Cocaine

giarc · Newbie

I have not had a relapse in 4 years. I am 35 and have been using since I was 15 years old. I really cut down alot when I was 21. I got married had kids got a house the whole nine yards, the same story I am sure alot of you already know. My relapses grew farther and farther apart as the years dragged on.
When these desires start to hit me I call them the "hauntings". The demon rises up in me and calls, and as I sit here having battled it for the last three weeks without giving in, I have tears streaming down my face, my family has no idea why I have been so testy these last three weeks, they cant possibly understand how it feels to do battle with satan for days on end with no relief in sight ,(except one and we all no what that is.) I got into my car tonight and drove to the PLACE we all go when the "call" gets to strong, and I stopped half way there and went home. That is the first time I have ever stoppped enroute. I pray to Lord and anyone who will listen that the pain will stop, the cravings will stop, so I can move on. I wrestled with lucifer for three weeks now, and I am telling him to move the he|l on and leave me alone. I am not very religious, never been to aa or na or anything like that. But I want to come out on top this time.
Does anyone understand this?
Giarc.

Jenni · Helping Hand I

Giarc,

Welcome to Cocainehelp.org. You have found a wonderful place for information and support.

First, congratulations on turning around! That's fantastic!!!! I hope that you will focus on your ability to do things like that to avoid the drug to help you through the struggle. You did it...which already puts you on top.

I have never used...but my b/f has and there are many people here who have and do. You are not alone in you experience. Keep reading and sharing. I'm very sure that you will find support and comfort here, from people who do understand what you are going through and can provide suggestions for moving ahead.

I do have a question. How is your communication with your wife? Do you talk to her about it, so that she can know and understand what is going on with you? Is she supportive? What does she know about cocaine?

I'm asking because, from my perspective with my b/f...I would rather know about the struggles he is going through. I know it is hard for him to share it, even though he knows that I will do my very best to be supportive. I have tried to be very supportive and I have educated myself as much as possible...and it is very hard for him to talk to me about it. I must say though, that him talking to me about it, makes it much easier for me to be supportive. It is scary for me, but at least if we are talking about it, we can both deal with it. So, I'm just throwing that out there.

Your situation is your own...you know best how your loved ones will feel and react to knowing your struggle is ongoing....food for thought though, the benefits in terms of support for you and maintaining trust and intimacy in a relationship that is important are tremendous.

How's that for unsolicited feedback? Wishing you the best. Seeking help and support with this is a great step. You can beat this.

-Jenni

scaredwife · Resident

Quote:

I'm asking because, from my perspective with my b/f...I would rather know about the struggles he is going through. I know it is hard for him to share it, even though he knows that I will do my very best to be supportive. I have tried to be very supportive and I have educated myself as much as possible...and it is very hard for him to talk to me about it. I must say though, that him talking to me about it, makes it much easier for me to be supportive. It is scary for me, but at least if we are talking about it, we can both deal with it. So, I'm just throwing that out there.

jennie,
i just want you to know how powerful and helpful this statement is for me. i posted for the first time today, "confronted my husband about his lies", and i think that is very true and encouraging for him and I both. I need to hear what is going through his head. we have been inseperable for the last 3 days since the breakthru as i want to call it, except for last nite and right now when he is at his new meetings. he is focusing all his energy on fishing, which is a huge hobby for him and that is what is consuming his attention for the moment. he is apoligizing to me for the exccessive fishing talk, but i told him as long as he is talking and what comes out of his mouth is truth and honesty, he can talk about anything he wants and I will be right here to listen to him. but to ask him to share with me the moments he is actually struggling with the cravings, I think that will be huge. and I totally agree, I think I can be more supportive if we are talking about it openly. the part that i know scares him the most, saying the words outloud, the more he does it, i think the more he will begin to heal and break free. thank you for your words.