I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now in May. we have known each other longer. we have a little girl who is now 14 months.But i have came to the conclusion that my boyfriend is a crack addict. It is sad to say and i am desperate. he has been using it for about 2 years. but he will dissappear for 3 to 4 days and than returns and wont have the urge or whatever you call it to do it again for about another 3 months. the last time he smoked was in Oct. and now as we speak he has dissappeared. I dont know where he is he wont answer my callS. I am kind of used to this life but i hate it. He has seeked help and went to a Heres Help facility and they let him go because they said he wasn't addicted. I really dont know what gives him the urge to go smoke. I havent trusted him with my car since hes been smoking because he has dissappeared with it b4. I love him to death and I am scared my little girl will not grow up with her father that she goes crazy for when she is with him and so does he. After his dissappearing missions he puts himself down like he is not worth anything. I dont know what to do I need help. I am scared to leave him he doesnt have anyone. Please help me i am super stressed out. all i want to do is cry and ask myself why is this happeneing to US !!!
Welcome neri,You have come to a wonderful place with great people.My heart goes out to u,I am a addict and I know what I put my love ones through with this ongoing battle,I can feel your pain.Ask him if he wants help,if he is willing to go to any lenghts to get it,if he answers yes to this than u can put your effort out to help him but if he is not willing than there is not much you can do.He has got to want to get help no amount of nagging or pleating is going to work unless he wants it.I wish u and your little girl the best
Hugs Diane
Thank you for welcoming me. He has been willing to get help he acutally went to a facility called Heres Help but they did not think he had an addiction. but if he doesn't than what is this called that he has? He dissappears for days, when he comes home he will come in the middle of the night he comes empty handed with no money, no watch, no phone etc. He will dissappear with whatever car he has not caring. He has not stolen anything yet to get the drug. But i know that Crack is a strong drug and you need to have will power and be strong and he is not! That drug can take over people like him. The day of my Delivery with the baby he was so nervous when the nurse put me in a wheel chair and took me in the hospital he supposably went to park the car he never returned. He left me there and went to go smoke. His sister and brother went out looking for him and found him he said he was scared. He ended up being there when the baby was born but i knew that would happen that was my worst fear. For him not to see his daughter being born. But someone who is not addicted to a drug wont dissappear for 4 days with someone else's car and not call or let you know there okay that is not normal behavior. He has been gone since Saturday at 7pm and while wrighting this i still have not heard from him. I tried so hard in the begining to hide this and keep it to myself until i couldnt no more and told his family. We live with my family and I will make excuses with my family because i will not be able to tell them what is going on. his family dont take it as a big deal. I am trying to be strong for my little girl but theres so much a person can take. I want us to be a family, have our own place but i cant move out into our own place this way. I just hope he shows up to the house tonight.I am stressed out.
I dont know why this place would tell him hes not a addict.Let me ask u were u there when they told him this or is this him telling u what they said.Because I find it hard to believe that a place like this would tell him that.If he disapears for days comes home with no money,phone and no watch and does not care whos car he disapears with and this is affecting his life,yours and your daughters ,I would say hes a addict,but im not a expert,Im just a addict.Wishing u the best
Hugs Diane
Well than,I dont know what to tell u except that u are the one that has to decide weather or not u are willing to live with him disapearing every so often to do his thing.I know as a addict i have but my hubby through a lot of *censored sh_t and to be honest with you if the shoe was on the other foot,I dont think i could be as forgiving and understanding in fact if it was him I think I would of booted his *censored ( | ) out long ago.So its up to you how much and for how long u can deal with it.
Hugs diane
I agree with Diane, it does not make sense that they would tell him he is not an addict. Could he have seriously under played his usage and failed to share that once he uses that he can disappear for days in order to continue using?
Considering that he went to a facility that offers resources to those suffering from addication in itself is a sign that he feels that his usage of crack is adversely effecting his life. If he uses any amount at all and it effects him in his relationships with his family, his responsibility financially and keeps him from important events, such as the birth of his child that he definately has a problem that is related to his crack usage.
Consider locating other resources in your area that deal with Crack/Cocaine addiction. Discuss the importance of fully disclosing to the intake counselor, the amounts and duration that he uses, as well as the adverse effects that using has on his personal life that concern him.
Continue to support and encourage him to continue to seek help to end his usage of crack.
Read the following section Titled: Cocaine and Family. If you are making excuses to accomodate him in hiding his usage as well as his actions that surround his using, pay special attention to the section on ENABLING.
Stick with this website and continue to educate yourself on crack cocaine addiction. Educating yourself and sharing what you learn with your loved one is a good beginning. If your boyfriend is accepting that he has a problem, definately support and assist him in finding resourses that will can help him.
This site offers great insite and information to addicts as well as those that have loved ones in addiction. Hope you will continue reading and sharing here.
Wishing you Strength and Peace,
Michelle
_________________ Positives create better results then Negatives
I dont understand either why they would say he is not an addict. He has still not been home it has been 3 nights already i am really worried for him. what am i supposed to do? my parents think hes at a familys house because we got into a argument, but for how long can i keep this lie?
He hasn't even worried about his daughter if shes okay or not. I have called him like crazy left him messages and text him but i get no reply back. I wish there would be something i can do to try to find him.... while driving to work this morning i was thinking what if this is it the drug has really taken over and he never returns home. you guys have been a great help cause i dont even have anyone to talk to about this no one really knows besides his family that are going through so much besides what hes putting them through they are like whatever about this so i really cant even let go of my feelings with them..
Dear neri,
Do you have a good relationship with your parents,can you talk to them about any problems,if so it might be wise to let them know whats going on.This way u will have some kind of support.U must be going crazy not geting any replys to your messages,I think this would drive me more crazy than him being gone.I wont waste your time driving around looking for him he will only be found if he wants to be.Use this time to make some decisions about what u want for the future for u and your daughter.He will return when hes hungry,tired and theres no money left.I know you must be going through he-ll,but all u can do is look after yourself and your daughter and wait and thats a hard thing to do.My heart goes out to you.
Hugs Diane
I do have a good relationship with my parents, to a certain point! There is no way i can tell them he is a drug addict, he is on CRACK. I dont think they will ever be beside me through this.My mom will tell me he is no good you shouldnt go through this and all those things a mother will say which i know is true, But i didnt just meet him he is the father of my little girl he and I have been together for 5 yrs in a relationship and another 2 years of friendship. I am inlove with this man and i know the past 2 years have been he|l for me and I will never forget him leaving me while his daughter was being born i hate him for that. He showed up at the house today at around 11:15 he called me for the first time in 3 days he told me he was fine he had tooken a shower and I asked him r u sure your okay and he said yes. He asked me how was his little girl and i told him she is good but she needs her father. he responded back to me and said i know she does. He said he will be home when i get home and he will pick up the baby from her daycare but i told him that it was fine i would get her and that he can just stay home and get some sleep. well he went out called me and told me but since has not answered my calls. I actually feel relieved i spoke to him. But i am still worry for him. I just wish i was home when he got there so that we could speak about him getting help. how can i approach the situation? do i just ask him do you want help? I am wrighting this at work and i cant control my tears im sorry.. I'm trying to act like everything is okay and i think im doing a good job at it with all of this pressure i feel on top of me. Yes I know i should be thinking about the future for my daughter and i, but it is so hard. I'll tell you this that when im with my little girl all my problems are gone she just lightens my day she is the joy to my life... I have to be strong for her !
I would like to ask somebody who is an addict if crack and cocaine powder have somewhat the same effects?
while sitting here wrighting this i will not say i am an angel. I have tried drugs but but have never became addicted I guess i have more control of my self than a drug can have on me. I will tell you that i have never done crack!! and i will never try it i am actually scared of that drug after what it has done to many peoples lives.But i ask that question because i have done cocaine powder and it has never controlled me i new when to stop. But maybe my boyfriend got bored of that Drug thats why it has driven him to CRACK. do you think that can happen?
Well Im not a expert ,I can only tell you I have done both power and crack and found in my own opinion that the highs are different.With power I could take it or leave it with crack I cont get enough.With power I could use around other people and have a good time with crack I just wanted to be alone to he-ll with everyone else.Crack is a very additive drug some get addicted after the first try.
Quote:
But maybe my boyfriend got bored of that Drug thats why it has driven him to CRACK. do you think that can happen?
Anythings possible but he probaly just tried it once and loved the high better.I have never done the needle but have been told if i inject it Ill never go back to smoking it,but I am too afriead of needles,thank goodness.As for asking him if he wants help u have to first find out if he thinks he has a problem and than ask if if he thinks he needs help and work from there.The thing is if he dont think he has a problem or needs help there is nothing you can do but look after u.I dont know if im helping here but I feel so bad for you because I had a husband that left me for days when I was very young ,with three children,because of booze and women so i know what its like to sit and wait.My thoughts are with u.
Hugs diane
Yea that is probably what happened after the first try he loved the high. Incredible how a drug can just take over your life !!! Well he called me and told me that he cant believe everything he's done being high that it is all hitting him now that he is off of it. why does the person who smokes start regreting everything after its like if he has a double personality and he doesnt remember the things he did... Well I will ask him if he thinks he needs the help and i will let you guys know. does it sound crazy me telling him about this web site or should i keep it to myself?
Yes It is a wicked drug.crack is a hard drug to come down off it makes u depressed,this is why people use something to bring them down such as pot or pills of some sort.If u want to know about the effects of crack,your best to ask Gene the amin,he will give u some web pages to read up on.I am glad hes back safe and hope that together u both can decide whats best for the situation.
Hugs Diane
He has been willing to get help he acutally went to a facility called Heres Help but they did not think he had an addiction.
If he was indeed told he didn't have an addiction, I'm wondering if lack of health insurance influenced the Doctor/Councelor's diagnosis...sadly I have seen this kind of response before.
_________________ chosing not to continue this madness
If I compare the differences in my loved one Crack vs Coke, I would have to say that everything began to spiral out of control moreso when he started smoking the crack opposed to snorting cocaine.
The cocaine kept him busy, but the crack kept him period. He simply could not leave it alone, to the point of every day, all day, all night for days at a time. He began secluding himself to use as though there was nothing else in this world that he needed.
His reasons for starting to smoke crack instead of snorting was because of the havoc that snorting caused to his nose and his sinuses. I swear it was like a kid that had found a secret code to one of the latest video games, he was elated.
It is totally your decision as to whether, or not you share this site with him. I can tell you that if he takes an interest in what is offered here, I feel it could help him if he is truly ready to begin working and striving for sobriety. Chances are if he is willing to look the site over, you have peeked his interest. He would know that it is available to him, should he decide to utilize it as a tool to help him fight his addiction. My only concern here is, I would like to be able to see you continue to utilize this site also without reservation. This sight is set up to help you both gain a better understanding of dealing with addiction/recovery issues. If you think that this site would be a constructive tool for the both you, and he is open to the idea definately share it with him.
You might consider choosing to share the informational section of this site with him, then ask him to read some post from both addicts who are here to find strength, guidance and support in reaching sobriety, as well as loved one's and family members of addicts. If read with an open mind, it may help him to realize that destruction and loss that his drug of choice can bring to so many, but how it effects everyone that loves and cares for the person suffering from addiction.
If you are uncertain as to how he will respond to the above, you might simply tell him that you found a site that he may find helpful. Let him know that you will be happy to share it with him if he is interested in taking a look.
In the mean time try your best to take some down time for yourself. Try not to stress over things that you do not have the power to change. If you know that it is NOT within your power to control, acceptance of what IS, will offer you more control over how his addiction effects you. Dianne is right as far as trying to track him down and save him when he is MIA. Very likely you will not find him until he is ready to be found. If you do find him, he might come home to smooth things over, only to hit instant replay the first opportinity he has to do so.
Until he is the one wanting and willing to NOT USE, history will continue to repeat itself. As hard as it may seem, try to focus on you. Try to stay with your own schedule and responsibilities to the best of your abilities. Don't plan your days around his addiction, plan them in spite of his addiction. This takes realizing that he with his addiction has an agenda all it's own. If he is willing to use, eventually he will take the time and space that is required to do so.
Not all treatment facility were created equal. I hate to judge a book by its cover, I went to their website, it doesn't look right. I suggest you to schedule an appointment in different treatment center, go to this appointment together with your boyfriend. As a matter of fact any serious establishment usually interviewed the "patient to be" and a member of immediate family.
On a different note: you have been with your boyfriend for 5 years, you a have a baby together, why are you in boyfriend - girlfriend stage?
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
This is from the FAQ section of this site, you were advised to read in automatic pm that you have received when you joined this site.
Quote:
Q. What aspects should I consider when choosing the right treatment?
As of today, no medications have been approved by FDA for treating Cocaine, Crack Cocaine addiction. Therefore, it is limit available treatment options. However, choosing the right provider is critical. You may consider several options:
1. Does the program accept your insurance? If not, will they work with you on a payment plan or find other means of support for you?
2. Is the program run by state-accredited, licensed and/or trained professionals?
3. Is the facility clean, organized and well-run?
4. Does the program encompass the full range of needs of the individual (medical: including infectious diseases; psychological: including co-occurring mental illness; social; vocational; legal; etc.)?
5. Does the treatment program also address sexual orientation and physical disabilities as well as provide age, gender and culturally appropriate treatment services?
6. Is long-term aftercare support and/or guidance encouraged, provided and maintained?
7. Is there ongoing assessment of an individual's treatment plan to ensure it meets changing needs?
8. Does the program employ strategies to engage and keep individuals in longer-term treatment, increasing the likelihood of success?
9. Does the program offer counseling (individual or group) and other behavioral therapies to enhance the individual's ability to function in the family/community?
10. Does the program offer medication as part of the treatment regimen, if appropriate?
11. Is there ongoing monitoring of possible relapse to help guide patients back to abstinence?
12. Are services or referrals offered to family members to ensure they understand addiction and the recovery process to help them support the recovering individual?
---------------
Ref: "A Quick Guide to Finding Effective Alcohol and Drug Addiction Treatment" (CSAT/SAMHSA, NCADI Publication No. PHD877)
_________________ Your Admin, Gene. -=People who ask our advice almost never take it. Yet we should never refuse to give it, upon request, for it often helps us to see our own way more clearly. =-
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Posted:Mar 10, 2008 - 01:56 PM
