busy, busy and the weather is hot. billy and i have our gardens in, we took some pics of each and i'll try and post them shortly.
anyway my speed usage had been quite decreased as it was, so i am not anticipating any problems. billy informed me the other day that he has been using speed regularly for one year now. he says he's tired of it and does not intend to buy any more. the two of us have agreed not to use and will support the other.
later
bill
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
Last edited by flaggin on July 21, 2007 - 01:52 AM; edited 1 time in total
gene,
a question for you. the whole ten months or more that i did cocaine i did not really crave sweets, altho i did regulary eat jam. in the short time i used speed i developed a taste for ice cream and chocolate bars and joe luis. and no, i'm not fat yet. i have been consuming a one litre tub of triple chocolate ice cream, couple of three musketeer chocolate bars and a joe louis sandwhich almost daily and still continue to do so a week after stopping the drug. is my craving eventually going to subside and is it my continued consumption that keeps me from craving the drug? you know this chocolate habit is three times more costly than the speed. does this mean that i am going to have to start saying, 'hi, my name is bill and i'm a chocoholic" because i don't know if i could deal with that.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
It is normal Bill,when I dont use for a while all I want is chocolate,and yes I do gain weight.Im sure it will be easier to break the chocolate habbit,once the spare tire shows up and of course the pimples.
hugs diane
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
still a fave. absolutely. however, because of the rate i'd been consuming them, the supply versus demand factor has taken effect. i've depleted british columbias stock piles of honey nut cheerios. not exactly sure when the province expects to recover from this.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
this drawing was inspired after i had to shoo out a family of pidgeons from our eave line on the house. a friend sent me a link to a site called 'electric sheep' i encourage everyone to check out the site. i will post the link in the computer section.
the drawing was done using a program called "apophysis 2.02.
it utilizes mathematics (fractals) to create some amazing art forms.
you'll have to forgive my effort here, but i've only just begun to understand the programs potential.
check this site out to view the vast array of artworks created with this program. the potential seems limited and even if you can't draw you can still create art worthy of viewing.
what i would like to see is the regular members of this site make some creations of their own and post them to the site. perhaps pieces reflecting the personal journeys we are all dealing with. if enough of us can do this, perhaps gene will devote a forum to fractal and other mediums of artwork that represent our recovery efforts. i think it would be awesome to form a compilation of our works.
the program may seem to complicated for some, however if most of us are able to deal with our addictions and our addicted love ones, then i am sure we can master this program. i'd be willing to offer some tutorial online, or over the phone, while online (better, if you use two seperate lines for phone and internet). i have found this page which offers several tutorials written by people who use the program.
beginning of a new week. hoping to get my sleeping schedual worked out. insomnia is driving me crasy. billy is roughing it as well and to think that he has been on it for a year. he was suffering some medical issue which i had long told him was probably a result of his using. he informed me yesterday that since quitting the issue has cleared up, i'm happy for him as he now seems to understand the seriousness of drug use, even if one doesn't consider themselves to be a problem user.
we both are sleeping lots. we both are eating like horses. he is putting his weight back on. i believe he told me he moved from 130,135 to 140+ this past week. he's managed to split the arse out of his jeans anyway bending over at work. silly boy! i have not been gaining my weight back the same but this is due to the fact that i don't have the luxury of having some one cook for me.
i am trying to change my habits tho. instead of buying my usual one litre triple chocolate ice-cream, i bought instead a four litre tub of neapolitan. had eaten just a little bit of it when somehow i become distracted and left the house without putting it away in the freezer. by the time i returned hope several hours later it had all melted. let me tell you, that was the biggest freakin' milkshake i've ever drank in my damned life.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
i'll look into that. i was thinking of taking the sleeping pills that the doctor had prescribed buit remembered the night i had passed out and fallen down. forget that ideal. yesterday got home from work and just lay down on couch. was asleep by 5:30 pm and woke this morning at 5:30 am. that was a good rest and at least i'm up early with no reason to be late for work. even while on speed i was waking every morning without alarm at 5:30 am. hopefully this will become routine shortly. i have told my boss that i'm suffering insomnia and so he has been somewhat understanding about my being late.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
Bill-
I'm glad you and your son are both doing so well. Hopefully your sleeping habits will improve, but I can't imagine there are too many of us on this site who get a good night's sleep on a regular basis. I find that light meditation, simply counting to 4 repeatedly, will help me get to sleep, however once I wake up I am up and it does not help at that point.
I went to the website above and it is a bit complicated to figure out how to do that. I also checked out the electric sheep site which is pretty cool. The art work created is really incredible, like nothing I've ever seen before, and it is quite amazing.
When I figure it out I will send you a copy of whatever I can make.
Take care.
Lucy
you know lucy, that makes a h*ll of a lot of sense. always wondered why i couldn't get to sleep counting sheep. it's because i know i can count higher than 4. naturally, you could be up all night counting, say, 400 of them. 'specially if you lose count and have to start over, which happens to me almost always because i start dozing off and lose track.
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
This is a pictur of the slugs that we have in British Columbia. They are called Banana Slugs. The largest of them reside here in the lower mainland. They are huge, sometimes measuring up to 8 inches in length. I have heard it said that they eat small ground squirrels and wash them down with a beer. I’m not sure that I believe that first fact, but because I have photographic proof of the latter, then it is possible that the first fact is indeed true. I mean, why else would it want to be drinking my beer for. I myself wash ground squirrels down with a beer, as all their tiny fur coat hairs tend to catch in my throat. So why then, should a slug not do the same?
I have been around these slugs now for a good number of years and have witnessed a wide range of reactions from people who have come within range of these really bizarre and somewhat alarming creatures. Most people viewing even the smallest of slugs find them to be repulsive in that they resemble of piece of throat phlegm with a life of their own. A slug the size of these west coast whoppers will often leave an unsuspecting tourist traumatized; not necessarily for a lifetime but for a few moments anyway. I myself, having seen one for the first time, was subject to a reoccurring nightmare which lasted several weeks causing me a great deal of sleep deprivation, not unlike being hooked on amphetamines. The dream was ugly. I had been jogging along one of the rainforest trails when suddenly I was overtaken by one of these beasts. After it knocked me to the ground it proceeded to glide it's body over me for what seemed to be an eternity. The dream always ended the same with me being helplessly stuck to the rainforest trail in a slick of slime. Other joggers would not give me aid, instead, arcing widely left or right, around as they passed, for fear of getting some of me on their Nikes or Reeboks. I self-medicated to keep me awake so that I would not have to endure the nightmare. This was accomplished and eventually I was able to stop self-medicating and now I am o.k., as I am sure anyone will agree.
I am one of the more fortunate victims to these slug encounters. My trauma had been mild. Unfortunately, for some, these encounters can have devastating effects which can last months, perhaps even years, but not
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It is normal Bill,when I dont use for a while all I want is chocolate,and yes I do gain weight.Im sure it will be easier to break the chocolate habbit,once the spare tire shows up and of course the pimples.
