Trying to help

amanda0297 · Resident

I have been with my fiance for almost a year and have been opened to a whole other world that I do not like. He is addicted to crack. I have treied to help him and am still trying but about ready to give up. I love him with all my heart but I can't continue to go through the pain and suffering everyday like I am now. I cry everyday, sometimes 3 to 4 times a day. I have begged him not to go. I have went to the crack dealers myself and begged them not to sell to him anymore. I don't do drugs and never have, this is the first time I have ever dealt with anybody one drugs before. We can't keep money in the house be cause of his addiction. Our bills are always late. He has taken money from his son and my son before. He has taken meat out of our freezer and traded it for crack. The crack dealers has called our house and his cellphone(which is in my name). He will spend $75.00 to $300.00 in one day sometimes more if he can find someone to give him some. I have become a person I don't even recognize anymore. I need some help on how to deal with this.

Admin · Site Admin

Quote:

I need some help on how to deal with this.

As well you will need some help on how don't deal with it, because if you are dealing with your problems -- it is one thing; however if you are trying to solve his problems -- it is completely different situation.
As a matter of fact you shouldn't deal with the problems that you didn't create. If you are willing to help you should start reading, if you are not sure if you want to help -- start reading.

Iamempowered · Resident

You pose a good question.The answer will become evidently apparent. If your mate is not able or unwilling to look at his own actions and the consequences there of honestly then the answer to your question would be obvious..."save yourself"

Jerome

amanda0297 · Resident

Well he just took my cell phone and traded it for $40.00 dollars worth of crack. I called the crack dealer and told him that if he didn't have me my cell phone I would call the law and have it reported stolen.

deliciousswaggerdog · Resident

Amanda,
You need to make a change, immediately. He took money from your son, He stoled your cell phone....what's next? Please Be careful. Do what is right for you and your son. take care

amanda0297 · Resident

I feel Like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. he has done good before and I know what kind of person he can be. I made him go back and get the cell phone last night. Because of me none of the dealers will sell to him anymore. I just want better for him.

deliciousswaggerdog · Resident

Amanda,
You must love him. He is lucky that you are trying to help him beat his addiction. Unless he wants to stop for himself, no one can make him stop smoking crack. I don't know all the answers, but I did get a lot of good information reading the website www.rational.org This website might give you some insight into what is going on inside his head. take care

amanda0297 · Resident

thank you very much.I don't understand the drug world because I don't use and never will. The company that he owns with his brother all his workers use crack and so does his brother. it's hard on both me and him.

amanda0297 · Resident

He has court tomorrow for drug charges and he has already started smoking crack. he went to his ex-mother - in- law and borrowed money. We barely have enough to get by but he can find money to smoke his crack. it just pisses me off because that money is paying the dealers bills and putting food on there table. I have never in my life went without until now. I just don't know what to do for him anymore.Does anybody have any ideas, please?

rick_h · 12 step Recruit

Amanda - All I know is that for me it took a bottom - I had to lose my wife kids, brothers and sisters before I would accept help. If he is now what I was like, then he is unable to choose anything over drugs. He might make a go of it after a bottom or he might not make it. But you however need to make it yourself for you and your son. Until he starts helping himself you can't help him. Right now his brain is rewired and rational thinking just won't happen - consequences don't matter. It was about 2weeks clean before my thinking started to turn and I started to realize the devestation I had caused.

I'm sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear and if it was blunt. Its only my opinion from my own experiences. My heart goes out to you and I wish all of you the best of wishes!

deliciousswaggerdog · Resident

Amanda, if you love him, give him support, whatever that might be. Just remember there is a fine line between being supportive and being an enabler. I'm a user, and I want to quit smoking crack, it is not easy. I know it is a problem, I have everything to lose, and I still can't control this crack demon. What was his outcome of his court hearing on drug charges?

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

deliciousswaggerdog wrote:

I'm a user, and I want to quit smoking crack, it is not easy.
I know it is a problem, I have everything to lose, and I still can't control this crack demon.

You can't control something that doesn't have control over you.
You can't take control of crack....not now, not ever.
You can only take control of yourself.

If you really want to quit smoking crack,
then you're willing to stop smoking crack.

Smoking crack is a choice...not smoking crack is a choice.
You are either, willing to quit or not willing to stop.
Either way...you're the only one in control.

Peace
Lynn

deliciousswaggerdog · Resident

Lynn,
You are right. I have the free will to either do what is right, or to do what is wrong. I need to stop making excuses, and blame myself for choosing to smoke crack. I need to be consistant. If I say that I don't want to smoke crack, then I need to take action and NOT smoke crack.

keepitreal · Helping Hand IV

deliciousswaggerdog wrote:

Lynn,
You are right. I have the free will to either do what is right, or to do what is wrong. I need to stop making excuses, and blame myself for choosing to smoke crack. I need to be consistant. If I say that I don't want to smoke crack, then I need to take action and NOT smoke crack.

WOW

I don't see this here very often!

Someone who even acknowledges, some of the responsibility,
let alone, even admits to and accepts, all of the responsibility!

Very Good

I hope you realize how significant that is,
where recovery and sobriety are concerned.
Very encouraging and promising, to say the least!

Keep on keeping!

Peace, Love, Strength & Prayers,
Lynn