Addicted to an addict

climbingbackup · Newbie

Good Afternoon:
This is my first post. I just left an 8 year relationship with a coke user. The first couple of years I didn't use much at all myself. Only like on New Years Eve or a birthday party for a friend or something.

Looking back our relationship has pretty much been mediocre. He wasn't the guy for me and I knew it but my stubborn tenacity (translation=stupidity) would not let me give up on this guy. He loved me and I loved him and we were going to make this work. Foolish waste of time; I see that now.

I left him for a couple of months a few years ago and he straightened up. Quit dealing, got a job. We build a house together. I thought I had won the battle. This lasted for less than a year.

As soon as we moved in to our house we started partying again. Me too. Every weekend and sometimes during the week. I lost a couple of good jobs because of it. I avoided my friends. I started getting depressed. Last winter I was ready to just end it. I couldn't fight it anymore and I wanted change.

I prayed. I got strength, over time, to say no. I started going to church. I quit smoking cigarettes, I quit drinking beer. I quit snorting cocaine. He didn't. I moved out because he wouldn't leave. He didn't want me back this time. I really thought he would. I thought my bold step forward would impress him and he would come to his senses.

He just found a new batch of people to hang out with. I wasn't even moved out and he had moved on to some new gal "who liked to have fun" becasue I wasn't fun enough.

I am crushed. I begged him to take me back at my lowest point. I think i am addicted to him. Is this possible?

He quit his job and is going to lose our house to foreclosure if i don't do something, I'll lose my equity. How did i get here. Like a lot of the other posts i have read here: I USED TO BE NORMAL TOO.

Iquit using but I still feel addicted to the situation..the man..is this possible or am I just weak??

Thank you for any feedback.

Eeyore · Tenant

Hmmmm...Do you miss his company/the relationship or more the memory of what it used to be like? Returning to a drug enabling situation is unfortunately asking for trouble though losing the money you could because of his irresponsibility is a hard call. Good Luck regardless of whatever you chose!

unforgiven2 · Tenant

Well,

first of all I would suggest if that house was part of your investment then you have a right to be there. I believe making a call to an autorney would be a good start. Maybe taking him to court could help you not to lose that.

I agree with meltdown returning to play in the terms that he wants to use and you don't is not the wisest and he has already moved on to someone who wants to party.

Love can hurt but tears do dry and you could try to find someone who will not possess the qualities that can cause you to slip back into using. As the sayings go brids of a feather flock together, tell me who your freinds are and I will tell you who you are. Not always a factor but dont tempt what you already overcame.

Fiona · Newbie

Hi
I'm new to this site and can I begin by saying how much your post meant to me and it is so great to know I'm not the only person feeling this way.

I was married for almost two years and I just recently got the strength to divorce him but it's by no means over for me. I feel as if i'm the one with the addiction. Two weeks after the divorce was finalized he was already shacked up with another girl. She is also a drug addict and as you put it "more fun".

All I can say is hang in there and you are better off even if it does not feel that way. I stuck it out for longer, believing it would get better but it only gets worse. It started as an addiction to dagga and ecstacy, mainly on weekends. It ended with cocaine, LSD, two affairs (that I know of), his involvement in child pornography, a knife to my throat and we both had to go for HIV testing because he couldn't have been bothered to use protection.

On the day of the divorce I half expected him to tie balloons to his car with JUST DIVORCED painted on his back window. Since the time I filed for divorce he kept saying how he didn't want the divorce and how he still loved me. He used it to play on my emotions and one day I called his bluff. I said "ok, let's try again" and all the colour drained from his face as he mumbled that he didn't want to. I then told him to stop using it to play on my emotions.

Addicts are brillant at manipulation and while you're lying in a pool of tears they are on to no.2, 3 or 4 and high as a kite but well done to you for getting out. You deserve more from a partner and trust me you did the right thing.

I have my good days and my really down days but rebuilding a life is not something that you can do in one day. I still miss him terribly and thankfully he doesn't contact me because I would probably take him back. Not sure if you're a Christian but Lord enables me to pick up the pieces and the days I can't anymore, He carries me.