We are slaves to cocaine...

crazypoet · Newbie

My boyfriend and I are slaves to cocaine. He more so than I. We have been off it for one day due to the money running out and it is hard. We can't even really talk or socialize anymore without cocaine. We've only been actively using for a month or so; he had used years ago but quit.

I had $4,000 of savings a month ago...gone. I know he has lied to me about money..I gave him $600 to buy us both coke and he disappeared for a week...came back with a story about how he and the dealer got robbed...and then another time I gave him $150 to get us coke...he came back the next day claiming he and the dealer got arrested...dealer for having my diet pills without a prescription, him for marijuana possession. I told him I believed him both times, and I want to, but I don't.

I don't know what to do. I want coke. He wants coke. I can make myself live without it though life sucks without it (I had to when he was gone for a week...I have no drug connections at all except for pot.) I have stolen from stores to get goods to trade or sell for coke...my boyfriend asked me to stop doing that so I did. But now he says if I want to steal, go ahead but don't get caught.

I bring home $336 a week. I told him today I can't legally support two households (he says he is moving in here, but doesn't seem to be making real motions to do so) and two coke habits, not to mention his penchant for beer, cigarettes, pot and ours for sushi.

That money was being saved for gastric bypass surgery...he said he would marry me and go work and get insurance so I could get it without the money...now he just doesn't seem to care about anything except cocaine. He used to randomly tell me, sober, how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Now I feel it is only about coke.

meltdownsky · Tenant

My G0D what a f*cked up situation...typical "snowballing" effect on ones life, a little for fun then look up one day and it has effected every aspect of your life.

...welcome to our tribe...

crazypoet · Newbie

Things have gotten much, much worse. We are both now dealing. In addition, he has become increasingly absent, threatening, and borderline violent. I go days without it; he can't. He threatened to burn the house down if I didn't go find a way to get more coke.

We have also both been smoking crack when there's no money for the powder. He gets high without me but if I do it he gets nasty and hateful. In addition, I have lost two very close friends due to the addiction and his erratic behavior.

pause4poetry · Moderator

Dear Crazypoet,

Welcome

I had posted to you on Amanda's thread "The Other Woman" previously to reading your thread here.

Through my loved one's aquaintances I have wittenessed couples in addiction, and from what I have seen it definatley leaves room for much conflict.

The likely hood of your situation improving as it stand is not very good. However you seem willing to acknowledge that the direction things are going for the two of you holds no promise for a healthy future.

My hope is that you will stick around and begin working on the things that you can change about your situation that will help you get going in a better direction for yourself.

If you feel that you can go without, realize that although that may be the case now, it most likely will not be that easy in the future. While you have that edge to lift yourself out of the nasty cycle of addiction please use it to your advantage to begin helping yourself now. The road you are both on currently holds no promise for a healthy future. If he is not willing to address his addiction, you need to pull your focus from his issues and begin attending to your own. Consider setting boundaries that protect you, your finances and the things that you want to achieve. Don't allow your boyfriend access to your assets under any circumstances as he is clearly to the point that anything is far game that will provide him with the ability to use. I know that the situation is more complicated due to that fact that you are coth actively using, but I feel that it is important that you begin to take control of the things that you can control.

The idea that you are here and posting, reading and taking interest in the information and forums here, tell sme that you have the option of not going down with the ship should you choose not to....

In Strength and Peace,

Michelle

LadyDvyne · Resident

Aw, babe... the situation you are in at the moment is one I feel I could easily have gotten into myself had I not left my bf when I did. Please read my thread in the forum "getting very out of hand", poetry and a few others stuck by me through my ordeal, theres a lot of advice in their responses that will help you, and you can also see how I pulled myself through and made the relevant changes.

I wish you the best of luck...

Lady Dvyne x