Husbands relapse

cynrose75 · Newbie

Im new and this is my first post. Ive loved my addict for almost 10 years, weve been married and divorced, clean and high together and seperate. Weve been up and down, now our daughter is 8 and amazing and ive been clean and responsible for 6 years with no desire or intention of ever going back and he has fallen off the wagon AGAIN. This time i packed his things and tossed them (and him) out the door. I love him so much that it crushes me when he lies and hides his using. Last year it took me 4 months to see it because i was in such denial, but now its been about 2 weeks and he still hasnt admitted it yet but the lying, hiding things, temper tantrums, blaming me for the unhappiness, excessive porn on the computer--all the signs are there. I know i did the right thing by tossing him out. The last time he relapsed he tryed to kill himself by overdosing and when he failed he finally told me, im afraid he'll do it again and i know i cant stop him but i feel like i should do SOMETHING, hes my daughters father. ANY ADVICE PLEASE??! I wish I could just turn my love off then it wouldnt matter. when hes not high he such a wonderful husband and father but when hes using or chasing hes violent and scary.

pause4poetry · Moderator

Congratulations on 6 years sober ....Good for you !

It is always difficult when a loved one gets lost in addiction. I personally feel that you have put things in the proper perspective, knowing that it is up to him to want to embrace sobriety.

I can not say that I blame you for wanting you to distance yourself and your 8 year old daughter from his addiction issues. I know how hard it can be to take the steps that you have taken, but hopefully it will help him to realize the adverse effects his addiction has on others as well as for himself. You well know that all the things that you are finding unacceptable are sure to continue as long as his addiction is allowed to own the controls. Controlling what you can to shield yourself and your child from the his addiction is about all you can do until he decides to take his addiction to task.

Keep taking care of your daughter, and yourself. DO consider sticking to the boundaries that you have set, while keeping any communication with him as open and honest as possible. Do offer encouragement for HIM to take back the controls as you yourself know that it is there for the taking if he truly is open to working to acheive and maintain sobriety. We all know that he must first get through the first step of first admitting he has a problem that requires his undivided attention.

You have found a good place for support. Dealing with a family member in addiction can be so heartbreaking, especially when children are a part of that picture. Your daughter deserves a home free of drugs and all the chaos that surrounds addiction. I think you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with for the moment.

Emotionally there are no easy answers. Have faith in yourself to make the right choices for yourself and your daughter making things the best that they can be regarding the things you do have the power to change. Give yourself the credit you deserve for your sobriety, and the imortance that you place on your own sobriety ... you are proof that there is hope for the willing ...

Wishing you Stength and Peace,

Michelle