Post subject: Five years down the drain~Seven months addicted again!
Hi all~
Just needed someplace to be to talk about this evil addiction, I was clean for five years, and on October 14, 2006 it all ended, I dont even remember why I bought it...now its almost seven months later, and I f'ing hate myself for this...
Im smart, college educated, pretty, and have a great personality, but now Im unemployed and financially screwed...
Ive recently started dating someone who is totally in love with me, but doesnt know about this, I think he would be devistated...
I know this has got to stop, but as the rest of you who use, you know its not easy!!!
I dont know how to make it stop, Ill get up and say NO! No more, but later in the day...
This is just rambling and venting at this point, but I had to start somewhere. Thanks for reading.
I am sure its no easy, i am not an addict but my bf is and i see what him and others here who are addicts go through to try and get their life back. But start by asking yourself this question, Do you really want to quit and how bad to you want it. You are the only one that could make that effort but you have to really want it. Do yourself a favor, be honest with that person in your life, let them know what they are getting themselves into, believe its hard for the addict but its devastating for the loved ones too.
Nikki is so right, it would be unfair of you to enter a relationship with someone without disclosing your addiction.
You would be doing yourself a favor by talking this over with him as he may be a great support if you are ready to stop using.
I think every addict hates their drug of choice as much as they love it.
You have had significant sober time, so you have the confidence to know that you can do this.
Are you ready to stop using and start living again?
i find your choice of screen-name very interesting.
I HATE THIS!!!!
do you? do you really? if you do; then you also know what you have to do....STOP USING!!!!.... easier said than done. OK; i'll give you that one; but if you are truly unhappy in your life and know that your unhappiness lies in this "evil addiction" they take the decision to fight for your life; for your happiness.
my b/f is an addict and i can't imagine being in the relationship not knowing about his addiction. both lucy and nikki have given you very valuable advice -- you owe it to him and your relationship (if it means anything to you) to be honest with him.
i found my b/f's crack pipe in the sheets one day while changing the linen, 3 months into our relationship. i confronted him with it, and he then told me the truth. although i was hurt and frightened that he was an addict; i was more hurt by the fact that he didn't value what we had enough to be honest with me from the beginning, so that i could have chosen to stay or leave armed with all the information i needed in order to make that choice. as it was; i chose to stay. so please; do not withhold this out of fear and/or shame. your b/f may surprise you, and like lucy said, may be a great support for you in your search for sobriety.
wishing you all the best; peace and love,
hopeseternal
Not that I recommend this approach, but I kept it from my wife for over a year (though on some level of think she knew). The shame, fear, etc., at first kept me from telling her and then was part of the catalyst that has kept me sober. Keep using and risk losing everything, or give it up while you still can and keep a 'normal life.'
I've been clean less than a year; the thought of relapsing after 5 frankly scares the living sh!t out of me. I've changed so many aspects of my life (changing the cell # was the best one of all) that the reality I can slip back into that he|| again almost makes me want to puke.
You've quit once; you can do it again.
Separately, and this is directed at the 'it would be unfair to not tell someone you are entering a relationship with' crowd:' Given the likelihood of relapse for all crack users, do you think ALL former crackheads should fill out a self-disclosure form? I mean, if she was sober for 4yrs 11mos and got involved with someone, would you say "you've been sober long enough that disclosing it is not necessary?"
Although I know it is probably coming across as argumentative, I'm really not trying to be. I've just been working so much not getting much sleep and too tired to edit it down.
But, I hope it is lucid enough for people to get my point.
IHTS, good luck. None of this sh!t is easy. And knowing you can stumble for reasons you don't know why (actually, think back to right before the decision to smoke, did ANYTHING serve as a trigger?), truly is frightening to me.
john
i am a member of what you so aptly named the 'it would be unfair to not tell someone you are entering a relationship with' crowd and i feel you are be argumentative or possibly even smug. like i said; i was more hurt by the fact that my b/f hid his crack use from me and lied by saying he smoked weed here and there, than i ever was put off by the fact that he is a crack addict.
the issue at hand is the fact that no matter how much clean time is involved, at this point in time 'ihatethis' is once again actively using, and beginning a relationship with someone whom it is fair to assume cares deeply about her and she knows and acknowledges this openly. therefore; honesty and disclosure are imperative in my most humble opinion.
Quote:
You've quit once; you can do it again.
ihatethis: i do thoroughly agree with johngalt in his assessment. you have a significant amount of clean time and therefore you know you are more than capable of stopping. keep on trying!
Not that I recommend this approach, but I('ve) kept it from my wife for over a year (though on some level of think she knew). The shame, fear, etc., at first kept me from telling her and then was part of the catalyst that has kept me sober. Keep using and risk losing everything, or give it up while you still can and keep a 'normal life.'
Isn't that statement suggesting you ended up telling your wife?
johngalt wrote:
Separately, and this is directed at the 'it would be unfair to not tell someone you are entering a relationship with' crowd:' Given the likelihood of relapse for all crack users, do you think ALL former crackheads should fill out a self-disclosure form? I mean, if she was sober for 4yrs 11mos and got involved with someone, would you say "you've been sober long enough that disclosing it is not necessary?"
IF she was sober...she's not
johngalt wrote:
Although I know it is probably coming across as argumentative, I'm really not trying to be. I've just been working so much not getting much sleep and too tired to edit it down.
Of course your going to argue it....
else you wouldn't be able to rationalize
keeping secrets from your wife.
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
I stand firm with Lynn and Joanne on this, she should share her addiction for anyone who is interested in sharing a relationship with her.
And John your sarcasm regarding the self disclosure form is indicative that you wanted to argumentative about this.
As loved ones of crack addicts we know that the addiction doesn't come with any written instructions or guarantees of recovery. We aren't saying that a crack addict can't enjoy a sober life and that their addiction should stop them from entering a relationship. We know that addicts are people too. If you are trying to argue this I think you are talking to the wrong people.
Please don't underestimate how hard it is to be the loved one of an addict.
I wish you the best in your continued recovery and hope your family is well.
We aren't saying that a crack addict can't enjoy a sober life and that their addiction should stop them from entering a relationship. We know that addicts are people too. If you are trying to argue this I think you are talking to the wrong people.
precisely! if i thought so, i definitely wouldn't be here today. What we all need in life is a little sincerity.
hopeseternal
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