Where to start

Ray4her · Newbie

Hello, Let me first say that I have no clue where to start. I have found myself in love with a very beautiful younger woman who is addicted to crack.Our relationship started about three years ago and has been somewhat off and on since then.She has provided so much joy to my life I wouldn't think of ending it.When she's not using she is a perfect lady.But when that *censored sh_t gets her look out. She can't stop.I kept begging her to see how "she" lives.I promised not to say anything.She assured me I didn't want to know. She was right. I spent two days in a crack house. Spent a ton of cash. Sat in her "camp" under a bridge watching her smoke.Was punched in the face when I refused to buy more. That turned out to be a good thing though. She remembered hitting me & my reply. I told her that I could not feel the punch over the pain of watching her do that to the one person in this world that I love.That morning, after we woke up yep, in the crack house, she told me she knew that I loved her & she went on to explain her life of abuse.I held her & listened.If I had her life,I be on drugs too. She cried.We kissed.She apologized for hitting me & asked me not to hate or leave her.I assured her I couldn't leave, or hate her. I asked her if she would go to rehab & she said yes.I guess that's how I got here. I have spent the larger part of my life cleaning up "the other guys mistakes" & talking them away.Now I need a lawyer! I guess that's you. I need advice. I can't think of not having her in my life.That is not an option.I had no clue it was this bad.Thank you for allowing me to vent.It's not something I can talk about here.Ray

Admin · Site Admin

I put your question in the independent topic.

A lot of how's on my mind.
How long she has been smoking crack? When did she starts? Any other drug involvements? How often does she smokes? What is her drug use pattern? (few times a month for a few days binge, or everyday "habitual" use?) Where money is coming from to fuel her addiction? How long ago the conversation about rehab took place?

Meanwhile, get yourself busy, start reading:
http://www.cocainehelp.org/mod-subjects ... bid-4.html

Ray4her · Newbie

Hello, She has been doing drugs since early childhood. If I remember her correctly, it started at apx. 16 years old after abuse in foster home.She is 27years old. She uses Xanax that I know of.I beleive her to use daily. I am very sure alot of her money comes from me.It was to have been used for an apartment.That is when she said she had to be honest with me & we went to the crack house & bridge. The rehab just came up Sunday. I just came back from lunch with her & she seems very positive about rehab & she seems to be clean.I told her today that the money has to stop. I will, if she wants, pay her rent but directly. She did not ask for money today. She said she had to come clean with me. She thought I would just toss her to the wind.She thanked me for standing with her.Any & all advice you provide will be followed. She isn't just a thrill for me. I love her. Crap, I can't even think straight. All I think about is her & how to help her regain a normal life. Thank you very much for responding to me.

Admin · Site Admin

Ray, you are heading towards very "thorny way". You should be ready what is ahead of you, read some posts from this forum to get a glance. If you have questions, just ask.
If you are ready, I will explain the possibilities and short therm action plan.

Ray4her · Newbie

Gene, She is currently in a hospital for detox.I am not allowed to visit her.I really can't say this was the right choice but, I felt I had to do something quick.Other than the detox, what is the plan for her recovery? Will she begin to smoke again after getting out of the hospital? PLEASE explain "thorny". You make it sound worse than what I have just experienced.I feel so helpless.I have taken your advice and began to read.Thank you & I do mean, Thank you.Ray

Admin · Site Admin

Her crack addiction is not required detox; however, Xanax could be the reason for detoxing. Detox is not a treatment, it could be the pre-requirements for the the treatment. While she is in detox, you need to find a treatment, I would recommend evidence based treatment http://www.nrepp.samhsa.gov/find.asp
or you may try this link to find a treatment center (not necessary evidence based) http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/ However it is not all, after the treatment starts the most important phase: changing the life style and habits, learning new skills, copying with urges, avoiding triggers and etc. I will continue next time.

screwmaster · Resident

Quote:

after the treatment starts the most important phase: changing the life style and habits, learning new skills, copying with urges, avoiding triggers

Ray, I have been clean for just under 6 months. I checked myself into a 21 day program. What they taught me was exactly what Gene wrote and the only reason I feel good right now is I am actively praticing all the above. I was in a group of 8 people and only two of us are still clean and only two of us are praticing what we learned.

yoshi · Newbie

Ray, I also have been clean for 6 mths. I spent some time in the hospital and the same 21 day program as Screwmaster. Its a long hard road. I still get cravings everyday, but I was lucky enough to have a family member put me up with a place to stay. I am about 50 km from anyone I know. But having someone there to help me out was key. You cant do it for her, but you can just be there to help out. I wish you both all the best.