Oh and by the by Lynn, I'd sure like to hear you actually talk about yourself. Not about what you used to do, but what and how you are really feeling today now. About your struggles. Do you ever have any? Or are you so busy picking words and phrases apart just to avoid looking at yourself or letting us see into you. I for one would like to know how you really are. If you try and tell me your life is a bed of roses and you are all good. Then I truly call horseshit.
Food for thought I welcome. A constant closed minded veiw of addiction is not food for thought.
Its a shame Lynn you bow out so easily. I really would like to know how you feel inside . What is going on for Lynn. Who is Lynn the recovering addict?
You have many valuable things to say Lynn, yet since I have been on this site and I follow your posts, never once have I heard you say "gee today I am having a hard day, or hey ya'll I need some support" all I have seen is a constant picking apart of my words, some brillant advise and help for others, some picking apart of others as well.
Now I don't know if you just like to play devil's advocate. Or you so desperately are avoiding looking at yourself that you enjoy disecting phrases. What I can honestly say is I don't know you, because you don't let me. You never openly share about who you are today.
I want to hear about your experience strength and hope. I've been beat up enough before I got high and I beat myself up while I got high. Now I feel like I have come here so that you can beat me up.
It may not be the truth, but those are my feelings, and they are valid because I am feeling them.
G0D Bless You Lynn
From without and Within
Through the day and the night
May G0D Bless You with Light
Through Jesus Our Christ
Amen
Peace Out
Tasi
_________________ Healer........... Heal thy self
Last edited by excrackerjack on Jan 21, 2008 - 10:14 PM; edited 1 time in total
Its a shame Lynn you bow out so easily. I really would like to know how you feel inside . What is going on for Lynn. Who is Lynn the recovering addict?
flaggin wrote:
drop the armor lynn.
One...I have no armor Bill.
Two...It's a shame the words 'bow out so easily',
has to challenge me to prove something I don't have to.
How I feel inside....what are my struggles?
No, my life is far from a bed of roses,
and like everyone, I have struggles.
But, I am not struggling with my struggles....
if you can understand, fine, if not, oh well.
Let's see, I'm feeling at peace now,
since I dropped my lil guy off at school.
This morning, like every morning,
it's a pain in the a-s to get him up and ready for school.
Why?? He hates school.
I'm a little hungry because I didn't eat dinner last night.
Why?? Because I only had enough to feed my son.
There are other things I could eat instead but,
I don't feel like PB&J or spaghetti O's.
Uhhh, my back hurts a little again,
'cause my mattress sucks.
It s-cks not having a car but,
I have two legs to walk with.
Oh yea, my p*ssy hurts from playing with myself too much,
'cause I've been so f-cking horny and have no one to f-ck.
I'm lonely at times but, I'm never alone.
The job I thought I had has been put on hold.
I need to make sure I don't still have,
an outstanding warrant out for my arrest.
I don't have any steady income coming in,
and little money left to fall back on but, G0D makes a way.
So, all in all, despite my struggles,
I let G0D do my struggling.
I'm Blessed in many, many ways.
I'm Blessed because I'm over trying to kill myself,
I'm over what my mother did,
cause I understand why Rose was the way she was.
I'm over the fact I had the sh-t kicked out of me for 5 years.
I'm over the fact I have a 20 yr old daughter,
and an 18 yr old son I haven't seen in 13 yrs.
I'm o.k. with the fact I signed away my parental rights 5 yrs ago.
I'm o.k. with the 6 abortions I had.
I'm o.k. with Jacob having not 1 present for Christmas again this year.(from me)
I'm o.k. with my Father no longer being here,
He's in a better place.
I'm o.k. with where my addiction brought me,
because I'm not there anymore.
I'm o.k. with just saying I abstain from using,
because today, I still choose not to use.
I'm o.k. with the way things are,
because I thank G0D it's not any worse.
And I know, G0D will not forsake me,
'cause He has my best interests at heart.
Now, If you want an hourly update,
please let me know....other then that,
I have nothing else to say to you.
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
'cause I've been so f-cking horny and have no one to f-ck.
lynn!! i'll f*ck you, but you gotta promise to sweep the doritos off the bed first.
come on lynn, i know your being sarcastic. you're not looking to get f*cked at all. you're looking to be loved. just like me. well actually, i am loved and that's actually better than being f*cked. not as climatic perhaps, but longer lasting in the long run.
love you lynn and btw, i know a good vet you can take your p*ssy to if it's really hurting as bad as you say.
bill
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
I'm Blessed because I'm over trying to kill myself,
I'm over what my mother did,
cause I understand why Rose was the way she was.
I'm over the fact I had the sh-t kicked out of me for 5 years.
I'm over the fact I have a 20 yr old daughter,
and an 18 yr old son I haven't seen in 13 yrs.
I'm o.k. with the fact I signed away my parental rights 5 yrs ago.
I'm o.k. with the 6 abortions I had.
I'm o.k. with Jacob having not 1 present for Christmas again this year.(from me)
I'm o.k. with my Father no longer being here,
He's in a better place.
I'm o.k. with where my addiction brought me,
because I'm not there anymore.
I'm o.k. with just saying I abstain from using,
because today, I still choose not to use.
I'm o.k. with the way things are,
because I thank G0D it's not any worse.
And I know, G0D will not forsake me,
'cause He has my best interests at heart.
Thank you for keeping it real
Quote:
....other then that,
I have nothing else to say to you.
I can respect that you feel that way.
You are truely a miracle for what you have gone through and still choosing not to use.
pause4poetry wrote:
Quote:
My opinion being that I don't think that it is realistic to feel that everyone that suffers from addiction has underlying issues on a back burner that they can blame for thier drug use. Some people willingly use that first time out of curiousity, because they socialize with people that use, partying, or just flat out to experience a high and the feeling that getting high offers thus opening the door to addiction
That is true Michelle as addicts we all come from different walks of life. I have know Doctors, Lawyers and also those with the horrific childhoods and lives. It is just more common for me with the volunteer work I do at the recover house that most of what I am exposed to on a daily basis is a lot of the hurt and pain that the ladies have been masking. Whether they started with a bad crowd or as a result of trauma the end result is pain. Every addict no matter how they stop using drugs is a miracle. If this forum helps you stop using this is a wonderful place to be. If it is a meeting or rehab or sheer willpower it doesn't matter as long as you don't pick up.
I also apologize for taking my hurt feelings out on Lynn and on this thread where the most important person is Caroline who is reaching out for help. That takes a lot of courage.
'cause I've been so f-cking horny and have no one to f-ck.
lynn!! i'll f*ck you, but you gotta promise to sweep the doritos off the bed first.
First of all...
If you're going to let Dorito crumbs be a deterrent,
I don't want to waste my time to begin with.
Secondly...It's you who is being sarcastic here.
I'll take you up on your offer but,
how do you suppose we do this?
Phone sex?....oh joy.
I still end up having to get myself off,
so, what's the point?
flaggin wrote:
come on lynn, i know your being sarcastic. you're not looking to get f*cked at all. you're looking to be loved. just like me. well actually, i am loved and that's actually better than being f*cked. not as climatic perhaps, but longer lasting in the long run.
Come on Lynn nothing....I am not being sarcastic.
My p-ssy is sore from compensating my finger for a penis.
I am not without male options,
I have chosen not to seek out those options...thus far.
How could I be longing to find someone to love me,
when I'm not out searching for that someone?
What's love got to do with it anyway?
What's love but a second hand emotion.
I am just plain horny and bound to give in very soon.
I just want someone to f-ck the sh-t out of me.
flaggin wrote:
i know a good vet you can take your p*ssy to
if it's really hurting as bad as you say.
I didn't say my p-ssy was hurting bad...I said it hurts.
Actually, instead of 'hurts', I should have said sore.
Anyhoo, it's not too sore for a stiff d-ck,
or, some tongue action either...that's for certain!
So, If you can't take care of it,
take your vet suggestion and stick it up your a-s!
Love You Too,
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
It's you who is being sarcastic here.
I'll take you up on your offer but,
how do you suppose we do this?
i'll tell you what dear. i'll buy one of those plaster mould kits and make a real life replica of my erection. you'll love it. i'll even write my name on it. i'll ship it fedex overnight so you won't have to wait. be forewarned though that it will also be a 'real time' replica and self destruct in just under a minute and a half. enjoy.
flaggin
_________________ I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but, I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.
It's you who is being sarcastic here.
I'll take you up on your offer but,
how do you suppose we do this?
i'll tell you what dear. i'll buy one of those plaster mould kits and make a real life replica of my erection. you'll love it. i'll even write my name on it. i'll ship it fedex overnight so you won't have to wait. be forewarned though that it will also be a 'real time' replica and self destruct in just under a minute and a half.
Hellooooo anybody home?
What exactly are you having a hard time comprehending,
concerning my needs that I want taken care of?
First of all...
Sorry cowboy but, in my corral,
90 seconds ain't no ride!
And, secondly...
I have my own anatomically correct gadgets,
powered by the dependable brand you can trust...
Long lasting, Energizer batteries.
They keep going and going and going.
That's not what I want or need!
Oh well, Thanks anyway.
(that is, thanks for nothing)
Love Ya,
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
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