfort their loved ones and let them know they are ok and to have such an impact on them. Hopefully some love and caring will continue to pass on to others, and this will help in the mourning and healing process of losing 2 young people.
I wish strength and peace to you now, as you have done so often for me.
Lucy
I'm sorry too for all that has happened, and the multiple losses you have had to endure in such a short time. I know the strain is tremendous, as has been the stress of the last 5 years.
You are very strong, though you may not be feeling that way now. Give yourself time and take care of yourself and your son. You don't have to know what to do right now, so put it aside and just take care of yourself.
I'm glad that Darrell was able to be supportive and is on day 6. I hope that he continues to turn himself around.
Dear Michelle,Just want to say im thinking of you and am sorry to here of your lost.It is hard to deal with the lost of any loved one or good friend but when it is dealing with ones that die so young and needless it is so hard to bare.My prayers and thoughts are with you as you go through this trying time and always.
Love from Diane
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