I have been into the partying scene ever since I moved from California. I am now living in Washington, and have noticed this is a huge difference. The friends I have made in High School have taught me more about drugs - which I regret. So, life with them and drugs like alcohol, weed, cocaine, prescription meds, I am so confused. I always liked drinking because it made me feel more confident, more relaxed. I didn't see any harm with using it, although I was underage. I started smoking weed alot when drinking, which led to smoking when not drinking. But then for some reason I realized I can quit. So I haven't smoked out for about a couple months. Knowing I can always get a nice bag helps me through life. You know - when you just want to do it, you can. So, in my senior year of high school, I was at a party drinking, and someone brang coke. I always thought that was the worst drug and didn't want to do it at first. Until finally I said YES. I did a line, and felt awesome. That was nowhere near what I heard people bitching about their bad stories when on it. Anyways, I felt more awake, but it did mess up my buzz, so I had to drink more. "Oh well, this is better anyway," I thought. So the next morning I was craving another line, but didn't have any. The people I called all said they didn't want to see me get addicted and told me they wouldn't sell any to me. Which now I realize, they were looking out for me. Days went on and I kept thinking about it, how nice it felt. I wanted more. I started getting into Tylenol with codein, and was now abusing that. I know I had a prescription, but I was taking more doses than needed. When I was out of that I was introduced to Oxycontin. This is the best drug ever. I bought 10 80mg pills and used them every now and then - well, every other day. And this was my new drug of choice - and still is. I can control my cocaine cravings, but I can't control my oxycontin cravings. I'm constantly looking online to buy this med. and it's driving me crazy that I can't seem to find it. I must be really addicted to have these compulsions. I am now 21 years old....yeah, I can now buy all the alcohol I want. But I don't want alcohol anymore, it makes my stomache hurt. Pills work better and have no negative effect...well, at the moment. I have no pain killers now, I used them all. I have some coke left, I just did some lines 3 days ago. I'm starting to see that it is bad for me. I'm scared of it, but I still use it...why? I don't understand this. I know the effects and how disgusting it is, eating away your nose. This scares the shiit out of me. And now i'm here typing remembering how it felt just 3 nights ago, it was great. Now, i'm miserable. My nose is dripping, and clogged. I can't even breathe out of it. I already have sinus allergies, and it's killing me. My ears are plugged, my eyes are watery, my throat is sore...I have a head cold. I'm so tired, but I've slept the days away. I feel sick, and I want to stop. I just don't know how. But I still crave my oxycontin...if I had some, I could get rid of my headache caused from coke.
I found cocaine makes you make excuses, you know you dont want or need it but you make an excuse, like its friday, my mates r doing it, why not.....i never take prescription pills so cant help u there, you know its bad so just say fkit. You got weed under control which i admire, im such a stoner by the time it gets to 5/6 oclcok i need a spliff or i go fkin nuts.
Stay away form dirnk too as it kills your willpower, you could say ur not doing any coke then after a few dirnks its like fkit why not!?
Im disgusted at the rest of this site that im the only one who rpelyd to this lad. real helpfull you lot.
Dear chronic,Sometimes it takes awhile for people to reply.I just cant wait to see what lynn has to say to your statement about our real helpful site.
Hugs Diane
He posted this in may so id say on the whole he wasnt exactly "helped" unless sumone PM'd him or somehting i guess?
Is there a question in his/her post? None will try to make you quit here, unless you have your direct family members present here. However, after the reading, you should make the right choice. Do you need help to make one?
Most of all I think both of you did not even read the pm you received when sign up for this site.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
You know the newcomer is the most important. If there was less people criisizing us maybe we wouldn't relaspe. I want halp and I am not sure I want it from here. All I read is poor me and my realationship su%ks. wHATEVERER. I just want to make friends who are suffering like me. Weather I have to read between the lines or whatever.
I've heard it a million times in meetings, but dont think it applies here. Importance here (to me) is based around those who are willing, which the newcomer here is hardly ever willing. If and when they are, or was...it shows because they are still floating around here today making some sort of progress, and helping others to see the same in them, and of themselves. When someone stays, figures out how to make one day into other days clean, begins to grow within themselves, makes necessary changes to become who they wish to be, shares with others, gives advice, accepts tough love, and so many other ways all of us here are important to this site, is when someone, anyone becomes "most important".
Here, I have reached out to newcomers in so many different ways...harsh, simple, concerned, loving, cruel, to the point, bluntly, or with unessary length...etc..
Reality IS, you hardly ever see them stick around. Not that it's not worth it, and just because one does, or does not...does not mean the next one will or will not see through. If it does not help someone reading, or the person originally posting, it helps me to stay involved here, and together with my own thoughts and that alone I could not be more thankful for. I have been on this site for three years, spent hours in the chat rooms, and night after night on the forum. I met so many here, who had so many great ideas, dreams, hopes...and never put their feet forward to walk towards them. At the same time I have been critisized for my suggestions, questioned of faith, and many things I did not like, or agree with...and here I am still picking one foot up, and putting it in front of the other. And not allowing someone elses *censored sh_t, become my lame excuse for a relapse. Any excuse other than "I wanted to get high" is lame. You get high because you want to continue to get high..point blank. You relapse for the same reason, because you want to get high...again. Thats the cycle. Its a matter of stopping it, and learning how to keep it that way.
Believe me when I say do it enough,(pick your feet up) you get better at it. You will realize that YOU CAN, and what else do you need to continue?
Wanna know reality? The majority (i think, admin correct me if I am wrong) of people here who are dedicated to this site, are non addicts, recovering or attempting to find ways to do so, with and from loved ones in their lives who are addicts.
I try to send some message out at times to threads that are one-timers, realizing at least it's there, for the next person who checks out the thread who has yet to post here, or never intends too, and just reads from this site instead of sharing their own story. Hoping one day down the road they think of something I said, and even more so put it to use. And even greater come back and share it with us here. Truth is, I will never know if they do if they do not stay around and make progress within their own. I can only hope that it occurs, when in reality it probably happens alot less than I wish for it too. Just like you can only hope that critisism is not given here, when in reality it is going to be.
To come here desiring change, you must be open to recieve it. Change is made on your terms, but sometimes as humans we need the critisism to see differences we would have never thought of on our own. You have to admit, you cannot do this alone. Why would anyone come here, if we did not need each other to see new light in certain situations?? Even if most of the time we disagree, the fact our minds are rolling is reason enough to bite the bullet.
Like seriously, why would you want friends that are suffering like you? Dont you want to find a way out of suffering and pain? What good are suffering friends, when you are suffering yourself? Think about it. Ever been to NA, AA?? Ever had a sponsor? Stick with the winners?? Well, in my experiences with it, I was told to stay away from the newbies, until my strength was built stable enough to handle their non sense, the same non sense I came in with. Until I was capable of helping a suffering addict, I did not need to add to their suffering by loading them with my own. We as active addicts tend to want what we are, to be our surroundings. (there goes that cycle again) We as non active addicts, who have found a way to get clean through all this, tend to desire something, anything different than what we have been to be our surroundings. (we do something different for once,take a chance out of our ordinary, and want nothing more than to continue on what we have found and amazingly enough we are williing to find ways to acomplish such)
All of us suffer from time to time, and you are more than welcome to express that here. (Obviously any of us are more than welcome to express any of our emotions here,within guidelines of the site) I think most of us here, especially since being here, have found that more of our time is spent enjoying, or learning to enjoy life for what it is, without the suffering we have caused in the past, brought on upon ourselves, or that has been given to us by others. If all you are reading is poor me, and my relationship sucks then maybe you should look closer at some of these threads because there is a history of acomplishment, strength, passion, concern, pain, suffering, and making our way through it all, together, hidden deep within them. Im talking the hundreds of pages of them. Then let me know if reading between the lines is worth its time.
_________________ ~what happens to a person is less significant than what happens within them~
All I read is poor me and my realationship su%ks. wHATEVERER.
So what exactly is it YOU are trying to say? What I read between the lines from your post is:
I AM AN ADDICT (poor me) I AM SUFFERING (poor me) and I WANT TO MEET AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS (poor them) WHO ARE SUFFERING LIKE ME (poor me, again!)
Quote:
I want halp and I am not sure I want it from here.
That is entirely your choice to make -- just as it is entirely your choice to continue using and to continue suffering!
Welcome to the site, anyways. Maybe if you do choose to stick around and read the posts; maybe read between the lines; you will be able to find some understanding; some advice; and maybe even some help for yourself!
I have been coming to this site for several months now; and unlike yourself; I don't find it to be the place where people come for a pity party; or looking for others to join them in wallowing in sorrow or pain. Hope to see you here again. Stick around, you might actually like it!
If there was less people criisizing us maybe we wouldn't relaspe.
whom are you referring to? according to your info; you just joined here two days ago; posted only once and feel that you are being criticized? by whom? certainly not by anyone on this site!
oh, sorry -- poor me once again. can't take the heat of someone telling you how it is, right?
peace and strength to you in your continued struggle.
tricia>another24 wrote:
All I read is poor me and my realationship su%ks. wHATEVERER.
Quote:
hopeseternal wrote:
So what exactly is it YOU are trying to say? What I read between the lines from your post is:
I AM AN ADDICT (poor me) I AM SUFFERING (poor me) and I WANT TO MEET AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS (poor them) WHO ARE SUFFERING LIKE ME (poor me, again!)
~~~~~DIDDO~~~~~
If you were to admit yourself into treatment, do you have any idea what form of help they would advice you with??
More so than anything else, when I was in treatment I recieved corrective, constructive critisism. I had to learn NEW ways to live, OUTSIDE of my own mind. I had to see things DIFFERENTLY than I had when/before/while walking into those doors for the first time. I needed someone to point out my faults, and assist me in what I could do to realize when I was at fault and how to go about making the better out of them. I needed someone to direct my thinking, or teach me how to direct it myself in a direction that would benifit me rather than destroy me. I had destructed myself for long enough, and was sick and tired of repeating the same days over and over again, and tired of digging deeper into the mud...so fed up that I was WILLING to take whatever I could get, try whatever was suggested from a trusted source, and listen to those who had been there, done that... or at least were extremely educated about being there, and doing that. IF one thing did not work for me, I would figure out a way, differently than what would be NORMAL for myself to figure, and try that...over and over, until I came up with some sucess of living with my addiction, its past, its potential future, and anything in between. This is a learning process, and if you decide of not listening, or taking advice, or accepting critisism, how can you learn or ever change?
Your thinking got you where you are, do you trust it enough to get you out? It is ok to FEEL how you do, It is normal to think how you are thinking at this point...but to accept that these things MUST change in order to change something within yourself, would be where you find yourself one step ahead. And maybe tomorrow you step back, but continue to accept the changes, the advice, the normalities, and go above and beyond them and find the following day you are taking two steps forward.
TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK. We are not perfect and never will be...but I find importance in my life today, because I decided to let go of what I was, and become who I am.
_________________ ~what happens to a person is less significant than what happens within them~
TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK. We are not perfect and never will be...but I find importance in my life today, because I decided to let go of what I was, and become who I am.
Awesome as always, freedom! Couldn't be said in a better way!
Reading this thread up to this point and old saying comes to mind, which I am sure that you have heard on occassion, which is ....
"Misery Loves Company" .... If one is looking to compare what they feel has made there life so miserable and nothing more, then I do agree that this site most likely had little to offer, but for those willing to put forth a concerted effort for the good of themselves there is a unending amount of support and information on this site for their consideration ...
Tricia<another24 Wrote:
Quote:
You know the newcomer is the most important. If there was less people criisizing us maybe we wouldn't relaspe. I want halp and I am not sure I want it from here. All I read is poor me and my realationship su%ks. wHATEVERER. I just want to make friends who are suffering like me. Weather I have to read between the lines or whatever.
Victory comes from choosing ....not to suffer any longer, but to begin a commitment with ones self to make better, or improve their personal situation, realizing that we alone are responsible for the path that we choose and the direction that we take.
Chronic:
Depending on the traffic on this site on any given day, it is possible that a new member may have posted, but by the days end there was enough activety on the site that a post may have been pushed down on the list not making as visable to many of the members checking the forums at a later time. Hard to say why there was no response. I ask that you not allow yourself to be discouraged, allowing your discouragemnet to lead to thinking that anyone of us here viewed a post as unimportant.
The majority of people that post and interact here on a regular basis are those that are here to grow in a more positive direction within themselves in some form or another. Whether it be that they themselves are suffering from addiction, or they are seeking solutions to better help them deal with addiction issues of a family member, or a loved on in addiction.
It has been my observation that those that benefit the most from this site are those that come here with a goal in mind of bettering their situation, whatever that may be, deciding to set personally goals and work towards those goals. Because there is such a wide variance of circumstances, there is not a one size fits all approach, nor is there a guarantee that frequenting this site is going to find you miraculouisly suited with all the armor you had come here hoping to find. Serious thought, concerted effort and commitment and dedication to ones self is the key to using this site as a tool in helping one find a more positive direction. The information is here available for anyone that truly wants to apply what they feel may work in their situation, applying those ideas and perspectives to their own situation with the hope of finding themselves in a better frame of mind allowing them the strength and determination to follow through with what is truthfully and most certainly in their own best interest.
It is not so much what the members here can do you for you, but what you can learn to do for yourself ... because you realize that without change it is easier to sit and reflect how miserble life can be then it is to change.
It is my hope that anyone that is truly looking to improve their situation embrace the knowledge as well as the compassion of those that have been there and are willing to share their experiences. Those that felt just as helpless at one point or another, but have learned along the way that the true power lies within themselves to create change.
I have recently quit coke... 8 days now and getting stronger everyday. My bf however is a whole different ball game. I told him to give up for me and he said he cant promise that he wont ever do another line again. He also said he wouldnt be willing to change his friendship circle for me. Things have been slightly better, but I have a feeling he has lied to me about doing it already. I went out Fri night, he went to a house party - which is code in his friendship circle for mix, mash, coke, weed, mdma session. next day hes sat up in bed as I tell him bout how i turned down coke 3 times last night... he doesnt even turn to face me and says "i didnt do any coke babe, did some mdma tho".... my guess is he was using it as a cover up. I knew he was tellin the truth bout mdma but prob thought if he told me bout that then its ok to lie about the coke....anyway... left it cos i couldnt prove otherwise really.
One thing I am worried about tho is that when he drinks, he wants coke. When i "approved" of coke and did it myself, hed come home 3 times a week after bein in the pub and say "babe, lets get some cheeky".... or... he'd already have it and wave it in my face and say " look what I got babe, bought us a present"..hmm yeh... us... sure.... like theres even gonna BE an us in a few hours cos ur gonna turn into monster, no conversationless, runny nosed, flacid, can't be arsed, I WANT MORE COKE Craig...
I dont really know how I can help him.... would I be too harsh to say... if this doesnt stop in ther next month, im leaving cos I dont want any association with it anymore ??
Ideas on how to deal with him would be most welcome... thank you x
_________________ The ONLY girlie on the decks and M-I-C!!!!
I dont really know how I can help him.... would I be too harsh to say... if this doesnt stop in ther next month, im leaving cos I dont want any association with it anymore ??
ROFLMFAO....Gee, There's a no brainer
You can't even help your own self.
Wake up from your own denial darling!
Peace
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
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Maybe if you do choose to stick around and read the posts; maybe read between the lines; you will be able to find some understanding; some advice; and maybe even some help for yourself!
My bf however is a whole different ball game. I told him to give up for me and he said he cant promise that he wont ever do another line again. He also said he wouldnt be willing to change his friendship circle for me. Things have been slightly better, but I have a feeling he has lied to me about doing it already. I went out Fri night, he went to a house party - which is code in his friendship circle for mix, mash, coke, weed, mdma session. next day hes sat up in bed as I tell him bout how i turned down coke 3 times last night... he doesnt even turn to face me and says "i didnt do any coke babe, did some mdma tho".... my guess is he was using it as a cover up. I knew he was tellin the truth bout mdma but prob thought if he told me bout that then its ok to lie about the coke....anyway... left it cos i couldnt prove otherwise really.
