my solider is a crack addict

pegcitylovefool · Newbie

so here is my story..i met a man over a year ago that i immediatly fell head over heads for. It was like we knew each other for years and the first nite we meet we slow danced to lovve osngs and talked all night...it was like a fairy tail. well time goes on and we grow apart all of the sudden there is this othe rside to him out of no where that goes from crazy about me to pushing me away.so we break up. oh by the way i forgot to mention he had just started miltary training shortly before we meet. so about 3 mths later he calls and asks how im doing i tell him i am seeing someone now he tells me that it sounds like i have anice guy and good for me. Another couple mths goes by and i am now engaged. well i recieve an emailform him on facebook, he starts emailing me and says that he was not of clear mind and he now realises that he what he lost he begs me not to marry a man that i dont love because of comfort. but instead to give him a chance he is a changed man and realises whta he lost. he tells me that he is going to be deployed soon for training. he will be goon for 2 mths and then to afganistan. he doesnt have much time to woo me. needless to say that he conviences me cause he is the one for me the one i think of all the time, the one that got away and you wonder what would have happened and how great ur life would have been if things were different. now by this time i know he does coke casually but no idea about crack. so this brings us to this fall. we try to make things work from then till now we have been basiclly together for a few weeks he trips out and pushes me away saying he made a mistake and leaves me for 2 weeks max. then comes crying back saysing sme things and that the army life and eployment has his mind a mess. lets take things so slow. so i cave. thinking this is all abouthim deploying to afganistan. Well new years we go thru it again and this time he seems like he really changed he is great seems to have changed everything that i didnt like. after a few days together he confesses during some drinks ect that he does crack. and then he continues to confess that he has been on it for awhile. Most of the time we have know each other i say ok thinking its not a problem. Well i just now realsied that he has a major addiction and his behavior isnt dur to him being scarded to deploy, and have someone behind or pushing me away to stop my hurt it is becaus eof crack. so basiclly he is now raging over nothing blocking me and telling me to move on then being great saying he is wrong. he is so confusing and i am just now realising it is due to crack...he even confessed that he cant wait to go to afganistan so he can get the chance to kick drugs cause he will have to be clena as drugs are not ready on sale there. he looks forward to it and states that he can start his life when he gets back....my reason for posting herew i sthat i just realised that he is actually addicted BIG time to crack. I dont know what to do i love this man with all my heart but i cant let him know or tell him that i know how bad it is? or should i? i guess im just ssearching for help as i just realised that i too have been making excuses gfor his behavior towards me but just realised its the drugs not just him.

excrackerjack · Tenant

Hi and welcome!
Yes your man has a major crack problem and so do you.
I highly suggest you read the posts by risata on Liar Liar Pants on Fire. This lady can probably set you on the right path if you are willing to drop the drama.

Welcome Aboard

Anastasia

pegcitylovefool · Newbie

i have never done crack???hense the reaosn i never knew he did...i seen him do it for the first time a few weeks ago when he told me and he made me turn around when he did it so i wouldnt see him. this ist really the helpful warm advise i was hopeing for but i will read the post

excrackerjack · Tenant

By saying you have a problem too, I mean that as long as you are with him his crack problem has become your crack problem too. As a person who has herself hurt the people who loved me the most with my addiction, I feel I can say this. It doesn't mean they stopped loving me. It meant that because they loved me, they put themselves before my addiction and cut me out of their lives while I was using. This included my own blood relatives. And I distanced myself from any of my "normie" friends like yourself. I am 10 months clean now and my normies and my brothers and daughter aunts and uncles have returned into my life again. That does not mean they have to trust me either. I have given them many reasons not to. With everyday I stay clean, this is my commitment to myself and the gift I get is the return of those I love and who love me.

pegcitylovefool · Newbie

oh like i am his enabler...i completely understand that and i agree 100% but thats why i am so angry. how could i not realise that? for all this time i have condone it kind of. dont get me wrongi know its not my fault...the only thing i realise that is positive.is that i now kow he does care for me alot thats why i get all the headaches and sob stories. wednesday ntie he tripped out on me on msn for no reason claimed to have take me off msn so i ignored him as well didnt contact him cause i knew he was ona bender cause he got an insurance settlement for a car he crashed. ( which i think he does on purpose for money) 3 vechiles in a year...so on friday i sent him an email saying *censored sh_t or get off the pot cause im sick of this head game..that is the same nite it hit me like a ton of bricks that he had a problem. so anyways i know he didnt read email at that point by the way. he sends me an text at 1:30 am saying he is in the city now and what am i doing? i replying going to bed cause its late...he replys with " i need a ball" i was shocked he has never sai soemthinglike that to me so bluntly. I repleyed who r u with no ansewer from him so i call him like 30 mins later he doesnt ansewer...so now im so ticked off that he can treat me with no respect and such disregard that i am having no problem nto worrying about him and not contacting him. so tontie i finally recieve a reply to my email from friday and he has the gonads to just write "TOO LONG" THEN "WHAT R U TALKING ABOUT?" this is crazy but ifeel better coming to the conclusion that is why he is acting this way. But i hate that he uses the "im going to afganistan" card when he wants me to feel bad for ignoring him or not wanting to party. this is so sick.

congrats on being clean by theway..i can imagine it must have been he|l.

excrackerjack · Tenant

Quote:

he sends me an text at 1:30 am saying he is in the city now and what am i doing? i replying going to bed cause its late...he replys with " i need a ball" i was shocked he has never sai soemthinglike that to me so bluntly

I hate to break it to you, but to me it sounds like he accidently texted you thinking he was texting his dealer. Of course he has never spoken so bluntly to you because this is drug lingo. When I wanted to score I would call my dealer ask what they were doing, and hope that if I told them I wanted a ball (meaning an eight ball of crack) it would be a big enough motivator to get them out of bed to come and meet me. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. So don't take it personally. When he figured out he had texted you, of course he did not answer, he was getting loaded.
Oh and thank you

Quote:

congrats on being clean by theway..i can imagine it must have been he|l.

the only real he|l was having to feel the shame and guilt of all the damage I had caused to those I love and worse to myself. The pain of actually looking my demons in the eye rather than hiding behind the dope not to deal with my issues. That was and still is what hurts.

Hang in There

Peace to you
Anastasia

frustr8ed · Resident

Girl, you have got to run like he|l. You are in love with someone with a problem that only HE can fix... and if he is counting on going overseas to do it, what does he think will happen when he comes back? Being an addict and not using will be a struggle for him from now on. I am in a marriage to a cokehead, who was not addicted when we married. But the coke took away the man I loved and changed him into a thief and a liar. I hate to tell anyone to leave another human being behind to destroy themselves... and you can try to give him a choice between the drugs and you. He may say of course, he chooses you -- then he might start to lie and continue to use behind your back.

It may be better just to keep in touch while he is out of the country, and see what some good clean time does for him. He may wake up to what he's doing to you. But please don't put yourself in direct competition with his drug of choice for the best years of your life. Let him get clean and make the decision to come back to you a whole mna, which is what you deserve.

excrackerjack · Tenant

Hey pegcity how you holdin up? Keep us posted on how you are doing and don't worry if you take him back no ones gonna judge you at least I certainly won't its like a man relapse instead of a drug relapse LOL! Just kidding. I was just wondering how you have been and if you are alright. This stranger in cyber space cares.

Peace to you
and G0D Bless
Anastasia