Ive tried to slow down the last couple weeks, and going to NA, but everytime I go to NA all the talk of drugs triggers me and i want it so bad. I go home and do everything heavier having been craving it all day. Yesterday, i was doing duster, crack, cocaine, and then i smoked pot to try to come down. Im going crazy. The NA seems to make me feel worse, and i just cant sit back and watch myself fall apart. It seems as soon as I start to get high, i try to die when im doing it, like thats the goal of it all or something. I dont have suicidal feelings unless im high and i only get them then. It seems im having a whole mess of problems. Any advice?
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
It seems as soon as I start to get high, i try to die when im doing it, like thats the goal of it all or something.
well, only you know the answer to that. being only a loved one, i was under the impression that the basic goal of getting 'high' was to feel exactly that; way better, not way worse!!
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Yesterday, i was doing duster, crack, cocaine, and then i smoked pot to try to come down.
i would think that may be a lethal mixture in and of itself; so if killing yourself is the goal, you seem to be right on track.
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It seems im having a whole mess of problems.
you think? do you even have to ask that question?
the only way you can save your life is by stopping; if you continue down this road, killing yourself is what you're doing one hit at a time.
it's time you start to value just how precious your life really is. take care of yourself and get some professional help.
Have you been telling the psychiatrist what you have been doing? Honestly? You have to stop doing the drugs. Get thee to a professional and tell them everything.
I have told my phsychiatrist, and im not quite sure what she wants me to do, but the good news is ive been completely sober today
More important here: What you want to do.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
Aiden-
Good work on staying sober yesterday!!
How's it going today? I hope that you will try to go for day 2 of sobriety.
What is duster? Never heard of this and am just curious.
If NA makes you crave then DON'T go. Help is where you find it and obviously NA is not where help is for you. Find other ways for support, such as this site, family or friends. Don't think you are a failure if NA doesn't work for you and causes you to use, learn from that, don't go.
Its good you are seeing a psychiatrist if you are receiving help from her. Are you seeing her because of your addiction issues? Does talking to her help you?
And Gene is right, the important thing is what YOU want. Do YOU want to stop using, are you ready to move on in your life without drugs? What can YOU do to help yourself?
I can't stress it enough, help is where you find it, keep looking. Don't repeat mistakes or things that don't help you.
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