reminiscance of crack use

Nomorehard · Newbie

lately i have been having "those feelings again", INTENSE cravings for a hit of crack, and once I get thinking about it, it's almost like I get a half-assed crack-buzz going on in my mind..just enough to get you fiending for a hit..and once that hit is in your body, well, we all know we just want another, and another.

thats the *censored F--> up thing about crack, just thinking about it is a good enough high in itself to get you wanting a hit so bad that you'll break down and get some *censored sh_t.

thankfully i have been doing great and sticking to my guns, im not gonna lie though, this is the hardest thing to go through i've ever done in my life. sometimes when i get money these days, it takes every ounce of willpower in my body to do the right thing, and it's been a little over 6 months since i last hit the pipe, i hope it isn't this bad for the rest of my life.

but if it is, i'll just have to deal with it, i figure, i made my bed, by *censored f-->ing up and getting addicted to it in the first place, i'll deal with the intense cravings.

in my opinion, dealing with the pain of cravings is a lot easier if i just stop and REALLY REALLY think hard about the "after-feeling" of crack use. sometimes, in the midst of really wanting a hit, it's hard to do that, but if you focus, and think about the BAD things crack does to everything surrounding you, it's much easier to cope with the cravings.

i find myself getting cravings when reading this site, just because it's talked about in such detail..but i enjoy the site because so many helpful people.

Also I have a question, am i the only former-user that has what i consider odd thoughts about crack? for instance, i find myself thinking thoughts such as, "when i was smoking crack, why didnt I just buy an ounce and smoke for like 2 days straight, then never use again, instead of using for months."
of course this is just the crack trying to justify itself to me to use again in big quantity, and that my cravings would be gone after i "let it all out" and party with an ounce or whatever.

this is completely just addict thoughts i know, im just curious if im the only one having strange thoughts like that.

sorry for the long post, keep up the good fight people!

-19 y/o male no longer hooked in Indiana

freedomisprecious · Forum Veteran

If you are capable of thinking up the thought of taking a hit, you are also very well if not more capable of thinking of something else besides taking a hit.

Think of taking a hit for 5 minutes and I am going to be one zoned out mind.

Think of taking a hike in the woods or a walk on the beach or what am I going to eat for dinner, or what color would I like to paint the walls, or about a family member...I mean the list goes on and on....and I am either smiling, laughing, or at peace for a second.

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i hope it isn't this bad for the rest of my life.

it is what you make of it. if you choose to dwell on using more often than not, either you will be completely miserable facing these thoughts or you will go out and act on them sooner or later.

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but if it is, i'll just have to deal with it, i figure, i made my bed, by *censored f-->ing up and getting addicted to it in the first place, i'll deal with the intense cravings.

yea, "you made your bed, now lay in it", but you do not have to go to sleep in it. Do not be so hard on yourself, if you settle for thinking of using, eventually you may find yourself settling for acting. Do not give into your own thoughts, for they are what can and will take you right back where you were. Instead fight for better ones, refuse the bad ones, and use your mind for your benifit not your fall.

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in my opinion, dealing with the pain of cravings is a lot easier if i just stop and REALLY REALLY think hard about the "after-feeling" of crack use. sometimes, in the midst of really wanting a hit, it's hard to do that, but if you focus, and think about the BAD things crack does to everything surrounding you, it's much easier to cope with the cravings.

you've got that right. at least at this point we can still appreciate ourselves for not resulting to the thoughts of using.

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Also I have a question, am i the only former-user that has what i consider odd thoughts about crack? for instance, i find myself thinking thoughts such as, "when i was smoking crack, why didnt I just buy an ounce and smoke for like 2 days straight, then never use again, instead of using for months."
of course this is just the crack trying to justify itself to me to use again in big quantity, and that my cravings would be gone after i "let it all out" and party with an ounce or whatever

Definately not the only one. If you are a crack user, and you are experiencing mindful difficulties, I can almost guarantee you that you are by far not alone.
This is how it goes for me:

First year- I had thoughts like stated above, and beyond to insanity...results were slightly hard to cope with, sometimes harsh... and mostly effected my day drastically.

Second year- thoughts were far and few between, still strong although I was putting to good use the resources I had learned through rehab to get over these thoughts.

Now- a thought may run through my mind, and backflashes of the past effect me, but all in all...I shrug it off. I laugh and smile lightly to myself, and remember who I am today..and how I got here-by not giving in to all the thoughts that ever or will consume my mind as a result of my addiction. And are thankful for every being that I am...including the tests and challeges of being an addict.