COKE...what a confusing drug it is to me. i took my first line over a month ago due to the peer pressure of my so-called friends. now i hate to say but i have an addiction. coke has ruined my life. i find myself dazed, confused, and depressed. i crave for it just to get rid of the depression. i cant be around anyone unless im high off of it. i wont sleep. i wont eat. i wont leave the house. i dont know what it has done to me but it has RUINED me! i hate my life. i find myself crying all the time. i feel like im not even myself anymore. my head is always cloudy. i feel paranoid. i feel anti-social. the comedowns are the most horrible ones i have ever had! i wont feel any better until i take a line. x pills wont even do anything for me anymore. only coke will help. Sometimes i smoke weed to make me fall asleep, but ill still wake up feeling so out of place...just crying and sobbing in misery. i dont know what to do. i try to talk to people but they just yell at me. no one around me understands. im so scared cuz my boyfriend of 4 yrs who accuses me of being a drug addict even tried coke last weekend, and i dont want him to end up like me. my life is spinning out of control. my friends are all falling into the same situation im in. its becoming an epidemic in my life. i want to stop but this feeling doesnt want to go away...how do i make it go away? how do i help myself? i know im going to end up continuing to use coke...but deep inside i want to STOP this madness. i dont go to work anymore...and almost all my money goes to drugs. i always anticipate to go out just so i can see my friends but since coke i feel like i cant be around anyone sober. i HAVE to be high...all because of coke...
Crying or Very sad
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
i felt the same way. my social skills just disappeared and i wouldn't talk to ANYONE unless i was geeked up and never wanted to leave my house. Just stop the drug. It's doing nothing for you I can see. It just takes time. I haven't done it in other a month and I feel much better. I don't feel completely better, i still feel down and think about it but isn't that better than burning your brain and distancing yourself from reality?
well i hope things work out for the best.
<3gina
Hey I just posted some suggestions to Gina on "this is the lowest I've ever fest" thread. They might be of help to you too.
I know this is hard.
I agree with Gene however. Read and learn... You have to arm yourself and find the path that leads you out of he|l!
i been sober for the last 3 days. i havent had really had any bad episodes today. i feel better. my mind still cloudy, but a lil clearer. i thank u all for ur advice, help, and support. i didnt know who to run to. i tried everyone, but no one understands. i guess it takes someone to actually experience for them to really understand. i never knew i had a problem until it was too late; when i tried to quit. my body wont let me sometimes...or i sober up and forget what horrible episode i just went thru and go back and do it again. im scared. friday is coming up...and im scared to do it again. i went out today to frisco which is bout 30 miles from the city i live in. i felt so brand new and refreshed like i always do when i return to the big city after recovering and sobering up. luckily i have work tomorow so that prevented me from gettin high with evryone else. it feels so go to feel excitement again! to want to be around people it feels so good! so why am i doing a drug that makes me wanna just be alone unless im on it? i ask myself all the time. i still have a gram of coke wit me, right there in the drawer. im scared. im scared to use it. but i know i might end up doing it. friday is gettin closer. time for party central. ill get high off of thizzles (ecstacy) and smoke some trees (weed) and ill forget about the evil drug's effects and crush it up and make lines for me and all my friends to use. ill snort me a line...then another 30 min. later...then another 25 min later...and so on...until i start crying cuz i feel so sad, or lonely, or cuz i cant sleep. then ill go thru it all again...and im scared...but im just telling the truth...i cannot lie...im an honest girl...im only 21...and i have an addiction that im fighting still. i hope my will power helps me thru my journey...because ill always be scared...
I am of the opinion that when you stop one addiction (coke) you need to stop using all mind altering drug use. As you stated above the other chemicals appear to relax your thinking enough to go back to the coke.
I found that a drink would lead my mind to wander to the cocaine. I no longer drink.
Just a suggestion...
i still have a gram of coke wit me, right there in the drawer.
my advise, throw it away,(flushing it down the drain is the best) don't worry, you can buy another one on friday when you need it. i've done it numerous times. i've given away a few grams at a time just to be rid of it, because i knew i could get more when i needed it. what i also gained by giving it away, was the knowledge that the drug wasn't that sacred, that if i gave it away, something bad was going to happen to me. it helped to begin a change in my pattern of thinking. i started becoming stronger than the drug. now i've stopped.
so go ahead and flush it. you'll feel incredably better knowing you did it this first time.
bill
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
every now and then in my mind i say to myself "my high is gone, but i dont wana be sober". does this mean that i stay away frum my friends? they all use substances whether it be crystal, powder, treez, thizz, rockz, etc ?? i mean, my problem is that im trying to help them fight their addictions and at the same time fight my own. but we all feed off eachother. we all get eachother high. but im the only one who likes to be open bout my drug problems. i know they know what im talking about, they just are too scared to admit it or even quit. id hate to see the ones i love fall into it bad. but am i setting bad examples? being a hypocrite? insensitive? for trying to bring it to light? im still so lost. tears fall from my face cuz i dont know what to do. i want to get high (not off of powder) off of thizz 2marrow nite and i am most certain that i will. i cant stop. should i just take it one step at a time? focus on the coke then the my friends and my other drug uses? i feel like i moving forward, then i take 4 rights, then i end up where i started. my older brother is a crystal addict and so is my best friend. looking at them makes me never want 2 smoke sh*t cuz i see that it has severely ruined their lives. and its so sad that i think that the only thing that will make me stop drugs is if i end up pregnant or get arrested. like i need a reality check...or be hurt to the max. what should be my next step? help myself? or those i love....
what should be my next step? help myself? or those i love....
Both. Helping your self will set an example for people around you.
Ecstasy, I hope you understand that Ecstasy made in the underground labs. You don't know what have been put in the tablet. Did you hear anything about quality control of underground lab? I didn't.
A lot of people do not drink plain tap water, why do you want put something dangerous in your body?
Marijuana, let the people who study this decide how addictive or harmful it can be; however, the fact is people who don't smoke marijuana more mentally sharp and in general more intelligent, have better memory, have less chance of developing drug addiction, have less chance of developing mental disorders.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
I agree, going for sobriety means abstaining from all mind altering drugs, your mind truly does not need these substances to get through a day in a positive way. Begin building relationships with people that do not use and are not dependent on that chemical high to function. Feeling excitement about not cutting yourself off socially is a good thing, one that can keep you headed in a heathy direction. I have watched my loved one experience and reopening himself up to friends and family and I feel this his been a very positive incentive in his struggle towards sobriety. Know that the determination you set forward each day to stay clean and in touch with those that support and encourage your efforts towards recovery are very positive steps in the right direction .... Do it for YOU !!!
Here wishing you the best...
Strength and Peace....
Michelle
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
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