Post subject: Dots on a screen......................
...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... .......................Damn Bill you were right, thanx for the PM...funny how things come full circle................................................................ ...................................................................... ...................................................................... ...................................................................... .........................Ms. Lynn, your intentions as always are/were for the best. Wow, prayers on my behalf, an angel did actually appear in my life and though things got worse before they got better, today I had that "survived a fatal car crash"/"the bullet just bearly missed me"/ "glad to be alive" feeling wash over me.................................................................... ....................................................yep, just dots on a screen
_________________ chosing not to continue this madness
Last edited by meltdownsky on Feb 25, 2008 - 08:17 PM; edited 2 times in total
woulda' deleted it properly but couldn't figure out how, I wish all of you well...
Alright...what the heck is this?
Please, don't leave like this,
when you're talking like that.
Heavenly Father,
Though I am not worthy of Your Mercy,
I humbly ask for Your forgiveness,
and to cleanse me of my sins.
The sins I am aware of, as well as, those I am not.
In the Precious name of Jesus.
In the Precious name of Jesus,
Thank You Heavenly Father,
for hearing and answering my prayers,
according to Your promise.
Heavenly Father, I come before You,
not for myself but, on behalf of another.
Keep Stephen from harm, thwart the demons that plague him,
release him from any thoughts of harming himself,
surround him with Your Angels to keep charge over him,
create the circumstances which will lead him to change,
create the circumstances which will lead him to You.
In the Precious name of Jesus,
by the power of His blood and according to Your Word,
Hear my prayers Almighty Father...
The most High, Lord of lords.
Amen
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
Stephen, 3-4 week is a critical one. According to feedback received from people who is addicted to cocaine many experienced "crush" depression during this period.
Quote:
So antidepressants were recommended to me this weekend, thoughts anyone?
If it was recommended by doctor, go with this recommendation. If it was suggested by somebody else, see your doctor. I just want to make sure, your doctor will be aware of your past drug use.
Good Luck.
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
In the Precious name of Jesus,
Thank You Heavenly Father
For you Stephen
I'm relieved to see you're still with us!
Admin wrote:
Stephen, 3-4 week is a critical one. According to feedback received from people who is addicted to cocaine many experienced "crush" depression during this period.
I agree 100% Gene, having touched on this some time ago....
keepitreal wrote:
It is when you are not high,
that EVERYTHING starts running a muck in your head....
I would need a hit, because I knew within,
those things could temporarily be disregarded again.
I DIDN'T want to think about it,
I DIDN'T want to deal with the consequences of my using
I DIDN'T want to be accountable
I DIDN'T want to deal with life and reality
I WANTED to stay high and detached from it all.
I had stated here once, regarding getting clean,
The first 2 weeks are critical but,
the 3rd & 4th week are CRUCIAL...IMHO.
The first 2 weeks not using,
your detoxing your body and focusing more on the cravings.
The 3rd & 4th week, your at a level where,
your mind, judgment and sensibility,
are still consumed by crack BUT, not clouded anymore...
feeling the pressure and the weight of the reality of it all.
IMO...What makes it worse for Stephen,
is his constant 'relapsing'...as he would like to call it.
Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down,
is compounding the downside when he is not using.
When an addict is drying out,
there are a number of things going on...
we are depressed,
we are easily irritated,
at first, we sleep a lot,
we are mopey,
we are bored and uninterested in anything,
we are quick to turn everything into an argument,
we are highly defensive,
we turn every molehill into a mountain,
we are jonesing...just to name a few.
What Stephen is experiencing when he is not using,
IMHO, is intensified because of his inconsistency.
Peace, Love and Strength,
Lynn
_________________ If you can not stand for something, you will fall for everything
Well, thanks for the wild weekend Stephen, and the visuals... OMG
at least you are a gentleman......
I'm relieved you are feeling better and was completely amused to have YOU ask ME if I was relapsing LOL!!! Anyhow dots on a screen..................
and while my sky is falling..........I am glad to know Melt Down Sky ................
PS Bill there are no words for you right now. Except and I know where you live.... LOL!!
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Miss Tasi
Hey Stephen,
Hope you are well. How's the new living arrangements? Are you stickin' to it? (NO GROVELLING) I know you are a workaholic, give yourself a breather too Stephen, you got to feel what you just went through not just stuff it back down again K? Anyhow I haven't talked to you in a couple days I know you're busy be good to yourself. IM me about all the other family stuff. Be cool.
:
MissTasi
Hello Stephen,
Have been thinking about you and hoping this day finds you doing well. I am always here to provide any support I can. You are a strong man and can accomplish what you set your mind to! I have all the faith in the world in you!!!XD
Love and Peace!!!
_________________ Remember, after the fire, after all the rain...I will be the flame, I will be the flame.
Stephen, just a quick note to say thank you for your call this morning. You have no idea how timely that call was. Although I didn't make it to the phone on time, your messege lifted my spirit momentarily. It was good to hear that you have been getting "G0D" shots, whether you want to call them that or not. That's what I call them. I am so glad for you to have stumbled across a sober buddy/bass player you're doing good and I am relieved.
So as you have that just dodged the bullet feeling I have to tell you that hearing your slow drawl this morning was like a warm sip of southern comfort as I walk into the line of fire.
Peace Out
Tasi
First a hotel room now my brother's couch, classic downfall...got choked up in traffic today, realized as a heavy machinery mechanic I'm able to repair quarter million dollar pieces of equipment (still holding a job with no issues, go figure) but I can't seem to fix myself. I just think now I'm craving the "numbness" cocaine brings me, actual "satisfaction" that it once brought is clearly unobtainable but I continue to stick my hand back in the fire despite everything...managed to get by the house and pick up my acoustic guitar, something that has been with me in the before, the during, G0D help me the after...
Playing it has been a lot of comfort as I drift these days.
Thanks to everyone who has posted to my thread(s). In my realitiy there really isn't a flesh and blood person who can relate to all the scramble emotions that are pretty much all that's left of my personality so this site remains a constant positive influence.
Lynn's list above on her last post hit the nail on the head. Also Tasi says that it'll be 6 months from when I finally quit getting high that my brain will return to normal.
*seems like a lifetime away*
_________________ chosing not to continue this madness
Hey Stephen I can't remember saying that the brain will return to normal.... I don't know if we can ever be that way what I was talking about was the dopamine levels in our brain and how long it take to unthaw. As you have seen with me lately even a year doesn't mean normal anything..
Anyhow my friend, thanks for another shot of Southern Comfort I was happy to hear you made it through that fire.. (you did right?) I also hope that you seriously consider my last suggestion about what I consider your last reservation with your addiction and connection to dope.
You know the saying "lose my number" well why don't you give your dealer a hand by changing yours. Food for thought.
Anyhow thanks for your concern yesterday Stephen, what goes around comes around. Things are much better today. Always if you can just hang on for 24 hours its amazing what those 24 hours can change or bring.
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