Background: I am 31 female.  My husband & I have been married for 13 years.  We have a 12 year old son & a 3 year daughter.  We cherish them both.  I love my husband with all of my heart & I believe he loves me too.

Story: My husband is a very hard worker.  He always has been.  However, he has always had a weakness - alcohol.  He isn't the type of alcoholic who drinks all day every day.  He is social alcoholic (if there is such a thing).  If he is offered a drink & accepts it, he cannot just stop at one.  This has been a problem since we were dating in high school.  I ignored it and figured he would grow up & out of it.  He hasn't.  Over the years we have had our share of problems.  Starting with being young parents and all that comes with that.  We have come a long way in 13 years.  We both have good jobs, a big house, nice cars and of course the debt that comes with all of that.  We have even struggled through his infidelity.  Over the last 3 to 4 years, he has done is disappearing act from time to time.  He would call & say he was on his way home but never show up.  He would walk in sometime before the lunch the next day and say that he had a few drinks & didn't want to drive so he just stayed at his friends house. I would say ok and try really hard to believe him and keep my doubts to myself.  I would always wonder if he was cheating on me again.  Where was he really?  Well over the last year, this act has gotten worse.  He has been staying out all night more frequently.  Sometimes once a week, other times a couple of times a week.  He always comes home by lunch or so on the next day if he was out on Friday.  If it is a weeknight, he would get up from where ever he was & go to work that morning.  I quit questioning where he was because sometimes he would truly be at work all night.

The Breaking Point:  Last night he sat in his recliner, looking & feeling really sick from a cold, and told me that he needed my help because for the last 12 months he has been using cocaine.  He said that it started out just once a month but now is once a week.  He said he is not addicted and can quit but he needs my help.  He needs me to limit his access to money.

Now What?  I am scared.  I love my husband with all of my heart but because of the drinking and staying out all night I had already been contemplating getting a divorce.  The main reasons that I haven't already are the kids & finances.  Now I am scared that if I file for divorce, it will prove to be the death of him, sending him spiralling down hill.  I am also scared that by staying with him, he may dwindle through what little money we have, not pay our bills and ruin our credit.  I have never seen him under the influence of anything other than alcohol. I warned him to never come around me or the kids if he has been using drugs and that he better not ever bring drugs into the house.  I feel my responsibility is to my children and myself, not to him.  He has always preached to me that he is a "Big Boy" and can take care of himself.  Well, if this is the way he takes care of himself, how can I stop him?  He has never been one to allow anyone to tell him what he should or should not do.  I cannot see him allowing me to start it now.

Conclusion:  So this is my story.  I have no one to talk to about this as I am embarressed for myself & for my husband.  Can any one offer me any advice that will help guide me on this new nightmare of a journey that my husband has put us on?