What to do !!!!

butterflylover · Newbie

Not sure where to start!!! But I need to get some help in dealing with my boyfriend who is addicted to cocaine.
I don't understand it but have been dealing with his addiction for the past 2 years ,he had done rehab and I thought for awhile that he was clean only to find out I was wrong!!!
It hurts so bad everytime he does it I wish I could understand WHY It feels sometimes like its my fault so I try not to say anything to upset him coz I don't want to be the reason for him slipping up . We have alot at stake we have one year old twins and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. everytime he does it he promises it won't happen again which I know is a lie. ALL his friends do some sort of drug or the other and I know he needs to get away from them but he does not see it. he does not want to go to rehab or counselling he says it won't help and all his friend that do the drugs work with him as well !!!

I want to help him so much but I don't know where to start ,what to say please help !!!!!

Admin · Site Admin

Start with http://www.cocainehelp.org/mod-subjects ... bid-4.html

empressv · Newbie

please leave, don't make his reality yours, life is far too precious. Why do you want to suffer?

flaggin · Helping Hand III

Quote:

There is absolutely no way your boyfriend will ever get clean if he is hanging out and working with users.

this is not true. i am a recovered addict. i work construction. there isn't a site i work on where there isn't active drug users. my son, as far as i know still uses hard drugs. my best friend, a woman who i love dearly is in recovery after eight years of heroin addiction. a lot of my good friends today are people on nthis site who are recovered addicts. being involved in the addictiven community at large does not force me to continue using

Quote:

I'd start by helping him find a new job so that he can start building a new life - apart from coke.

you can put a jack *ss in a crate and ship it to the moon. it's still gonna be a jack *ss when you open the crate. changing the environment isn't the solution.

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

flaggin wrote:

dragongirl wrote:

There is absolutely no way your boyfriend will ever get clean if he is hanging out and working with users.

this is not true. i am a recovered addict.
i work construction. there isn't a site i work on
where there isn't active drug users.

First of all Bill, you are a recovering addict.
An addict who, in his own way,
is working on his recovery to remain in sobriety.

Secondly, 2 different 'truths' were presented.
Each one being exclusive to its own 'truth'.
What she said is true and what you said is true.

Having to work with others that you know are active users,
and using with guys you hang out with and work with,
are two different things altogether.

Dealing with an unavoidable situation we are placed in,
and to avoid dealing with a situation we've placed ourself in,
are 2 different matters which hold 2 separate truths.

flaggin wrote:

my son, as far as i know still uses hard drugs. my best friend, a woman who i love dearly is in recovery after eight years of heroin addiction. a lot of my good friends today are people on this site who are recovered addicts. being involved in the addictive community at large does not force me to continue using

Recovery is more then not using.
Recovery is more then changing people, places and things.

Recovery is a new way of thinking,
with a new set of values and a new set of standards.

An addict, who is truly working on their recovery,
does not make exceptions but, knows the limit of exceptions.

An addict is not truly working on their recovery,
if they've only altered their actions and not their outlook.

Recovery is about restructuring the entire picture,
not making alterations to sections in the picture.

dragongirl wrote:

I'd start by helping him find a new job so that he can start building a new life - apart from coke.

Even if she helped him to find a new job,
the only thing he will be starting is a new job.

He can not begin building a life without coke,
until he decides he wants to build a new life without coke.
Then, he needs to be willing to start building that new life without coke.

After 2 years, she should be focusing on,
what she needs to do for her and her children,
instead of still focusing on what he needs to do.

She is desperate to find a way to help him,
because she desperately wants him to remain in her life.

flaggin · Helping Hand III

Quote:

this is not true. i am a recovered addict.

lynn, this was obviously a type error on my part and you know it, however, for the sake of keeping things clear, i will rephrase what i said. I meant to say that i was a recovered spastic. not addict.

Quote:

you can put a jack *ss in a crate and ship it to the moon. it's still gonna be a jack *ss when you open the crate. changing the environment isn't the solution.

Quote:

He can not begin building a life without coke,
until he decides he wants to build a new life without coke.
Then, he needs to be willing to start building that new life without coke.

exactly! thank you for clearing that up, miss redundant.

psss, psss, psss! here p*ssy, p*ssy!

bill

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

flaggin wrote:

this is not true. i am a recovered addict.

lynn, this was obviously a type error on my part and you know it...

ROFLMAO...you are absolutely right!

But, I certainly never expected for you,
to tell me I already knew that, then poo poo it away!

It's rare for you to call me out on something,
then simply poo poo it away instead of giving me a tongue lashing!

flaggin wrote:

...however, for the sake of keeping things clear, i will rephrase what i said.
I meant to say that i was a recovered spastic. not addict.

You're a riot lately!

flaggin wrote:

you can put a jack *ss in a crate and ship it to the moon.
it's still gonna be a jack *ss when you open the crate.
changing the environment isn't the solution.

keepitreal wrote:

He can not begin building a life without coke,
until he decides he wants to build a new life without coke.
Then, he needs to be willing to start building that new life without coke.

exactly! thank you for clearing that up, miss redundant.

Gee,

I thought I was addressing,
building a new life without the use of drugs...

Since you had already addressed,
how changing environments is not the solution,
in order to begin building a life without drugs.

flaggin wrote:

psss, psss, psss! here p*ssy, p*ssy!

Love Ya,

Lynn

flaggin · Helping Hand III

Quote:

Gee, I thought I was addressing,
building a new life without the use of drugs...

don't scratch your chin too hard. yes, you were. i guess i just read it that you were repeating the same point i was making that the change has to come from within. maybe i shouldn't have used the jack *ss theory. realisticly a jack *ss could not possibly hold a straw, pipe or needle in their hoof anyway so would not likely be addicted to drugs anyhow. that theory works better with alcoholics as it is very feasable for a jack *ss to drink alcohol out of a watering trough, just as it is also feasable for an alcoholic to drink alcohol from a trough. i myself have never drank alcohol from a trough while in the company of a jack *ss, however i did wake up one morning in a pasture surrounded by a bunch of cattle but this had nothing to do with drinking alcohol from either a glass or a trough but was instead a result of being high on magic mushrooms, which just brings me back to the point that i was making that it's probably better to crate the jack *ss who probably wouldm't know he was claustrophobic even if he was, because first of all, what does a jack *ss know about phobias and two, he'd be two p*ssed to feel anything.me i'm more of an open air kind of dude. do you know what i mean, lynn? are you following me on that one?

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

flaggin wrote:

keepitreal wrote:

Gee, I thought I was addressing,
building a new life without the use of drugs...

don't scratch your chin too hard. yes, you were.
i guess i just read it that you were repeating the same point i was making
that the change has to come from within.

Bill, let me ask you something.

By saying...

i guess i just read it that
you were repeating the same point i was making
that the change has to come from within.

...would seem to imply that you don't see it that way anymore.

So, with that said, do you no longer feel that,
I repeated the same point you made but, in a different manner,
or, that I was even making the same point as you were?

flaggin wrote:

maybe i shouldn't have used the jack *ss theory.

Get out...I loved it!
Couldn't have said it better myself!
I should have told you that when I had posted.
I'm sorry This Rose for you

I mean, after all,
you are my biggest (and only) :0)
'go-lynn' fan and supporter!

Love Ya Rose

Lynn

flaggin · Helping Hand III

Quote:

Bill, let me ask you something.

By saying...

i guess i just read it that
you were repeating the same point i was making
that the change has to come from within.

...would seem to imply that you don't see it that way anymore.

So, with that said, do you no longer feel that,
I repeated the same point you made but, in a different manner,
or, that I was even making the same point as you were?

why does my head hurt sometimes when i'm corresponding with you?

no, i still think it has to come from within and yes, you were elaborating on the same point but somehow i must have got confused. maybe. you probably threw me when you accused me of being spastic.

Quote:

Having to work with others that you know are active users,
and using with guys you hang out with and work with,
are two different things altogether.

working around others who i know are active users does not affect me any longer as i know that each of our personal relationships with drugs differ. were i not to have made the choice to quit using the drug, then working in this sort of environment would always lend to temptation and accessibility. you cannot quit by changing the environment but you can separate yourself from the environment by making the personal choice to quit.

i work with these people but i would not choose to hang out with them, unless there was something to be gained by it. and there isn't.

it is nearly a month now since i've saw my grandchild who will be turning one shortly. everyday, i think about this and it bothers me greatly. i need to find a solution. but the solution needs to be one which doesn't involve having a continued relationship with my son until such time that he comes to terms about his drug addiction and how it affects the quality of his life and the people that are in it. even with nichole, who i love so much, i had to realize that by allowing an active user to be involved in my personal life was not benefiting me.

my choice to quit was not brought about by outside forces but from within. only then can i seriously begin the process of recovery. quitting drugs does not cause recovery but is the stepping stone required toward recovery.

how long have i been clean now? going on 70 days? it was only a week ago, when nichole invited me to do the recovery steps with her, that i realized just how messed up i am. i know now, that if i want to improve my chances of staying clean that i need to "work on" my recovery. and this will be a huge task, but one which only i can make the choice of doing.

Quote:

I mean, after all,
you are my biggest (and only) :0)
'go-lynn' fan and supporter!

you are in my heart girl, but definately not my dreams. (the thought of dorito crumbs in the card swipe just doesn't cut it for me.)

spastically yours,

bill

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

Members and visitors alike,
are in for a real treat today at Cocainehelp.org !

Available for your reading pleasure in it's entirety is,
~Chapter One~, from the soon to be released book,
~What Really S-cks In Life~ other then Bush

Superbly written & illustrated by,
the lovely and little known, Miss L.Kirch,
makes it hard to believe, this is her first book ever published.

Her book is the hottest and most anticipated book release,
since the days when Harry Potter dominated the bookshelves.

Hailed as 'all the rave' by critics everywhere,
this book is destined to grace the #1 slot,
on the New York Times Best Seller List for some time.

~What Really S-cks In Life~ other then Bush

~Chapter One~

Another day, another dollar but, what really s-cks,
is losing the post you've been working on for hours

I realize what I just did

It's starting to sink in

No, this isn't happening

I'm starting to lose it

I've lost it

Everything I wrote is gone!

And, it was my own d-mn fault!

I could just rip my f-cking hair out right now!

~The End~

Bill, the post I was working on was for you.

And, even though I know I could sit down,
and rewrite the post to the best of my memory,
I know I can not recreate yesterdays feelings and factors.

The reasons and driving force behind what I wrote,
were exclusive to yesterday and are now gone forever.

Sometimes, we can say more by saying less.

So, in a nutshell,...

When I read your post on 'Love or Cocaine???',
I was totally, just so blown away!
I wish you could've seen & heard me as I was reading it!

I was like, O.K., who in the h-ll is this, Fight

and what have they done with Bill?

Moving along, I begin reading your post on 'What to do!!!!'

Well, what would describe, more then, blown away?
Tell me, so I can find the words to express myself.

I have a lot more I want to say,
but, for now, I'm gonna stop here.

Wait...real quick, 2 more things.
No, 3 more things.

Bill, no matter how many times you p-ss me off,
or, have me asking myself...What planet is this guy from?
(and, I mean that in the most loving way!)

I was Blessed when our paths crossed,
and wouldn't have it any other way!

I am so glad you are off of speed!

Even though, you'll always be a pain in my a-s,
you'll always have a place in my heart!
I Truly, Love You Dearly!

Oh yea, as of now, it's either,
'Sir Bill' or 'Sir Flaggin'...Got it people?!
(only I get to call him Daddy, right Daddy! ;0)

Meow

flaggin · Helping Hand III

Quote:

(only I get to call him Daddy, right Daddy! ;0)

yes dear! now run along and put that leather on and grab the 'cat-o-nine-tails" off the wall. i'll meet you at the whipping post. bring a red rubber ball i can bite on.

dowg

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

flaggin wrote:

Quote:

(only I get to call him Daddy, right Daddy! ;0)

yes dear! now run along and put that leather on and grab the 'cat-o-nine-tails" off the wall. i'll meet you at the whipping post. bring a red rubber ball i can bite on.

dowg

Yes Sir, Sir Flaggin

O.K. Daddy

Dowg, I'll see you at the post ROFLMAO

flaggin · Helping Hand III

dear miss l. kirch

i read the first chapter of your book in all it's entirety and was absolutely blown away by the graphic detail. when i got to the part where you were hitting yourself over the head with what looked like a twenty pound sledge it just seemed so real and in the moment that i felt like i wanted to reach out and grab the sledge from you and knock you a few times over the head myself.

don't ever, ever, call me "sir", unless you happen to be one of those young things working the cash register at safeway foods, and even then i'll disapprove but not make a scene on account that i'd be labled, 'harmless but senile'.

bill Old Wisdom

butterflylover · Newbie

THANKS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

I have been reading what you all have been saying, and I want to thank you. It has helped just knowing I have somewhere to come and vent or get advice about this issue with my b/f. Its not something I understand but you guys are helping! He has said that he is not going to go out with these guys from work anymore but I think he is just saying that right now but hopefully he means it, not that , that is going to be the answer if he wants to do it hes going to do it with or without but I think they don't help the situation . He doe snot want to change jobs right now coz of finacial reasons which I know are true BUT I think even if he got less money at a new job but was not spending so much on drugs it would be ok. His other big problem is when he gets high he goes to the casino and spends so much he tells me alot of people that do coke end up going to a casino or gambling he says they go hand and hand like a smoker needs a smoke with a coffee is this true ???

BUTTERFLYLOVER

[/b]

Admin · Site Admin

Quote:

If you live in a crack house, wouldn't it be advisable to move if you want to get clean?

You wouldn't be in the crack house if you want to be clean. Period