I've got even more questions. . .

ziggysmom628 · Newbie

I have been reading posts and have seen references to Brillo - what's that used for?
When you are using - what do you actually do? I try to picture what my DH and friends are actually *doing* while they are spending all that time together. Do you shoot the *censored sh_t? Do housework? Play pool or cards? What? Do I even want to know?
When you say you are going to quit when you are down, and you are so sincere - do you even believe it? Do you try as hard as you can and really WANT to succeed? Or do you say that stuff just to shut up the naggers in your life?
How do you (you know, the hypothetcial 'you' as a former or current user) even buy crack?
I'm sorry for all the questions! - I have never encountered it before. I have honestly never been offered it or even seen it in my life, strangely enough.
Thanks!

Jenni · Helping Hand I

Hmmm. I believe there was a member of the community that called themselves Brillo.

Aside from that, someone correct me if I'm wrong....scraping residue from the crack pipe so the residue can be smoked.

I'd rather not know what my b/f did while smoking crack. My thought from reading some of the other posts here...what did they do when they were smoking crack....SMOKING CRACK.

When I lived in DC the bartenders could usually point you in the right direction if you were looking....that was more for powder coke. I'm sure that is true in the city I live in now too. But here if you go to a certain are of town...go to the grocery store (which is ironically next to a police substation) there is usually someone hanging around there who can point you in the right direction. Once you know who to go to...you don't always need to buy it. You can and the dealers will call you on payday to make sure you spend your money on the goods they have to sell. But you can also share it, trade it....read....these kinds of answers are all here.

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

ziggysmom628 wrote:

I have been reading posts and have seen references to Brillo - what's that used for?
When you are using - what do you actually do? I try to picture what my DH and friends are actually *doing* while they are spending all that time together. Do you shoot the *censored sh_t? Do housework? Play pool or cards? What? Do I even want to know?
When you say you are going to quit when you are down, and you are so sincere - do you even believe it? Do you try as hard as you can and really WANT to succeed? Or do you say that stuff just to shut up the naggers in your life?
How do you (you know, the hypothetcial 'you' as a former or current user) even buy crack?
I'm sorry for all the questions! - I have never encountered it before. I have honestly never been offered it or even seen it in my life, strangely enough.
Thanks!

Brillo...chore boy

It's used as a screen to smoke crack.

I responded to your other post on Bill's thread BTW,
I'll respond to the rest of this post tomorrow

Peace
Lynn

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

How can I help someone to understand,
what I can't even understand myself?

Smoking crack is not enjoyable.

How do I help someone to understand,
why I would keep doing something I don't even enjoy?

This is what *i* want to know.. i would never ask to be a smartass. I genuinely want to understand this - desperately. I just can't understand it being so important as to throw your whole life away. Sad

Trust me...I do not doubt for even a second,
your sincerity and desperation to try to understand...
not even crossing my mind, you were being a smartass.

Believe me when I tell you,
if you think you have a hard time understanding,
why someone would throw away their life for crack...

I have a harder time believing,
forget trying to understand...I can't!
Sh-t, I can't even understand,
why I can't understand how the h-ll I chose to...

neglect my kids...
locking myself in the bathroom,...

stressing the importance that they understood,
I was not to be bothered under any circumstances.
Sh-t, I didn't want them bothering me,
while I was cooking my sh-t to smoke, on the stove,...

having nothing to give them on christmas,
because I returned the presents,
that killed me to buy in the first place,
because I needed that money to get high,...

I left them home alone one Sunday for about 3 hours.
It was dry at my regular spots 'cause of a bust...
being my only option, I decided to walk from,
58th and Whipple to 87th and Halsted(do a mapquest)
Just because the d-mn buses,
didn't run those routes on Sunday,
wasn't gonna stop me,...

I'd take them with me,
and leave them sitting in the car,
while a ran into a building.

My daughter was receiving a trophy at school.
I'm at the award banquet at her school
taking off to sit in the bathroom and get high,...

I lived off of crack, pepsi and nyquil,
the first 6 1/2 months I was pregnant w/ my 3rd child...

I would beg, borrow, barter and steal,
if necessary, sell my very soul...

I hung out in or frequented some of the worst areas,
scoring or geeking and tweaking with the seediest people,
in roach infested h-ll holes that reeked of urine,
trying to watch my back and hoping the cops didn't raid the place...

I looked like total sh-t...
I'm 5'11 and had dropped to a mere 86 pounds....

Having no money, having pawned everything worth anything,
having no one to borrow from that I didn't already owe,
I stopped at nothing, ruling nothing out,
exhausting every possible hair brained idea or scheme,...

I would go to work with a nail,
a spoon tucked inside my sock and a seal of baking soda,
tell my co workers I was going to the bathroom,
go to the bathroom to cook up a hit....smoke it,
then be *stuck* in the bathroom for at least a half an hour...

I would go outside on my break,
lie down on the sidewalk and fall asleep,
because I hadn't slept in 4, 5, 6 days.
Someone would come outside and wake me up,....

I stopped showing up for work.
instead, driving to the spot,
I could now buy the sh-t already cooked...

Sit up at the park for 6 hours,
pretending I'm reading the newspaper,
knowing I'm supposed to be at work,
and when I have to piss....

pull my pants half way down,
shove a roll of paper towels between my legs,
piss, place the roll of paper towels into a plastic bag,
roll down the window and toss it into the can I'm parked next to...

Oh, there's more alright,
Believe me, I can't understand any of it either!

I know why...to get high.
What I don't know is...
how I could have made these choices!

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

Have you ever tried to understand what it feels like,
to be living a life you want nothing to do with?

that is how I live every single day. I get the *censored sh_t effects with out even getting to have the jollies of doing whatever the he|l he & his buddies do. Whoever the he|l they would be.

The understanding is more mind boggling,
for the person choosing to live the life,
then for the person who hasn't chosen that life,
but, instead, found themselves a part of it.

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

ziggysmom628 wrote:

I wouldn't know a bag of crack if it walked up & smacked me, but I live with its' effects every day, and so does my 6 year old and my 8 month old little boy.

My husband is addicted and all I can think of is how SELFISH he is. There IS treatment that he could at least TRY. He goes to 1 session and lies about the rest. Noone ever put a gun to his head and a crack pipe in his hand.

No one puts a gun to your head and makes you stay.

Oh you bet I am going to stay. I have 2 kids with me and i didn't ask for this problem so he's the one that's leaving. (well, he already has)

I meant, stay in the relationship

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

Your choices effect your children,
as much as your husband's choices do.

Which is why I sent him bye-bye. i don't want my girl thinking this is normal or my boy to think this is how you treat your family. Thereby making ME look like the big fat jerk that keeps on throwing daddy out.

And, for that, using common sense,
for what is in the best interest of your children,
I applaud you and agree with your train of thought, 100%!!!

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

ziggysmom628 wrote:

SO how is it that he DOES love me enough. How am I supposed to see that in the way he acts? How did he magically fall into this little life? How could he abandon me and our babies? Am I supposed to look the other way when he lies and disappears because he is 'going through hard times', too? I am sorry if my feelings sound ignorant to you, but these are the questions I wrestle with.

Obviously I know you can't speak for him. You don't know him and everyone is different. He was a loving husband and father not too long ago. But you obviously are familiar with the type of feelings your loved ones have, so can you shed some light on this for me?

If he left you and your children for another women,
would there really be any difference?

No difference at all. That's why it's such a crock when he *brags* - well at least I'm faithful. Yeah OK. I told him it would hurt the same or maybe even less he he brought home some *censored prostitute & did her right on the table in front of me. which he does NOT understand..

LOL...I like you!

ziggysmom628 wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

Have you considered the marriage is over,
regardless of the drug issues?

It's Over BECAUSE of this. We never had any other problem. We've been together for 14 years. Sometimes I wish I could feel sorry for him. Sometimes he cries and he is so sincere that he can't stand what is happening. BUt then he turns around & does it again the next day. I beg him to explain to me how he can do these things. He has done absolutely horrible things and I just don't know what to think. He's ripped my heart out a million times over. Am I supposed to look at this as a disease I'm supposed to help him through? Am I supposed to quit my job and follow him aRound all day to make sure he doesn't disappear? Am I supposed to just let him go because none of that works?

What do you want to do?
Or, rather, what are you willing to do?

ziggysmom628 wrote:

Thank you SO MUCH for writing back. I just struggle to understand this and I have never spoken with anyone who UNDERSTANDS until now and that feels REALLY nice Crying or Very sad

your welcome Console

I'm sorry you are hurting.
I'm sorry addiction has come into your life.
You do not have to struggle alone,
the doors here are always open.

In My Thoughts & Prayers,
Peace, Love & Strength,
Lynn