I guess I should tell my story...........

groomchick · Newbie

I feel head-over-heals for a man before I knew that he was a drug addict. He told me shorty after we fell in love that he was a "recovering crack addict" he never metioned anything about being a cocaine addict at the time. We moved pretty fast and we're pretty much living together when I found out the truth. He casually told me he wanted to get a gram and I flipped. I went thru the whole "club drug" phase in my early 20's but quickly grew out of it and since then have had a disliking for ANY and ALL drugs, especially the hard-core ones. I didn't know ANYTHING about cocaine or crack I just knew it was bad. Endlessly, I researched & researched and am STILL researching to find out anything I can about cocaine and the games it plays with it's victims. I have learned that not only the addicts suffer with this addiction but the ones who love the addicts to no avail also fall prey. We (loved ones of the addicts) start believing the lies, the lies like this............"I am ready to stop!!" "I am serious this time!" "I know what I have to do if this relationship is going to work!" "I'm done with it"....and so on and so on. I feel like I'm going crazy or listening to a broken record when I hear these statements, but each time there's enough hope left in me that I believe him an it will be the last time. We have been together for almost 2 years now and I feel like he is taking advantage of me because of my empty threats to leave if he doesn't get clean. He knows I can't leave him, I have made him my world. But by me staying am I only supporting the habit? What the he|l am I to do? If only addicts came with an instruction manuel. I'm sorry if I'm skipping around from subject to subject but I hate typing, so bear with me please. Anyway, about a month ago he started smoking crack again. I don't know what triggered it but now he's battling powder and crack. Right now he is in the living room all "jacked up" on powder and I'm doing this. I have read some good posts on here and am interested in hearing from anyone, addicts or not! Crying or Very sad

lilbubba49 · Devoted

welcome to the site,you have come to a great place for advice.all i can tell you is if you decide to stay with this man your will have a rough road ahead.if you chose to believe the lies he will keep feeding them to you.the thing is the proof is in the pudding unless he himself decides to quit and you can see thats hes really doing something towards this such as rehap or meetings or seeking help somewhere,than all the rest is just what he knows you want to here.the touble with alot of us women is we do make our world wrap around our men so that we dont know where he ends and we begin.start doing things for you and getting away with friends,take in alanon meetings it might help.i wish you the best and sorry about the spelling,not the greatest speller in the world.
hugs diane

groomchick · Newbie

thank you so much for your response Diane

meltdownsky · Tenant

Okay...not to take his side, but I've said the same things to my wife that he's told you. From the addict's point of view, you honestly are telling the truth about being "done with it" etc. Then somehow willpower (or whatever) fails you and there you are, high again and in my case disappointed in yourself for having let the one(s) who care about you down. I personally believe that I have caused some type of "brain damage" to myself through repeative binges, thus this incredibly stupid cycle of behavior continues. Possibly this situation is relative to your's...
GOOD LUCK TO YOU BOTH!!!

Ciao...Stephen...

excrackerjack · Tenant

Quote:

When is enough, enough?

Enough is enough now. You are doing the best think for yourself and your husband.

Quote:

My choice is now to leave.

By doing this you are showing great strength and courage. Only by following through will you be helping this man. If you love him you must stop enabling him. You too gloomchick. As long as you stay in a toxic relationship these men will continue to use. Only when they hit bottom or lose what is precious to them will they "maybe" come to their senses, and thats still a maybe.

Quote:

Are you ready for the rough road ahead?

Are you resdy? Please be strong. I made the mistake of staying with a using boyfriend and lost four years of sobriety when he brought crack home at 4am and woke me up and asked me if I wanted to get high with him. I knew right there and then he did not love me, I still chose to give in to my addiction and use though and I hated myself and him for it. It is a rough road ahead. It is the right road. Good luck!

excrackerjack · Tenant

Sorry for the typo I meant groomchick not gloom chick plese forgive my brain damage =)

excrackerjack · Tenant

Ladis let me first start by wishing you both the very best in the coming new year. Now is a great time to make fresh starts and new beginnings. The greatest gift you ca give an addict is to stop enabling them. It may seem harsh at first but I am speaking first hand. Not only did I have to leave my husband in the early eighties my 60 acres my beautiful house my furniture my horses everything, I had to look at the man I loved with a one year old baby in my arms and tell him I could only save myself and this baby, I couls not save him. I left with only my daughter.
My husband continued to smoke crack (in those days it was called freebase) three months later he was all over the news and papers with three bullets in his back. He did live though an angel was watching overe him. Not even those bullets could stop his addiction. He continued using until our daughter was 14 at which time he managed to stay clean for five years and thank Lord for that because it was then that I lost my mind and I at the age of fourty became a heroin and crack addict when my mother died.
I lost everything. My family disowned me and I ended up in prison. I finally fought my way back to sobriety and managed to stay that way for three and a half years since then I have had a 5 month relapse and today I am aproaching ten months clean again. I volunteer at a recovery house for women and during my 3 1/2 years I worked at a mens recovery house. My ex well he relapsed too after 5 years but he is back on the wagon again. It is a constant and daily battle. A battle that can be won.
My ex husband is still a very good friendof mind and the saddest thing of all is that my daughter is the one who has been he one damaged the worst by our addiction. She goes to CoDA. I believe that might be a really good place for both of you ladies to try out. There are many meetings. Or there is a great book called the twelve steps of co-dependancy.
Tough love. But love none the less. Love yourself first. This is a self first program, not a selfish program. Don't feel guilty. Do they feel guilty when they spend the rent on dope?
Peace Out
Cracker