Hello,
help! help! help!
I guess for anyone reading this beforehand know this, that I am disturbed in my mind and thoughts. Depression over drug use of a certain person who I value in this life is eating away at me. I am sure this is a great place with a wealth of information. Reading some articles I familairize myself with what is the obvious, truth is I have no hope the crack use of my loved one is never ending and why? The whole world crashes around and there is no concern for that aspect just how to further obtain more of this substance. There is no "rock bottom" it should have been reached along time ago. To be honest I feel guilt because I refuse to talk or offer anymore help to this trapped person because of the way I been treated and things that were done to me. I can say I know the drug use is still continuing and started many years ago. I feel guilty because after all I was taught to forgive and forget but, how can I allow myself to promote crimes and assist with doing things that could land me up in a cell? Or, is it that I am making excuses to not try and help this person out anymore. Do I just want to dismiss my own dark side in times of peril? I am unforgiving this dear loved one in order to just not deal with it anymore. I have now become unforgiven2. Deal with what ? The stealing, cheating, lying, physical and mental abuse not to mention the pain of watching the sickness grow. I am sick to my stomach, rehab didn't work, prison niether, nor did the in and out of jail, and having not one thing of value. No car, no home, no good clothes, no money, no job, no life really but, only value is to get high at the cost of others paying for the drug.A very expensive, wasteful habit might I add.
Memories of the good times( life without drugs) they rip at me because after all I remember this person who was not dedicated to drugs. The love that was excerted was great love and honestly now that person is stone cold. " Eyes are mirrors to soul " and I can say by looking deeply there is unkindness and a change in mental functioning. A psychosis errupted of paranoia and I have become a nothing because I no longer assist in the never ending process of providing means to that drug. I have lost hope, I have lost faith, I have lost confidence, I have lost patience. I imagine I gained guilt and I don't know I have to deal with it daily as if I am a murderer for not showing I care not reaching out more but what do you do when all senerios have been reached. I see death as enevitable of course, but why make life a living he|l? No longer is it just partying on the weekends it is a way of life and daily living. I am bitter in aspect to my emotions and my tears have been and still are useless. Words what have they done for me? My suggestion is this if your loved one just started using get help for them right away as the years keep passing it becomes harder and depending on the addict untreatable from what I been shown. Now back to the guilt is there anyone who knows what I am feeling? Can you tell me if what I am doing is selfish? I have become weak, older and unsure of what to do to save a life.
I just want to say that if you have offered your help in the past to this person and it has not helped then you shouldnt waste your breath offereing it anymore. I have been addicted to crack for 3 years. There were many people that loved me and begged me to stop. They offered love and support to me but I refused to take it. See the thing is this person your talking about cant see he hurt hes causing. He cant comprehend it and never will until HE is ready to. My honest opinion is that if you really love this person you need to walk away. Believe it or not there is a rock bottom I know because I reached it. My boyfriend was gone, my kids were gone, my mother father and sister were all gone. I was all alone and then it hit me. Until people stop enabling him he wont stop. Just sitting there and not saying anything about what hes doing and just letting him do is enabling him. He cant quit because of his love for you and anyone else. He needs to see for himself what hes lost and he can only quit and succeed at staying sober when he does it for himself and only himself. I am telling you from being there first hand. If you love him as much as you say you do then you need to leave and cut him out of your life thats the only way he will ever get better. His whole family needs to do the same. No contact, no coming home, no money NOTHING!!! Thats the only way he will ever get fixed and realize what hes doing to himself and to others.
Awesome. a response this is great thanks I been beside myself hoping to find advice, I guess to make me feel better inside. To be honest I have been addicted to drugs myself and niether will I lie. I guess I never had to hit the total bottom to get off. I assume it is correct to say each addiction is different. You are right, I am wondering if you are clean now and if so how did you do it? Second of all the suggestion of everyone turning thier back in order to stop (enableing) is a feasable thing to do but do you think there is worse consequenses to that. I know you are not psychic or can tell me the future but I guess what i am getting at is the dangers of being homeless. This person has never been on the street before always had the luxery of family to provide a home and I know they are about to turn thier backs and I worry and worry and make myself mentally sick. Well at anycase I have made the cut I have called the cops and discontinued talking to or doing anything but it hurts like he|l. Thank you! I will meditate on all you have said over and over again because I can start to train myself in believing I am doing the right thing. It is hard for me to believe that I am and no one I personally know can give me advice so your post is the first bit of assurance
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
I read that ????? It left me confused The survey seems to general and not meant for specifically one drug comparison to the other. It did on the other hand have some good info.
unforgiven2-
I have read your posts and also read Gene's link and understand your confusion. I don't think there is an easy answer here, and of course there are always more then 1 way to look at things.
You have to evaluate your situation personally. If you are in an unsafe situation due to a loved one's addiction then you are 100% in the right to get out of that situation/relationship.
You can not beat yourself up for someone else's choice to use drugs. It sounds like you have made attempts to help this person and you should give yourself credit for doing so. When is it time to stop trying to help an addict get healthy and clean? I sure don't know the answer to that one, but I feel you have to give it your best shot until you know in your gut that your help isn't going to work.
You know your situation best. You have to take care of yourself too. If you don't have people you can talk with then you should come here often for support and education.
I also wonder how much different that poll would have been if it was specifically done on family members of crack addicts, seems that people usually have a pretty dismal outlook on their recovery vs alcohol addiction.
Best wishes to you.
Lucy
Thank you, Lucy !
I appreciate it because today I was able to go to my state department of corrections and see the face I love so much usually most inmates have pictures there and sure enough. I refuse to put a name in here in case I could reccomend this site to that person in the future,That is why I use general info. In regaurds to praying I feel neglected because the man upstairs hasn't intervened. I could use the support and am grateful for it. The person responsible for introducing the drug is pictured underneath my loved ones.Sick to say but I am glad...I know placing blame defeats any gratification at all but I tend to believe I could help in the process of defeating this habit but only if I am not met with resistance.I am battleing with a mind vs, hert matter and I don't know which to listen to and to get to the point I will continue to seek out hope because to give up is failure. I guess the only honest way I would know that my help isn't gonna work is when death results. Seriously, now I must learn what tactics to take and so on. I don't really have no to talk to on these issues because no one knows what I am going through as far as people in my life so thanks for the support. Sometimes I feel like dying maybe just dead inside and need revived.
I would like to share with you some of what I've been through. When I was using crack everyone was always there to help me. If I needed a place to sleep, money for drugs, anything at all they were there for me. But it was killing them inside to see me that way. One day my mother told me that if I walked out of her house again she would never allow me back nor would she accept my phone calls. I just turned and walked away becasue I didnt really believe her. Well as it turns out she was serious. She was tired of hurting everytime she was or heard from me and looking back I dont blame her for what she did. I have 2 little boys who lived with my mother at the time so not being able to come back to her house meant not being able to see them anymore. It took me a month for all of it to really settle inside my brain and for me to realize that I was all alone. My whole family was gone. That is what got me on the path to sobriety. My mother has told me that it hurt her so bad to do that to me but she just couldnt enable me anymore. I dont think that there is a middle ground. Now when I decided to get sober and stop smoking crack my mother was the first one by my side. She said I will only ever be willing to help you as long as you are helping yourself. "Gene" apparently doesnt agree with me on this and has said me to be ignorant. I take offense to that because I am not sure he has ever had an addiction to crack. An addiction to crack is not like any other addiction its worse than any other. It consumes you and numbs you physically, mentally, and emotionally. and if he has had this addiction then he was lucky to not have to deal with his family walking away and that makes him very lucky. But for the most of us we need to see what were losing and the only way to do that is to lose it. Sometimes it hurts to try to help but its worth it in the end I promise you it will be.
I am sorry I think you are smart, for starters crack is one of the hardest drugs to overcome so congrads to you. I been a user personally not something I like to admit but I feel comfortable here to do so. I too was able to defeat it's power over me.
You would think there is one right way to do something but it don't work so you try something else that might help the user to quit and again same senerio over and over again.You came to your senses because your mother had to do one of the hardest things cut you out and send you on your way. It is always the user who has the terms they want because the drugs power convinces them that logical is unlogical. Things that one can do on this drug can be viewed as horrible but in our eyes we can't see past the "tweaking" to get control of ourselves.
I read your other post and the info the admin sent. It tells of an alcholic son whose mother does not kick him out but says you are out of the house if you drink and can't come back for 72 hours instead. So he was scared over that and didn't drink no more. That is great and some people can stop over fear. When fear isn't present it create a bigger problem. Promblem one with crack cocaine it is harder to control.I do know an alcholic although who would still bottles but that high or drunkardness last longer then crack.What I am getting at is this Having lot's of drug friends, (if that is what you can call them) to stay with how is that gonna help my loved one? I am trying to like your mom did either off the drug if not stay out or, keep going in and out with my money which you stole and it is in your pocket type thing....? That is how it has been for five years of living with that person.I agree with you it is called tough love that is the conclusion I came to anways. I have not even spoke or had anything to do with since the drug is still #1. It has bee awhile now and I feel like this if you are ready to quit come talk to me but till then do your own thing. I feel like your mother did.
Now days you can't spank your children, now days most people are more concered with money and self interests not really reflecting on the fact that almost all the prison inmates are there because of drugs. Here again it aint in our control what can we do?! It is up to the drug user to stop. If you look up department of corrections in your state and you do the research there it will astound you.Type in ant last name you will see. Then again maybe you already know this. As far as trying to talk about the problem it is kind of hard when everything you say to try to do to help is avoided and ignored. A person wants the change truelly wants it then they will get it. You can't force a person to stop wish I had handcuffs and that was legal. I think if everyone stopped giving into that person your right that will force them into serious thinking.
I am sure you aren't saying to anyone who might read this to take these measures because everyone is different but rather stating that if the drug use continues and is out of control then those measures worked for you. I appreciate that because I have taken those measure of cutting ties in hope that will awaken critical thinking. Do I feel guilt yes, I always have reguardless if I was giving money to get drugs or by what I am doing now. I am sure your mom did feel bad no mother like to see thier flesh and blood have no where to go but thankfully she cared that much right.
Sorry if I talk to much as I have said before no one knows what it is like in my circle of freinds and so I finally found a place to vent, learn and express my thoughts.
I read that ????? It left me confused The survey seems to general and not meant for specifically one drug comparison to the other. It did on the other hand have some good info.
The differentiation of outcome depending on drug will be important if this questionnaire would study different type of treatments. This study analysed general outcome of treatment, and did came to the conclusion that treatment is beneficial for different types of addiction.
Some key quotes:
Quote:
-The vast majority of family members interviewed say their addicted relatives who sought treatment got better or completely recovered. Respondents who say their addicted relative completely recovered attribute family support or pressure, self-determination, or health scares as the major factors assisting that recovery. -
-One of the challenges in overcoming substance addiction is getting the person to admit he or she has a problem. The poll results underscore this. Slightly more than half of the respondents, 54%, say their family member admitted to them that he or she had an addiction. This is the case even though 69% of respondents say they have personally confronted their family member about the addiction. -
-Those who confronted their addicted family member were much more successful in getting him or her to admit the addiction (65%) than those who did not confront their relative (29%). -
-49%, say their family member ever sought treatment to attempt to overcome the addiction. This includes 19% who say their family member sought treatment on their own, and 30% who did so because others intervened. -
-Poll respondents were asked for their views of the main reasons their relatives were able to overcome their addictions. The top responses were: family involvement (23%), both in terms of support of, and pressure on, the addicted family member; self-determination or willpower (15%) on the part of the addicted family member; and health reasons (12%) including life or death experiences. -
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
Well I would like to ask Admin a question I think they call you Gene right? Well Gene have you ever had an addiction to crack cocaine? It is not like any other drug. There is no class or category for it to fit in. It stands alone in its own realm under the headline he|l...You constantly want to contridict me about what I say to help people but Im not sure if you actually know what youre contridicting. Unless you have ever had an addiction to crack cocaine itself you will NEVER understand. It is not like any other addiction out there. This site, I assume, was set up so that fellow addicts and family members of addicts could share their thoughts, ideas, and things that worked for them. So many people have tried to reach out to their loved ones addicted to crack for years with no response. Eventually you come to your ropes end and that is when you can do one of 2 things. Continue to deal with it and let it kill you as well as the person you love or you can cut them out and go on about your life and wait for them to seek help themselves. You talk about an "eye-opener" well losing your entire family and not having anyone to turn to as long as your getting high is an eye-opener. Thats when people start to realize what they are losing and how it affects their family. WHen I was getting high I could never see why my mom cared so much it was my life I was destroying not hers. But when she was gone I realized what I was doing to her and how I was hurting her and what I was losing. So really I would like to know if youve ever been addicted to crack cocaine because that answer will help me determine how much you actually know about this drug and its addiction. You could read all the material in the world but unless youve been there youll never understand
unforgiven and Im2-I think that Gene is trying to show you another road of recovery. I've never used crack so I don't know what it takes to get and stay clean, so I am certainly not an expert on that. For the record I idealize tough love and hope that if my situation ever came to that point I would be able to reinforce it. However, with my son being the crack addict in our family, I did chose to fight for him with him living at home. He is 23 and we could have kicked him out, but instead we tried some different routes and have had pretty good success with a short inpatient stay and NA meetings. HOWEVER, I should note that he never stole from us (from his own bank account and credit cards but not ours) and he never was threatening or even disrespectful to us, so his living with us did not put us in any unsafe situation. So again, there is another side to the story. I think this is what we need to remember, there is always another side to a story, another way to get clean, a whole new story with any and every addict, so we cannot absolutely refuse to see all the different choices available to us. Yes, crack is a horrible addiction and only an addict will ever know how hard it is to keep it off the brain, but some addicts will respond to one way of therapy or another once they have stayed clean long enough to see the adverse effects on their lives. Other addicts will get better when they are left on their own with no money or chance of using. Other addicts will continue to use and end up dead or in jail. Lots of options there.
Anyway, as posted in here before, "Help is where YOU find it".
Let's just find the help and give the help here as best we can.
Take care.
Lucy
THANKS Admin, for clarification, I wish it were so in my case.... This person has said over and over there is a problem. I as well as others have confronted but that hasn't helped. Is there any other recomendations as I have read you are highly educated. Did you create this site? Were you ever addicted? What came about with your choice of helping cocaine users? Thanks for your support everyone here is a wonderful to reach out for help or to help there is a strong love in here to help those who are using. I think this is a great place to work on those issues. I have learned many different points of view all which have given me aspect into the situation. I need to view things on many different angles. Thanks again and thanks everyone..
Sorry I didn't read these post before I asked those questions. That is a good point that I have to say I agree with you Im2sweet...I had to go through alot for this person. I think personality and how a person acts should be looked at when making a choice to help. I don't know of a nice person when they are craving and coming down. I know a violent person who has stole thousands of dollars. That might seem like a small amout of money but all in a few weeks a savings account gone. I could go to the poor house to "support" and convice this person to stop. I could be out on the streets if I allowed it so. This person knows how to forge checks apply for a visa in my name and many other people. If prison aint the bottom, rehab aint the cure..... you see my case. It is misery. Now I am not on here looking for anyone to say oh poor you no I am on here because I do still care and any help or advice I will pay very close attention to. This has been many years double digits in the making. A person don't became addicted overnight but that is all it takes.
Lucy, you are wonderfully right, I agree not to disagree with anyone here but glady want to help. I hope this posting will give clarification on the different extremes and help someone else trying to figure it out gain some insight. I am happy to hear your son is making progress.It is a long journey and something to rejoice over.
I am getting to respect each one of you for speaking up and the help that is offered here and it is free!
Quote:
Let's just find the help and give the help here as best we can.
I agree, I need many different points of view and advice and it doesn't need to be all the same. I have tried many things so everyone, I appreciate this diversity hope it makes the bond closer. keep me posted on any new things to try and I gladly will do so.
Has anyone seen that tv show about people addicted to drugs? I seen it once it looks kind of fake or is it real?You can call to have your self or loved one go to treatment. I think I will continue to watch it but it seems a little too Hollywoodish.
To Im2sweet4u1983
Gene is my name, it's in my signature. I am not addicted to cocaine, crack cocaine or any other mind controlling substances. However, I am passionate about many things: my family, good books, photography, my work.
I am professionally interested in substances abuse since 1986. I am aware of you personal experience; however, if you read references (links) that I posted before (and you should) you will find that some of your assumptions are mistaken. I would like to emphasised one more time: your assumption, because you did not know better way, it doesn't mean that better way is not exist. Now, when we done with clarification, let me to extend here.
Gene.
PS
Quote:
It is not like any other drug. There is no class or category for it to fit in. It stands alone in its own realm under the headline he|l..
Actually there is a category for it. Cocaine, crack cocaine is in category of Stimulants among with amphetamines: methamphetamine which is called a "new crack". Also caffeine is very mild stimulant, if not abused it is beneficial for your health.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
What came about with your choice of helping cocaine users? Thanks for your support everyone here is a wonderful to reach out for help or to help there is a strong love in here to help those who are using. I think this is a great place to work on those issues. I have learned many different points of view all which have given me aspect into the situation. I need to view things on many different angles. Thanks again and thanks everyone..
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
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Posted:Jan 07, 2007 - 11:57 AM
here.