I'm coming to terms with being abused physically & menta

jaysbaby · Resident

Hi everyone... The last time I posted here, I shared my story about my husband. He has had a history of cocaine addiction for the last 10 years. He has been violent towards me, and he also is an alcoholic diagonosed with BiPolar.

He hit me last year in the eye, and I had a black eye for 4 weeks. He went to jail for 2 weeks, then they released him into a court-mandated outpatient drug treatment program. They gave him 6 months, and if he urine came up dirty with cocaine, he would have to serve a 90 day sentence in prison for violation. Well sure enough, he violated his program and had to serve his jail sentence. He has been evaluated by several psychs and they all have told him the same thing: Long term inpatient psych care in a medical facility that treats dual diagnosis such as cocaine and mental illness issues.

He was placed on a waiting list while in prison, to get into inpatient, but the waiting list was so long, he ended up serving his jail sentence and being released without ever getting into the inpatient program. So we are back at square one again. He started abusing drugs and alcohol again, refuse to take his meds for BiPolar. I had him committed into hospital. They kept him for 7 days then released him, and he starts using again.

Finally yesterday, I had my share of everything. His BiPolar, mixed with drugs has caused him to hit me, push me, strangle me... Yesterday, he went off in a flat second, and choked me so hard, he cut off my breathing and left 3 finger imprints in my neck. We had a whole big argument about his addicition, and why he won't check himself into a long term treatment program. He feels he can beat his addiction on his own, but yet we have been dealing with his addiciton for almost 2 years now. He's not even trying or making any effort to quit. I managed to sneak away yesterday and I went straight to the police precinct to report what my husband did and they also saw the markings on my neck.

I told them I wanted him committed to a hospital without releasing him. The police escorted me back to the house, to pick up my husband, only to find that he left. I was furious! They are now looking for him. I also called a Locksmith, and I had my locks on my front door changed so that my husband cannot enter my home anymore.

He called me crying and begging me to come home. I told him no, that the police were looking for him, and that I was fed up with the abuse, the drugs, the alcohol, the BiPolar...just fed up with the way he deals with life in general. He doesn't work, because he receives permanent worker's comp (he gets 2 checks a month for the rest of his life)... he blows his money on albums for his record collection... and his beer and drugs... I pay all the bills, rent, everything. I go grocery shopping, I work and pull the load... He has it easy.

I feel so guilty for what I did yesterday, but I have tried everything with this man... He won't lift his finger to do anything because I have enabled him... I had to stop! He has been calling me nonstop crying... I told him goodbye and to please check himself into a facility.. He said he will stay for a month, but I feel he needs at least 3 to 6 months off the streets... Why do I feel guilty? Should I file for a divorce, or wait it out until he has completed his treatment as he promised? What do I do now... it's so hard because he loves me with all his heart... He is the greatest man when he is sober and acting like a family man... He worships the ground I walk on... I have been hanging up on him when he calls, forcing the "no contact"... I'm so hurt and devastated that I have to treat him like this, but he really needs to see how his drug abuse has affected our family...

What now? Did I do the right thing? Why do I feel guilty?

Admin · Site Admin

Quote:

Why do I feel guilty?

Because you are still love him.

jaysbaby · Resident

He called me crying hysterically saying that he doesn't want to lose me... He said he won't eat or sleep because he is not with me...just crying. I refused to give in, because I know if he really loves me, he'll seek help for his addiction.

I guess my question is, should I divorce him or maintain my boundaries until he has proven himself? And now that he is seeing the damage he has caused by his addiciton, what are the chances he make a huge effort to quit his drug use for the sake of not losing me?

Admin · Site Admin

Unfortunately you are asking questions that should be answered by yourself and your husband, it is your personal life and you should make the decisions. You and him should decide the future of your relationships. However I advise to have this conversation after the treatment.
Also you may seek the counseling, it will help you to deal with this situation. It will be a beneficial for both of you if you put the emotional part aside from practical life.