Steve-
Sounds like your sister is absolutely and totally out of control. And it is all very confusing.
Your poor grandparents, I just don't know how they are continuing to deal with all of these people and all of the stress that is being brought into their home. This is not good for them in any way.
And you cannot jeopardize your life with your son because of your sister's use. You are right to set boundaries and require her to abide by them in order to reside with you.
Physical violence should in no way be tolerated by your mom or anyone in your family. And her walking around with a butcher knife sounds crazy, is she at all mentally stable and capable of controlling these things?
Steve, can you get her into rehab? If not have you considered calling the police when she does something violent? Or taking her to the ER to urgent psych eval or something?
I am concerned that this is just too out of hand for you all to try to keep handling on your own.
Steve don't seclude yourself. I know that it is easier to sink into your own world, but its not healthy. You need to stay emotionally healthy for yourself and your son. Please unburden yourself here and let us help hold you up.
I hope that your mom will choose to join into this discussion so she can also get some support and not carry this around on her shoulders.
Lucy is right. You cannot tolerate violence. Threatening and violent behavior should not be tolerated and requires police and/or psychiatric intervention. In violent situations sometimes that is the help you give to your loved one. Doesn't feel that way. They certainly don't take it that way, but allowing it to continue doesn't help anyone and can have devestating and lethal consequences.
I've been thinking about you Steve. I haven't read or written on anyone's thread really, but you are in my thoughts and prayers frequently. Please protect yourself and your son, and encourage your grandparents and mother to do the same.
i don't believe that i have ever previously responded on your thread; but my heart and very soul ache for you. you are carrying such a heavy, heavy load. please, don't isolate yourself from your friends here at the site. yours is a burden that needs to be shared with all those here who care deeply about you.
in reading your latest posts, tears came to my eyes. your deep and sincere love for your sister comes flowing out of your heart and soul through every word you write. i agree with lucy and jenni and think that at this point, your sister needs protection from her very own self. she does seem to be breaking down mentally and unfortunately, this may all end tragically. please take care of yourself and your son. i will add you to my prayers.
peace, love and strength to you. you are an incredible man. your friend,
Hopeseternal (Joanne)
The shock but not so shocking events of yesterday.
Yesterday my sister had to go before the parole board she had missed some UA's and wasn't following through with
out- patient meetings and classes but here is the thing I kept in on her to go to rehab (she didn't want to for a while) finally she agreed to a few weeks ago and talked to her drug consellor he had her set up to go near the end of August or September as there is a waiting list but she would only go there for two months. The parole board knew yesterday that she had been set up for rehab and ready to go but decided to instead send her back to prison for six months. I could go yesterday but my mother did. I was upset with Anette and didn't believe that she told her consellor anything about rehab but I talked with him yesterday to find out if he knew why she went back as my mom wasn't allowed in her hearing. He said yes, she was going to rehab but she messed up so for me not to be mad at the parole and that she has to stop making excuses.
I didn't even hug her and barely talked to her the day before and I knew she had her hearing but I thought they wouldn't send her back since they didn't the last time she went before them. I then thought they just don't want to let her go to rehab until after I talked to her drug consellor.
My mother was in tears because she told me that my sister was looking foward to rehab and said that she was excited and scarred but going to clean up her act and what she was doing was not right.
I was really hopeful that she would get rehab but I would have prefered extensive rehab not for just two months and this is something I have to trust in Lord because have I ever been praying take this burden and pain and that he knows what is best and carried that out and that he will help her.
Yes, she does get out of control everytime she starts using crack. she becomes so out of it and far away it is horrifying. It has been so many years of drug abuse that it has taken a toll on her psychologically.
My mom has been reading here and is not ready to post just yet she said she will but she has been here learning and reading. Starting with your thread Lucy because you are a mother going through the similar trials and tribulations.
Lord knows, Annette has so many good qualities and can be so loving but that drug has turned her into a darkened soul every time it is in her system. It was dangerous living with her and something had to happen it was out of control. This drug is very evil I will pray for your son please pray for my sister.
Steve
Last edited by unforgiven2 on Aug 23, 2007 - 09:29 PM; edited 1 time in total
Thanks for your thoughts and your prayers. I know GODD hears and I believe he works in masterious ways and sometimes I don't understand it but he came through to intervene just in time in his time. I feel bad you never want to see your love one in prison not once not twice never especially not over and over but I am gonna put my faith entirely in his hands. THank you for all your beautiful and very needed words of comfort you have been a very needed blessing to me and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers too.
I will end my posting for tonight with this one to you. I had to respond to you and say thank you. I really appreciate your words and for me the tears have become something I can't fight off.
I hope to talk to you more and get to know your stuggles too as you have taken my burden on to yourself and felt it. Your words are true my sister did need protection from herself and that helps me to again be able to deal with the pain of her going back to prison. She will be in jail for about a month till they trasport her so I will go visit her even if it is only for 15 minutes.
Thanks for being a freind. I will be talking to you soon.
Steve
I don't understand it but he came through to intervene just in time in his time. I feel bad you never want to see your love one in prison not once not twice never especially not over and over but I am gonna put my faith entirely in his hands.
Steve,
Of course we don't want to see our loved ones in jail. Perhaps Annette was saved this time. If she truly was excited about rehab, perhaps a little more clean time in jail will give her more opportunity to think about what she was becoming, what she was doing to her family. Perhaps when she finally does get to rehab it will be more meaningful.
My b/f believes he was saved again. Saved from himself. Drinking. Only a matter of time before he picked up the pipe. He is sitting in jail now. Hating every minute of it....but this time he is thinking. Thinking he has to change the way he does things, so he doesn't end up there again. Thinking of the future he can have if he does things differently and takes care of himself. While he sits in there he is thinking...and while he sits in there, things that have been hanging over his head for years, are being wiped clean.
It is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but perhaps it is what he needed. Perhaps it is what Annette needed.
I hope your mom is able to "reframe" what happened with the parole board. My b/f needed to be held accountable for what he had done in the past. Annette needed to held accountable for what she has been doing. It is sad that accountability had to come at such a price, but the alternative continuing in a downward spiral....perhaps that fate was far worse and the consequences our loved ones are experiencing are more merciful.
I hope that Annette will use her time wisely, and make wise choices when she does get out. My b/f thought he would be out by now. When he was thinking that he would be out in the beginning of July....I knew he was not ready. I think now...he is more ready. Hopefully ready enough. We are hoping he will get released next week, and I am hoping he will follow through on taking care of himself and making healthy choices. I know he can do it...and I know he will. I hope this is the time. There are still more court dates, so we will see if his slate still needs some cleaning.
As always you are in my prayers, as is your family.
Yesterday my sister had to go before the parole board she had missed some UA's and wasn't following through with
out- patient meetings and classes but here is the thing I kept in on her to go to rehab
(she didn't want to for a while) finally she agreed to a few weeks ago......
*but here is the thing*
As if, o.k...she violated her parole but......
But, what?
BUT NOTHING
"Tough titty" said the kitty.
Ohhhh well, too bad
But, because she finally agreed to go to rehab
Oye Vay...why do you think she finally agreed?
Because...
she wanted to clean up her act?
She knew what she was doing was not right?
NO, because she thought it would keep her out of jail,
knowing she was going to have to face the parole board....
Not to mention, to quiet you down for a spell....
and, to continue to manipulate your mother
And, while she waited for the end of Aug./Sept.
thinking she wouldn't be sent back, like the last time
she could keep getting high and would deal
with the rehab bridge when she got there.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT
unforgiven2 wrote:
My mother was in tears because she told me that my sister was looking foward to rehab and said that she was excited and scarred but going to clean up her act and what she was doing was not right.
Give me a f-cking break
unforgiven2 wrote:
she messed up so for me not to be mad at the parole and that she has to stop making excuses.
Why on earth, would you be mad at the parole board?
Thank goodness her crap doesn't work with everyone!
unforgiven2 wrote:
I was really hopeful that she would get rehab
WHY?? Rehab IS NOT A CURE. It IS NOT a fix all.
If rehab is not a choice, made freely...then, it is either...
a solution intended to get someone off your back,
or a temporary setback that needs to be dealt with so it is done with.
Either case, it's only a means to an end.
A solution that is intended to keep using, not stop using.
Can I ask you something?
How many times have you ever
skipped the lectures,
canned the demands
and shelve the shouting matches...
in favor of, invoking the power of G0D
by reading the Word of G0D outloud,
til you couldn't read anymore....
spending hours asserting authority over satan,
rebuking him from Annette, in the name of Christ?
Following her wherever she goes,
and continuing on, if she were to leave.
satan is succeeding every time your mission,
to get Annette clean results in...
yelling, anger, hopelessness, name calling, swearing, etc...
satan wants to separate you further and further from G0D.
he wants you to get frustrated with G0D,
he wants you to lose faith in G0D,
he wants you to stop praying to G0D,
he wants you to start blaming G0D,
he wants you to stop seeking G0D,
he wants you to start doubting the existence of G0D,
he wants you to start rebelling against G0D,
he wants to destroy your relationship with G0D.
STOP trying to change her
and start changing how yous deal with her.
Peace & Love
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
good morning, thanks for the replies my freinds and being that today my thoughts are to write you both a reply I have put it together in one posting.
Jenni
Quote:
Perhaps when she finally does get to rehab it will be more meaningful.
Lynn
I know we can't change Annette but it does spark up hope because she never says positive things like she is going to quit maybe cut back but it feels so very good to here those words. It is her choice and only her actions will make her choose the life she wants to live.
Jenni,
That is right we always worry that her very own life will be ended too short, or that even worse legal actions such as three strikes your out law could occur. Worse things could have happened. i will pray for your boyfreind because it is horrible to have your freedom taken away not only to correctional facilities but the losing the freedom of a secure life without crutches and drugs. At first people use and it is fun they like it then it becomes harser as they find how hard it is to stop but with Godd all things are possible and there is so much contreversy over if addiction is an illness or if it is a choice to quit. I see it as the drugs impact can cause illnesses on the brain and functioning I see it happening to my sister. I thought to myself since I still smoke ciggarettes what would happen if it became against the law would I still try to find ciggarettes illigally now that I have an addiction. I cannot say for certain. After the addict uses one time that is where the trouble starts. she does need to continue to think about where her use leads her as she knows the reprecussions and maybe rehab after her release could be an option because I know I can't change her but our family can no longer watch her killing herself and manipulating us for one it is like going up against fire that can spread rapidely.
Have I told the devil to flee yes, have I felt Lord leading me yes. Have I been reading his word I should be more so but yes, does Godd give me stregnth yes, Because without I fear I would be worse off then I am. He gave me freinds here that I can talk to, a nice church that has a free rehab where they teach the addict about Jesus not whoever you think and I couldn't get Annette in there because it is not parole approved but after her boyfriend guess what the miricle of Godd was he is going there after he gets out of jail. Godd is Jesus and that message I recieved I will share what he gave me to all.
Ecclesiates 8:9-15 read it when you get a chance
Thank you both for all of your beautiful words I take them in like water in a dry place. I will not be unfair anymore and just vanish from this site. I will let you know now I may not be on for a few days so I can catch up with my class work as I haven't had it in me to do much.
I left the website to that church I attended here I don't know if it is a direct link or not but if anyone feels like listening to the word of Godd please check it out it brought me tears. They have the program for drug addictions that they offer free for two year stay. It is a blessing to know that Godd always provides a way out of temptation. I can say I hadn't seen a crack pipe in so long until my sister was living with me. The urge still makes me sin but through Lord's mercy he made a way out for me and I know when people listen to him they too can be set free.
Annette was going to be set tonother secular treatment through parole and what they accept through thier state programs and yes, it isn't a cure all but now I know this place where they teach Godd is available it brings joy.
Lynn you are right I need to give all my burden to Godd and although I can't change Annette I can't live with her either anymore and the things she does my door will always be open to help her get her live back on track but I can't live with her when I am just enabeling her to be able to not face accountability and when she can continue to use she needs to see how it is unfair for us to have to suffer with her by her lack of commitment to obtain sobriety.
I am editing this for the eighth or close enough time. I hit the back space buttom and all my work in my typed message has been going away so cut copied and pasted but funny thing I put the same things over and over. I need a vacation from the computer but that will never happpen. Lol sometimes...
I couldn't find any Ecclesiates but,
I did read Ecclesiastes 8:9-15.
How do you see those scriptures in relation to your situation?
Sorry, I wasn't able to pick up on that.
unforgiven2 wrote:
Lynn you are right I need to give all my burden to Godd and although I can't change Annette I can't live with her either anymore and the things she does my door will always be open to help her get her live back on track but I can't live with her when I am just enabeling her to be able to not face accountability and when she can continue to use she needs to see how it is unfair for us to have to suffer with her by her lack of commitment to obtain sobriety.
Exactly, that's what I meant by....
keepitreal wrote:
STOP trying to change her
and start changing how yous deal with her.
Peace, Love, Prayers & Big Hugs,
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
I understood all of those things. I used my mind to study everything that's done on earth. A man sometimes makes life hard for others. But he ends up hurting himself.
When I read this the focus is on people who make life hard on others by thier own doings (such as in my sister's case she ends up hurting herself.
8:11
Sometimes the sentence for a crime isn't carried out quickly. So people make plans to commit even more crimes.
As in this verse I felt upset that she keeps going back to prison when the fact is she continues to commit crimes. Crack is Illegal . It is a crime and by law there are consequenses.
8:12
An evil man may be guilty of hundred crimes and still live a long time. But things will go better with men who have great respect for Lord.
I understand this verse as saying that a person who respects Lord thst the things in his/ her life will be better then those who do not follow his ways.
8:14
Here is something else that doesn't have any meaning. Some times godly men get what sinful people should recieve. ANd sinful men get what godly people should recieve. Here is what I am telling you.
In that verse I have always wondered why her dope dealers continut to live prosperously and never have to pay for the evil they are doing as none of them have ever been caught. They don't have to get thier hands dirty from working or break thier backs to earn a living they live life very easily and without lacking in day to day needs. Why are they not paying for it? Now I know that I shouldn't worry about it. There will be judgement day for everyone. Freedom is not something we need worry about temporarily but from this life to the next the thief on the cross was forgiven just in time. Without repentace and the acceptance of Christ there is choices that might not have immediate consequences but eternally will be devastating.
verse 15
So I advise everyone to enjoy life. A man on earth can't do anything better then eat and drink (not alchohol) and be glad. Then he will enjoy his work. He will be happy all the days of the life Lord has given him on earth.
With this being said I believe this daily pain should not be here as I should be happy for all the days of life he has given me on earth. I will pray for Annette and from my visit with her tonight she is angry and suffering and bitter. I don't want to worry but continue to rely on prayer as a means of stregnth.
I forgot to leave the website to the church. they have audio messages and video message on the word of Godd. The church deals with a lot of drug addiction and talk alot about that is thier preachings. If there is anyone who wants to hear more on the word of GODD I reccomend this site.
Just click on the picture of the preachers and it will take you to thier messages.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
[Chorus]
I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
My Sister
If I could tell you of pain I know this is true pain is something my sister has faced.
If I could tell you of hurt could you see it deep in my eyes. All the signs of change so close and within
reach and what can I teach her?
SHe has taught me how to drive, I can teach her how to strive for the right light.
She has gotten on my case to go to school and not be a fool, I can only hope she will use those tools to fight
off the life she is taken away from herself, She is kind, loving and smart but something out of this world keeps
tearing her apart. When she is sober She shows love with a heart of gold with the thoughtful things she does and I love her so very much.
Above the confussion of what can I do for her? What has she done for me? She came right in time to save my life when I almost died and if it weren't for her coming home that day the ground would have burried me alive. Lord had a plan and now I must take on the battle.
I must do the same and continue to put my faith In Lord that he will make a way. I will get down on my knees and pray and wait for his perfect way.
Well I guess putting my thoughts into words helps me and daily I been feeling much better thanks for all the support. Lynn I believe what you told me to let go was something that has impacted me in a very benifitial way how little do you know.
Hey Steve-
You are such a great brother. I hope your sister knows just how lucky she is.
Lynn, your words to Steve had an impact on me as well.
Instead of trying to change Mark I need to change the way we are dealing with him, cause as you've also said if we are not doing something to fix the problem then we are part of the problem.
So often I find that words meant for someone else are just the words that I need to hear.
Everyone should remember that the support and love and advice that we all take the time to share and write here DO help, DO make a difference, and DO change lives.
Thank you, you are kind and you make me smile. I have been thinking about Mark and hope he is doing good he too is very lucky to have Lucy for a mother. Many parents turn thier backs completely and have nothing whatsoever to do with thier children who have fallen into addictions and so I want to tell you that your heart is big and your love is strong even if it is firm and has consequences the disipline and rules are there to show him you only want the best for him and that you love him.
Lucy my family is hanging in there Grandmother fell the other night she is in pain and will be 80 in November! She isn't going to be around much longer that is what she keeps telling us. I can't argue with her anymore cause now what she says reflects the truth on her health and age. Ten years ago I use to argue that she was going to live to be a hundred her eyes just got all big and she would say I hope not. My dear grandmother we had a talk about Annette and she said she didn't care how mad Annette was or how scared she made her she will not give her money. My aunt also will not put up with Annette behaving that way and reaffirms that she can't live there when she gets out. My grandmother also wised up alot to the tricks I need money for ciggarette and a candy bar = $10 and once she had that all she had to figure out is where to get ten more dollars. Yes, that was how bad it was from the moment she woke up in the morning her thoughts most days were how to obtain money.
THe only one I feel needs to get ready and learn how to not give in to Annette's addic
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